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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to organise his daughters birthday?

133 replies

Evilstepmum01 · 19/08/2016 20:54

FFS! DSD birthday this weekend, I;ve been asking DH all week what he has planned. Just asked me what I'm doing? Er....no! Sorry, I organised our DS's birthday, I told him last month this was up to him to organise. Apparently, according to him, this is the first I've mentioned it!
I have taken a step back from DSD since her mum was more of an arse than usual and explained this to DH.
Apologies for the rant, he's doing my head in with 'Whats wrong with you?' wtf-nothings wrong, just get your shit together please!!!

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 19/08/2016 20:55

How old is she?

AyeAmarok · 19/08/2016 20:58

YANBU, he should have taken an interest.

Don't take your anger/issues with her mum out on your DSD though.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 19/08/2016 20:58

8

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 19/08/2016 21:00

Isn't her mum throwing her a party or anything? She's still quite young at 8, can't you grab a few balloons or something for her? It's not her fault both her parents are a bit crap.

gillybeanz · 19/08/2016 21:01

It's his child he should do it.
I can't stand men who expect everyone else to look after their children and do all the running around. It's usually part of the reason their wives leave them.
Tell him it's his child, you aren't her mother.

Lesley1980 · 19/08/2016 21:02

You can't really punish her because her mum is being an arse. Can you both do something together?

DearMrDilkington · 19/08/2016 21:03

Tell him it's his child, you aren't her mother. harsh isn't it? She's only a child, she hasn't done anything wrong. Why should she be punished?

danTDM · 19/08/2016 21:06

Poor, poor child. All of you arguing, you included OP 8 years old, so sad.

I just would organise it, not see it as one upmanship or reason for a thread on mumsnet, sorry. Pretty easy to do.

HeddaLettuce · 19/08/2016 21:07

Tell him it's his child, you aren't her mother. harsh isn't it? She's only a child

But it IS his child and she is NOT her mother. Since when is basic fact harsh?
She is only a child, a child that either one of her parents should organise her birthday for, its not up to her fathers wife to do it because they can't be arsed.
Don't blame OP because her husband is a shitty dad.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 19/08/2016 21:09

Her mum is taking her to a spa and stuff. After last years party when her mums boyfriend got blazing drunk and we couldnt get near DSD because of her family and pretend daddies, we're just not doing anything together again.
I should re-word the taking a step back bit. I try very hard to be fair and kind and make an effort to do things her mum just doesnt (clipping her nails etc), but for my own sanity, I had to stop caring so much. Got DS to concentrate on. DSD and I are friends, thats fine.
Dont think she'll be punished as such, it'll just be a bit crap. I'm really tired just now and its up to him.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 19/08/2016 21:10

She's her stepmother.

Believeitornot · 19/08/2016 21:11

You can have a little celebration for her at your home surely.

Yes your dh is a bit shit and you can remind him constantly but the DSD is only 8. She didn't chose her parents

BertrandRussell · 19/08/2016 21:14

"Dont think she'll be punished as such, it'll just be a bit crap. I'm really tired just now and its up to him"
She's 8. You're happy with her birthday being "a bit crap"?

Aussiemum78 · 19/08/2016 21:14

Why should he be a responsible parent when there's a woman to do it for him?

He sounds delightful.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 19/08/2016 21:14

Hey, nobody chose this, ok? We're all just trying to do our best. DH is a good dad, her mum loves her. I'm not up to this cos i'm frickin shattered.

OP posts:
danTDM · 19/08/2016 21:15

She is you step daughter op

DearMrDilkington · 19/08/2016 21:17

He doesn't sound like a good dad, he sounds like a lazy sod tbh.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 19/08/2016 21:19

Has no one even got her a present? Poor little thing Sad

danTDM · 19/08/2016 21:23

you sound like the worst sort of stepmother.

Evil... oh, hang on...

It is not about YOU

Bitofacow · 19/08/2016 21:23

And......we don't need men to oppress us cos we do it to each other.

She is NOT your child but we heap derision upon you because you will not work till you weep and drop with tiredness.

Do what you can. Be kind. Do not put unrealistic pressures on yourself. Don't worry this supportive community will be putting enough pressure on you without beating yourself up.

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 19/08/2016 21:24

Of course we've got her presents! And we will be taking her out for her birthday for a treat! Just nothing sorted for her party.

OP posts:
YouSay · 19/08/2016 21:24

Is it tomorrow or Sunday? Could all of you bring her to the shops to buy her a present, then cinema, dinner out, cake? Poor kid.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/08/2016 21:26

Fuck me, no wonder so many men get off the hook with their own kids and get to treat parenting like baby sitting when there are so many other people fully willing to assign some type of blame to a unrelated woman when he does not do even the most basic parenting.

Lunar1 · 19/08/2016 21:27

You and her dad had planned a day out though, you said so on your other thread. You just decided to cancel it/cut it short as your ds had a better offer!

Original poster
Evilstepmum01 · 19/08/2016 21:30

Bitofacow thanks. Genuinely.

Am not looking for sympathy, just needed to vent.

OP posts: