To Get Annoyed with people who always think they can keep my children under control..

[Blueflowers2011]

So... are you one of these people that insists they can keep other people's children controlled? Or do you get this said to you all the time... in a nutshell..

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3.5. Both great boys, lovely natured - they are mega energetic, highly demanding and always need something to be doing, playing with, climbing etc. Both me and DH have our work cut out but we do a pretty good job in general, in my opinion.

So when those, especially at the school gate keep insisting 'leave them with me for a few hours, they'll soon behave' or my husband wont allow any of that, just bring them round etc just annoys me sooooo much.

No - you cannot just turn on a button and control any child in a couple of hours, ours can be complex in their mad moments like any vibrant children and both myself and DH know what generally works and what doesnt. A few hours might do it but its not the same as 24/7.

Why do other people - and for me its the parents at my school with one child or extremely well behaved children - that just dont ever consider that other children may actually be different to theirs? It drives me mad.

So aibu to get so annoyed? I am close to snapping and saying something but of course that would be the wrong thing to do.

[yeOldeTrout]

10p says OP won't be able to resist posting again.

[StarOnTheTree]

my now 6 year old has been a total pain in the butt im hoping she will be an ace teenager grin

ghost my DD1 (19) was like this until she was 12 and then was a wonderful teenager. I'm hoping that DD3 (9) does the same or one of us won't survive the teenage years

It's not really about your children's behaviour OP but about how you deal with it. Letting them do things that are not acceptable for example is not on.

Saying that I had a friend who wouldn't accept that I was disciplining DD3 adequately because if I just got down to her level and spoke softly to her she would do what I asked, ha bloody ha She only has one compliant child (like my DD2) so didn't have a clue. And having been through those years with DD1 I knew what I was doing.

[user1471428758]

10p says OP won't be able to resist posting again.

Digging out the popcorn for the upcoming "denial: not just a river in Egypt" show.

[VioletBlue101]

I think if multiple are saying this then there's probably something to it OP, even if you'd rather not accept it.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Were my posts reported? I said some pretty offensive things about Bear Grylls...

[ghostspirit]

i do agree op if you could give couple of examples of the sort of things your children do it would be easyer to answer. although i understand you may not want to.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Riiiiight one one those! No I agree, children have different personalities, some are quiet, some are active like my 4 year old ds. But unless they are behaving that way towards others, than people should not pass comments.

[RubbleBubble00]

Why are people saying these things to you, are u moaning about their behaviour or perhaps they are misbehaving at the school gates?

I have 3 boys, 7,5,3 and eldest has adhd. No ones ever said this to me. My boys are extremely active and no ones ever said this to me. Almost implies ineffectual parenting

[SomedayBaby]

my husband wont allow any of that

Any of what op - can you give an example as to why this person said this?

[ghostspirit]

because lots of posters agree with each other does not mean they are right.

yes i agree it can work to bend down to their level and make eye contact and talk to them that can work. but depends on the child/parent it does not always work if it did we would all have angel children.

i dont really know why the thread has gone how it has op did not give examples of what her children do so how can anyone say if shes doing right or wrong..

[honkinghaddock]

If lots of people are saying things and there is no sn involved then you might want to look at how you are managing them. I wouldn't say anything to you but I might be annoyed if your children are causing chaos and you are sitting back smiling fondly. I have a child with difficult behaviour due to disability and I have to be there constantly to stop it becoming unsafe.

[ReActiv]

Hi BlueFlowers

There is absolutely nothing wrong with energetic children. So long as they listen to you when you need them to be calm and behave appropriately in certin situations.

E.g. running about and screeching at a park = fine.
running about and screeching in a library = not fine.

If they are able to respect the rules of different environments and situations ( a 3.5. year old will likely need adult prompting for this), and follow your instructions then there isn't an issue.

But the amount of people who appear to be telling you that they can control your children suggests that perhaps your children are very energetic/vibrant in places and situations where it is more appropriate to be calm, adhering to certain rules and listening to parental instructions. e.g. in a library, museum, pavement/small space with lots of hazards, supermarket.

