AIBU to expect DH to organise his daughters birthday?

[Evilstepmum01]

FFS! DSD birthday this weekend, I;ve been asking DH all week what he has planned. Just asked me what I'm doing? Er....no! Sorry, I organised our DS's birthday, I told him last month this was up to him to organise. Apparently, according to him, this is the first I've mentioned it!
I have taken a step back from DSD since her mum was more of an arse than usual and explained this to DH.
Apologies for the rant, he's doing my head in with 'Whats wrong with you?' wtf-nothings wrong, just get your shit together please!!!

YANBU you've done nothing wrong. At least you care enough to remember it's her birthday and to worry about something special being arranged. You can't win can you

Ok, I'm not a SP and therefore not qualifies to comment, but ( and I do get how irritating this situation is) can't you just organise a nice weekend which you all enjoy which makes the birthday girl feel special? A party sounds unrealistic if you don't have the contact details for friends etc but a nice family event is very achievable, surely?

There must be a big back story here but the children are more important than point scoring.

Its not my place-spot on! Pretty much what her mum said. I really cant win here!
Fuck it....wine is my friend....

DH usually has this sorted but I'm better at organising it? Bollocks, pizza it is.

How long ago did you get married? You have a few years to go!

Wine is everybody's friend.

You'll be setting an unrealistic precedent to start organising things now.

She has two parents. It's enough.

Whatever you do will be wrong for someone.

Just give her something from you and step back.

Truly not your responsibility.

danTDM-sorry, how many stepkids do you have?

have some wine....

I would organise it because it's not your DSD's fault that neither of her parents can be bothered to do something nice. Afterwards, give your (D)H an itemised bill for whatever you did.

Agree with you OP. It's not your responsibility, whether she's 8 or 18. Marrying your partner didn't make you his DD's parent in lieu of him. The responsibility falls to him and regardless of what a lot of posters here think, it's not your fault if she then has a crap birthday because he didn't step up and do his bit to make his 8yo's day special.

Wow to read this thread apparently it's the end of the world not to organise a party on top of spa days and presents. They aren't essential

I have 1, my DSD, and my own DD.

At 8, please don't be THAT COW.

Bitofacow I think I have a bitofagirlcrush on you. Thank fuck you came in or the madness of this thread would continue unchecked.

'THAT COW' who doesn't absolve a father of his parenting responsibilities?

I would be so disappointed in your position, OP. So you're married to someone, and have a child with someone, who can't even be bothered to celebrate his own older child's birthday? He needs to treat both of his children equally. That means him stepping up and not you plugging the gaps.

danTDM thank you for your concern. THAT COW is cheerier after wine and will do her best as always.

Steve I share your girlcrush. She has fags also.

I'm shocked at some of the replies.

Tell your h to go to the supermarket and sort out some bits. He's the dad! It won't kill him to sort things out. We really need "kick up the arse " as an emoji here.

My son's birthday is tomorrow and I rolled my eyes at ex asking me what to get at 5pm today He can be crap like that but when he sees ds tomorrow and takes him to lunch, he'll be ready to celebrate.

Completely agree that your DH sounds like an almighty dick for not taking responsibility here. Sorry I must have misread your OP as I thought nothing had been done for her so no presents etc.. If there are already presents surely it'll be fine to just make a fuss of her and give her presents?

I am a DSM to DSS and he is 17. If i didn't communicate with him and organise him to come to us we would never see him. Men are lazy. 8 is too old for a party. Go sleepover or theme park!

Well Steve we could get together with Evil and be feckless mothers. We could be THAT cow (those cows) who leave children crying and presentless. No party children bereft of any joy in their lives.
Yes we could point and laugh with our fat arses and dodgy attitudes. Leave our houses unclean and our husbands unsomethinged...
Drink wine and NOT smoke. We can watch while 'good' women do whatever they do that I can't be arsed doing - it's a loooooong list.

Anyway I am off to be uncaring somewhere else my work here is done.

I have no stepchildren and I still think it is your DH's job to organise it. How very wierd to think we should just allow men to be shit.

Always the SM being criticised, slated, name-called and basically shamed into doing what the biological parents should be doing. Some people love to kick a stepmum as hard as they can.

Let's not look at the fact her father hasn't organised anything, because that's easy for the woman to resolve - any woman in his life. Let's not criticise, slate, name-call or shame him into doing what's right for his little girl's birthday. Let's just smooth over that fact (because therein lies a problem that needs dealing with and we don't want to upset the apple cart) as ultimately he needs you to fulfil the parental duties, on his behalf.

What an absolute crock of outdated, sexist shit.

Your SD has two parents Evilstepmum, they are the ones who should organise her birthday. So, YADNBU and by stepping back and choosing not to enter into the boundaries of her bio parents responsibilities doesn't mean you care any less about her.

So sick of reading this kind of SM rubbish.

I'm a step-mama too and I'm kind of shocked by some of the responses here. I don't think it's sounds like you're "point scoring" or neglecting your DSD needs or anything. Rather, you needed to let off some steam about the lonely, complicated, frustrating, confusing situations that can arise in families like ours. Sorry you've been feeling worn down by it. F*ing life eh? Knackering sometimes.

It's a tough gig bud (but has it's wonderful moments too in my experience). Don't listen to the haters. Do what feels alright and don't worry about "perfect" expectations and that s*.

I'm sure your DSD will have a good birthday - give her a big hug and a kiss and have a laugh!

No, I don't think the people who are saying that the OP might do something are saying that we should allow men to be shit. Just that it's sad that the person caught up in the middle of all this is a little girl on her birthday and it'd be nice for someone to do something for her

Goodbye bitofacow I thank you for your wise words of wisdom!
Am taking bottle and book to bed-DH can and actually is sorting things out!
He must be psychic! Words will be had tomorrow!

I shall iron stuff. tomorrow. maybe. And definitely not smoke.

post me a fag?