To Get Annoyed with people who always think they can keep my children under control..

[Blueflowers2011]

So... are you one of these people that insists they can keep other people's children controlled? Or do you get this said to you all the time... in a nutshell..

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3.5. Both great boys, lovely natured - they are mega energetic, highly demanding and always need something to be doing, playing with, climbing etc. Both me and DH have our work cut out but we do a pretty good job in general, in my opinion.

So when those, especially at the school gate keep insisting 'leave them with me for a few hours, they'll soon behave' or my husband wont allow any of that, just bring them round etc just annoys me sooooo much.

No - you cannot just turn on a button and control any child in a couple of hours, ours can be complex in their mad moments like any vibrant children and both myself and DH know what generally works and what doesnt. A few hours might do it but its not the same as 24/7.

Why do other people - and for me its the parents at my school with one child or extremely well behaved children - that just dont ever consider that other children may actually be different to theirs? It drives me mad.

So aibu to get so annoyed? I am close to snapping and saying something but of course that would be the wrong thing to do.

[HarryElephante]

Why do people expect children to act like adults? They're kids and will/should act like them.

[SomedayBaby]

my husband wont allow any of that, just bring them round

In response to what?

If it's said after you've just told a story about your 3 year old climbing the banister at home when you have your back turned and nearly falling down the stairs, or your 5 year old hiding his 200 piece lego set in 200 different locations over the house (both of which I have experienced! ) then they are being OTT and ridiculous.

If they're saying it in response to behaviour they are actually witnessing or because your 'spirited' 5 year old has just smashed all of your dinner plates on purpose or your 3 year old has purposely stomped your cat to death...then you probably need to look more closely at your parenting.

[MyPeriodFeatures]

Oh dear. :D. I have a child like this too. On the whole though he knows how he's supposed to behave, will stand still when he's meant to, says please and thank you and in the moments he's being very vibrant I interve, sometimes sharply. It's been a leading curve and I am pleased to say that I've nearly cracked it.

I find that loads of physical activity, a good bedtime routine, not too much sugar and a tool box of strategies keeps things ticking over :)

HTH. I sorted it

OP, so will you.

[Fairenuff]

In order for the child's behaviour to change, the adult's behaviour has to change first, so maybe they have a point.

Do you use discipline at all? Are you consistent with it?

[OpenMe]

It sounds to me like you've been telling people how especially difficult your DC are, that you face daily difficulties that no other parent does and they're just responding to that.

If numerous people are making these comments randomly, you really do have astonishingly badly behaved children.

[SomedayBaby]

Agree that some of the responses on this thread are awful though!

Although, op, you have used an awful lot of 'buzz' words - vibrant, complex, energetic, demanding - that parents of horrendously behaved children often use to describe their little angels . It was never going to go down well!

[user1471428758]

They aren't offering to control your children for you. They're trying to tell you that you should, and not surprisingly. They sound horribly behaved.

Have you ever heard the saying "if enough people tell you you're drunk, lay down"? If people are continually implying that your children need to be controlled, you aren't parenting them properly.

[ThisIsNotWhatIWasAfter]

I have high velocity little buggers boys and any one who said that to me would be in great danger of me taking them up on their offer.

[trafalgargal]

Do you have anyone who would give you a genuinely honest answer if you asked them?

[ZenMom]

I can't believe how mean some people are on here.

OP no one should comment on your kids (maybe close relatives of they're doing it for right reasons). You should ignore them or simply tell them to butt out.

It could be that your kids are a bit more unruly than you think, of course that might be the case but that's up to you then to take off rose tinted specs if you're wearing them.

If you don't think anything needs to be changed and your kids behaviour is not impacting anyone else negatively then continue as you are and ignore them.

[Thurlow]

If one person said that, it would be weird and annoying.

If lots of people are making comments, I'd hazard a guess that is because your kids behaviour really isn't that great.

[BlancheBlue]

Sounds like you let your kids run wild if so many people are commenting on it

[OpenMe]

Zen, I don't think people do generally comment on the behavior of other people's children - not to the parent anyway. It seems to me like OP has been asking for an opinion if so many people have commented.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

The amount of people on here who must have perfect children or rather robots is astonishing.