[SomedayBaby]

Those of you believing they can just 'get them under control' are seriously deluded

Hmm...your children should be 'under control' though, 'vibrant' as they are - I think some of the language you're using is indicating that they have serious behaviour issues tbh.

My two boys are 6 and 8. By and large they're lovely, kind, well-mannered and well-behaved kids. I've never had anything but glowing school reports and we've had plenty of comments from strangers over the years about their lovely manners etc.

However, like any dc, we've had our moments - having to drag a screaming 5 year old from the park because he just wouldn't bloody leave voluntarily. Cheek from the 8 year old. 6 year old ds2 sneakily drawing all over his bedroom wall in a place he thought i'd never find so he could get away with. Strops and arguements between them and the odd spiteful kick or push they throw at each other during an arguement.

It doesn't change the fact that they're lovely kids, but ^ this is fairly standard behaviour IME, and it's how you deal with those things that really matter. Your posts don't seem to acknowledge anything like this though, which gives the impression that you are indeed one of THOSE parents, with perfect treasures.

[MyPeriodFeatures]

I thin OP has flounced. She shouldn't have posted in here . It's a shame because posting in here can give us the life enhancing but embarrassingly painful reality check that we need from time to time!!

[GabsAlot]

so instead of telling us why u might think theyre giving u these comments u just have a strop and leave

what was the point of this then

[shockthemonkey]

I think it's the number of people who have made these comments that is telling... OP has said "always" and "all the time".

That's enough to conclude that, however "lovely" and "vibrant" you find your boys, there may be something in those comments you keep getting.

[DianaMitford]

"Won't sit in a restaurant for longer than 20 minutes"

At 5 and 3 that on its own is indicative of some possible over- liberal parenting.

Pretty poor response from the OP, the defensiveness of which probably confirms the opinion of the majority here is correct.

"See ya" - what? Are we teenagers now??

[TheCatsBiscuits]

How economical. From 'my children's "vibrant" behaviour prompts comments from weary bystanders' to 'FUCK YOU! AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU, YOU FOUL MOUTHED CUNTING VIPERS! BYEEEEEEE!' in but two short posts.

[QueenLizIII]

Those of you believing they can just 'get them under control' are seriously deluded

Why deluded? Look around you.

For the most part I see the overwhelming majority of children behaving very well in public. Presumably because their parents have taught them what is acceptable and what is not.

You see the old boisterous child or a very naughty one or one having a tantrum but for the most part, it isn't deluded to think you can control a child's behaviour.

[QueenLizIII]

*odd not old.

[youarenotkiddingme]

"My children aren't disruptive at school" "can't sit in a restaurant for 20 minutes"

Well can they sit and not be disruptive or can't they? If they can then why don't they do it for you?

There is nothing wrong with children needing and wanting to run around. In fact I encourage it. I have a simple rule in my house - inside is for quiet activities and outside of for noise. I don't control what the children do just ensure they do it in ten right environment.

Personally I would suggest filling less of your boys days and kicking them outside to amuse themselves more.

I stand by what I said that when children are given responsibility they respond to it and act in a more appropriate manner.

[miserablesod]

I have 10 kids and no one has ever said that to me. I do get people commenting on how polite and well behaved they are though or people saying can they swop their two for my lot as they seem very well behaved.

[Irelephant]

Off topic but miss your post has give me hope.

Bit worried my well behaved one may turn into the devil when she hits 13 now

[Trifleorbust]

Hmmm. There seems to be an almost perverse pleasure that some parents take in their child's dodgy behaviour - misbehaving becomes evidence that they are 'bored' which becomes evidence that they are 'gifted' and so on. It's a bit delusional, isn't it? If people are regularly commenting to the effect that your kids are poorly disciplined, I would suggest just taking that on board tbh.

[user1471428758]

Those of you believing they can just 'get them under control' are seriously deluded

Orrrr "parenting properly".

That's what it is.