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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to put sons board up

221 replies

foxy6 · 17/08/2016 15:46

hi all we have two grown up sons living at home, they are 20 and 19. when they started working we agreed to charge them £25 a week board. this wasn't based on what it costs to look after them or what we lost in tax credits but on what they earned. the oldest has a 0 hour contract and at first wasn't working much so was lucky to earn £100 a week. the other son had an apprenticeship at first so was earning just over £100. however the older son now works more and therefore earns more and the other son finished his apprenticeship and has a proper job, they both earn on average £200 a week. we have asked them to contribute more by upping their board to £40 a week. is this unreasonable? DS 1 is ok with it but DS2 informs me hes going to move out and live with a friend as hes not paying £40 a week to live in the house he grew up in.

OP posts:

Planty18 · 08/10/2016 20:31

Of course he did!! I didn't see this thread until now but £40 pw is a bargain

iminshock · 08/10/2016 20:33

Yikes!
Will you let him?
Tell him the rent is now £50 a week.

And please please stop running round doing housework for your adult children.

SailingThroughTime · 08/10/2016 20:35

Lay out your terms and stick to them OP. You'll be doing him a favour in the long run by being a bit more hard headed now.

user1471544305 · 08/10/2016 20:37

My son is staying at home for a few months commuting to uni to do his PhD. He gets a stipend which is around 1k a month. No way am I taking anything from him. He pays for his own food as it is. The only thing he costs me is increased gas and electricity which is around £5 a week. Whether he is hear or not my rent, broadband is the same. I'm not making money off my son. He knows how to budget as life's in uni/shared accommodation for five years.

WatchingFromTheWings · 08/10/2016 20:42

Let him move out. He'll more than likely end up paying more than that in rent alone, even when splitting costs with a friend. Wish him good luck and ask him if he needs a hand packing!

user1471544305 · 08/10/2016 20:45

You can rent a room including bills for £75 a week only extra costs are food.. id definitely not take £40 off the son who shares a room. When my kids got to 18 I knew I'd lose tax credits and child benefits that's not their problem it's yours and you should have increased your income to cover the loss I did and I'm a single parent.

morethanacondiment · 08/10/2016 20:58

And what did you say Foxy? Hopefully you've been able to get an idea over the last few weeks of how much he was actually costing you, and can have a sensible conversation with him about his board and your expectations.
Good luck

ellesbellesxxx · 08/10/2016 20:59

I remember this thread from the summer.. Op, I expect he realised what a bargain... And how lovely living at home is :)

marriednotdead · 08/10/2016 21:15

My friend's DS did this, far too cocky, all his mates told him how great it was living in a hostel and how he'd get his own place from the council. 2 weeks there and he wanted to come home.

She told him no! A few years down the line it's panned out ok and their relationship is great but it woke him up to reality.

WatchingFromTheWings · 08/10/2016 21:21

Just spotted the date on the first post and rtft! I'd let him move back provided it's at the higher rate of rent. Bet it's still far less than what he's been paying at his friends!

SquinkiesRule · 08/10/2016 21:43

LOL He wants to come home. Bless he thought you were trying to make a mint off him and now he knows life is expensive. Whats the new rent amount going to be? I'd make him a written list of what you expect
Dishes washed after he makes himself food, not a day later.
Bed made
Own Washing done, not left in the machine or the dryer.
Clean the bathroom on a rota.
etc etc

MrsDilligaf · 09/10/2016 07:37

That took longer than I thought it would . What did you say Foxy?

MissMargie · 09/10/2016 10:21

The point imo is not just rent its meals, cleaning, laundry, food shopping, petrol . Am shocked that so many think adult DCs can expect that provided.

tibbawyrots · 09/10/2016 10:25

Brilliant!

Yes of course you can come back to live here, board is now (higher) and here's your chores list too.

Welcome to the real world, son!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 09/10/2016 11:14

I'm a bloody-minded sort so in your situation I'd tell him that his room is no longer available and make him sweat for as long as possible. That's IF you'd want him back at all. He's rude little beggar for swanning off in the first place after having insulted your intelligence so harshly.

You lost tax-credits and child benefit when he started working, so he should be compensating you for both of those at the very least. If he's still taking home £200 a week I'd say £75 for his keep as a bare minimum. Young people can eat £50-worth of food a week anyway without blinking.

He wants to move back into the family home, you didn't beg him to return so the ball is totally in your court, so state your terms and do not waver!

cakeflower · 09/10/2016 13:13

Threaten not to allow your child back in your home? Lovely. I come from a different culture and can't understand why this delight in making your child feel unwelcome
in your home - trying to profit from your child to prove a point just seems wrong

heateallthebuns · 09/10/2016 13:47

Are you letting him move back in op? What about ds1 in his room?
Hopefully he's learned about being a responsible adult and will offer to pay and help out now?

MrsDilligaf · 09/10/2016 15:35

cakeflower

As has been mentioned many times throughout the thread OP is not profiting from her son.

I shouldn't for a moment that she is delighting in making her child feel unwelcome. But given the back story and her DS's previous attitude (may I suggest you RTFT) I can fully understand any slight reluctance on her part to throw open the doors with unrestrained glee.

The OP has said that her (adult) sons are both working. As they are both adults they should be treated as such.

camena · 09/10/2016 15:44

OP if he does move back home, please for the sake of the woman he may eventually marry will you stop cooking and cleaning for him?!? He's an adult, he needs to do his own chores, stop allowing him to believe that cooking and cleaning are done by the house fairies and he doesn't have to because he has been blessed with a Y chromosome.

Atenco · 09/10/2016 17:03

OP if he does move back home, please for the sake of the woman he may eventually marry will you stop cooking and cleaning for him?!? He's an adult, he needs to do his own chores, stop allowing him to believe that cooking and cleaning are done by the house fairies and he doesn't have to because he has been blessed with a Y chromosome

I am amazed that in the 21st century a woman with a full-time job runs around cooking special meals at odd times for grown-up men, let alone doing their cleaning and housework. Your sons are very ill-equipped for independent living.

Original poster

foxy6 · 09/10/2016 21:49

I have told him he can move back but there are conditions that apply.

OP posts:

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