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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to put sons board up

221 replies

foxy6 · 17/08/2016 15:46

hi all we have two grown up sons living at home, they are 20 and 19. when they started working we agreed to charge them £25 a week board. this wasn't based on what it costs to look after them or what we lost in tax credits but on what they earned. the oldest has a 0 hour contract and at first wasn't working much so was lucky to earn £100 a week. the other son had an apprenticeship at first so was earning just over £100. however the older son now works more and therefore earns more and the other son finished his apprenticeship and has a proper job, they both earn on average £200 a week. we have asked them to contribute more by upping their board to £40 a week. is this unreasonable? DS 1 is ok with it but DS2 informs me hes going to move out and live with a friend as hes not paying £40 a week to live in the house he grew up in.

OP posts:
PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 17/08/2016 18:07

especially when we didn't need it, its daft.

But the OP does need it. The family income has reduced significantly since her sons turned 18.

user1471427096 · 17/08/2016 18:07

It's a good thing he is moving out - because he will learn how much you have been doing for him and how much you have been subdising him. £40 a week all in is less than many people spend on a night out.

Does he know that you are struggling financially?

He's going to get a shock when he experiences real world finances, and that is no bad thing.

CremeEggThief · 17/08/2016 18:10

Patapouf, you try raising a kid and living on £850 a month for everything, including the rent shortfall your housing benefit doesn't cover, and then come back here and tell us people who charge board are disgusting. Talk about judgemental.

Vickyyyy · 17/08/2016 18:11

YANBU. I had to pay HALF of my wages to my mother for board once I was 16.

I thought this was shocking tbh, then I moved out and had like 30 quid per week left of my wages.

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 17/08/2016 18:18

Patapouf

I would have been mortified if my parents were struggling financially yet still supporting me while I had a job and minimal outgoings.

thinkingaboutfostering · 17/08/2016 18:18

FWIW I still live at home with my parents and siblings. I pay £160 in board (goes towards food and house bills council tax ect) and then I also pay £250 in rent to mum. My parents put this aside as almost an enforced savings plan for us for when we can eventually move out.

Dizzydodo · 17/08/2016 18:20

patapouf I doubt the op is trying to make a profit off her sons living with her Hmm the reality is an adult living in your house costs money - they eat food, they use electricity and water etc, many people are not in a position to cover those costs for their adult children so charge 'rent'. The children are usually getting a good deal by paying less than the cost it would be out in the real world and the parents are getting some of their expenses paid, I really can't see how that would be 'disgusting'.

BusStopBetty · 17/08/2016 18:20

If course it's not unreasonable to charge board. Not everyone can afford to subsidise a houseful of adults. And even if you can, it's still perfectly reasonable for them to contribute. An adult should want to contribute, not sponge.

OpenMe · 17/08/2016 18:24

Of course they should pay a price more reflective of the actual cost of living (although of course it won't be) especially if your struggling yourself.

I know a few parents who have taken more substantial "rent" off adult DC to try and hammer home real costs but saved it and returned it to them when they were ready to move out.

Apart from the cost to OP of having DC there, I don't think it does them any favours to get into a habit of almost all their income being disposable.

lazyarse123 · 17/08/2016 18:25

I don't understand the pp who think adults shouldn't pay their way, we're not talking about teenagers with a Saturday job, but grown men. I have 2 grown up children and they both pay £200 pm. I am struggling financially at the moment and without their board we would all lose our home. Their board just about covers their share of the rent which means I pay for everything else = washing, internet, food, cleaning, insurances, tv license, water etc. I wouldn't try to stop them moving out obviously and they have both looked into it but have worked out that they couldn't afford it without sharing and they don't want to do that. They both work full time.

gamerchick · 17/08/2016 18:27

50 quid a week I would. Tell him he's welcome to move out if its too much or send him to one of the bleeding hearts on here who think its shocking.

KC225 · 17/08/2016 18:29

For me it was a third of my wages, none if I was between jobs.

To the poster who said it was disgusting to charge your children rent. It's not rent is it? If the OP wanted to make a profit she would have kicked the sons out and taken in lodgers, she would have made a profit then. She is suggesting that working, earning adults make an appropriate a contribution to cost of the family home. It is credit to her that they still want to live with her.

OpenMe · 17/08/2016 18:29

I paid £60pm when I started work in 1988 on a salary of £4500 pa (which also had to cover a commute into London) and I thought I had a good deal, I did have a good deal compared to many of my friends. Even the people who think they're charging their DC a lot don't seem to have kept up with inflation!

BusStopBetty · 17/08/2016 18:32

Plus, if you make it too cushy they'll never flipping leave.

ollieplimsoles · 17/08/2016 18:32

I did say if its needed, if it is then thats fine, the dc should contribute.

But if the parents don't need it, they shouldn't ask for it.

ollieplimsoles · 17/08/2016 18:34

I won't charge my dc to live with me if I don't need it, I'm their mother not their frigging landlady

OpenMe · 17/08/2016 18:35

I disagree ollie. if the DC are going to save a substantial portion of their salary then maybe but they'll never be able to leave if they're able to think all their income is for spending. At the very least I would take it off them and save it for them.

boo2410 · 17/08/2016 18:36

I don't think children realise how good they have it until they leave home, bet he asks to come back!!

Dizzydodo · 17/08/2016 18:40

ollie would you let them live there free indefinitely? If not when do you draw the line, it's ok when they're 18/20/21 but not when they're 30/35/40? What if they move out then come back? Not trying to be goady, just genuinely curious

BitOutOfPractice · 17/08/2016 18:43

He thinks he can live on £40 a week?

AIBU to put sons board up
Justanothernumber2 · 17/08/2016 18:43

I agree with you Ollie.

AppleJac · 17/08/2016 18:51

My take home pay was around £850 a month when i was working in the community. I had to have a car to do my job so i had to run a car which was always needing garage repairs, pay a phone contract, petrol, car insurance and my mum charged me £200 a month rent.

I really resented her for that. When i went to college after school i did a one year course and got the highest grade possible which allowed me to go onto the next level which was a full 2 years intensive course. I couldnt do the course as my mum wanted to charge £25 a week rent and there was no way i could pay it so i ended up getting a job.

I couldnt save up for my own place as my outgoings were too high, i was dieting so buying my own food as my mum wouldnt buy the slimming world food i needed as she said it was too expensive.

My sister was the same, she was 32 before she could afford to leave home

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 17/08/2016 18:51

Of course adult children who are earning money should pay proportionately. I can't believe anyone would think otherwise. If you don't NEED the money I would still take it and stuff it away somewhere to help them out in the future.

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 17/08/2016 18:53

You resented your mum taking less than a quarter of your income as rent? My rent is more than half my income At the moment. Unfortunately there isn't anyone available to help out on that front.

AppleJac · 17/08/2016 18:59

Too right i resented her. I had too many other outgoings on a shit wage to be able to afford to buy the basic things like clothing etc.

She benefitted from me and my sister living at home (she openly admitted that the money we gave her didnt go into the housekeeping fund but it went into another fund that was used to pay for car things, vet bills etc.

She had internet which was £10 a month and i had to pay her a fiver for log my laptop up to her broadband!

If you wanted to use the tumble drier she charged £2.50 for each time you used it.

I worked 60 hours a week in the community and she would offer to do my washing at £2.50 a load.

I would never do this to my daughter. I want my daughter to get a good education and stay in college as long as possible not tell her she cant do the advanced course because i want to profit from her

Its disgraceful