[MoreCoffeeNow]

If more than one person is commenting on their behaviour maybe you need to listen.

It's not something most people would ever do. So it must be out of the ordinary.

[SomedayBaby]

They sound horribly behaved

What on Earth has the op said to possibly make you think that?

She's used the 'buzz' words - but there are no examples of her dc's behaviour beyond being demanding, energetic, liking to play and climb and having mad moments.

Pretty standard dc behaviour IMO. It depends on why people are saying this to her and who it is saying it or how often - but really, there's no evidence that her kids are 'horribly behaved' at all.

[chameleonspots]

I was one of those very well-behaved children. Almost always complimented on my good manners etc.

How did my mother achieve that? With methods that have resulted in years of therapy.

Some children are naturally quiet, docile etc. Some genuinely are more energetic. There does not need to be one type of child. There seems plenty of room in the world for free-spirited adults, so there should be for children too.

For me the line is drawn if anybody is being hurt, something being damaged or downright anti social behaviour (example: incessant high pitched screaming) the answer to which if they don't stop is to remove them somehow. Not always easy.

My kids are energetic and if they don't get to tire themselves out (or are too tired) then they can be difficult. I need to be on top of that.

The mothers who tell me that the reason they get a lie in and I don't is because they've told their (lovely and very docile) children to not get out of their beds (a few toys to play with beside their beds at night) or make a noise before they get up and that all I need to do is tell mine that are simply on a different planet to mine.

OP ignore them. There's more than one child character type, more than one parent character type and more than one parenting style. If you are comfortable with yours then don't worry about the others. If you think that maybe your kids are out of line sometimes then yeah, work on that if you want. And if you think you need actual help, speak to someone who knows what they're talking about (professional), not parents at the school gate.

[KatharinaRosalie]

So what exactly were your kids doing when the other parent said they would not allow it?

[Eatthecake]

"Vibrant highly demanding children"

If people kept telling me my DC couldn't behave I'm sorry but I'd have to take a look at my DC and see if I was looking at them with Mum glasses on and actually they weren't as behaved as I thought.

[Pisssssedofff]

So what if they are little shits, my brothers were the kids from hell in many people's eyes, they stopped at about 14 like most kids do. People's expectations of children are somewhat Victorian on mn

[Bee182814]

I agree with Openme, you're probably giving it more airtime than necessary and its probably inviting the wrong kind of attention - I too have a very spirited 2 yo DS. I would be constantly telling friends and family about his challenging behaviour, sleep problems, refusal to eat certain foods etc (probably just wanting reassuring or some helpful pearls of wisdom or even just to have a rant) I decided that I wasn't going to do this anymore as I was fed up of people telling me to 'drop him off at my house, I will soon sort him out.' Focusing attention on his positive behaviours instead has massively improved all aspects of behaviour mentioned above. I think it was the change in my attitude that helped and now the very same people who used to comment that they 'Wouldn't put up with that behaviour' comment on what a well behaved little boy he is. Obviously he's still a little sod for me and DH sometimes, but he's 2 and kids will be kids.

[DoItTooJulia]

Take them up on their offers! The they'll realise what shite their spouting!

There are some hard hitting replies here though, and maybe their behaviour is a bit out of control? Can you see any truth in what all these people are saying?

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

My niece is exactly like your DCs op. Her dad and mum were the same at her age. Both have turned out to be very good in their field of work and can command large sums of money for it.
They are probably bored (like my bro & sis in law were at that age) and therefore need to do things that require extra energy. Do you do activities outside of school to burn out their energy?

[Toxicity]

What were your children actually doing before the comment was made OP? It's hard to say if people are BU without a bit more info.

[toucantoucan]

Hang on in there OP and keep doing what you're doing. My DS was like this and boy was it hard work to keep him in check. But the payoff of all the effort we put into discipline is that now he's 18, I have lost count of the number of people who tell me how lovely he is, including 2 taxi drivers from our local taxi firm last Saturday night who have picked him up over the last couple of years and who both complimented us on our "good lad". It is hard work to keep a "spirited" child or children in check but if you persevere, it will pay off.