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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be given baby clothes?

151 replies

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 14:57

It's a long-awaited for, desperately wanted, very probably only, baby girl, due end of November.

And we have been INUNDATED. Not presents but just bags and bags of stuff and I feel horrible, but I don't want it. I want to buy our own things.

AIBU to politely say no? Yesterday our neighbour was knocking on the door giving us bags her granddaughter had outgrown and looked a bit offended when I said no thanks!

OP posts:

ArmySal · 17/08/2016 14:58

Just say you have plenty and don't need anymore, thank you.

JinkxMonsoon · 17/08/2016 14:58

Most people are very grateful for hand me downs (provided they're in good condition) so I can understand why people think you're being odd.

dietborebingo · 17/08/2016 14:59

YANBU.

I offered my DB baby clothes for his child. He said no thanks. No problem! I can completely understand wanting to do it all yourself.

Jackiebrambles · 17/08/2016 15:01

I do understand how you feel. But they grow so quickly and you need a LOT of clothes, especially when you start weaning.

What sizes are people offering you? I personally wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth - nothing stopping you from buying your own stuff too.

ThePinkOcelot · 17/08/2016 15:02

I was pleased with second hand baby clothes, obviously bought my own too. No wonder people think you're odd and up your own backside!!

wizzywig · 17/08/2016 15:02

This happens to me a lot. And its like people just dumping huge bags of stuff. Different if it was 2/3 outfits but when its 4 bags for life sized of kids stuff its too much. Plus they always look well used

Planty18 · 17/08/2016 15:02

There is nothing wrong with saying "oh that is so kind of you but actually people have been so generous and kind that we have so many already we would never be able to use them all, perhaps you could give them to someone else who could use them, thanks so much anyway though." Nothing wrong at all with wanting to choose your own things for your own baby but it's also lovely having things others choose too, but totally your choice.

glueandstick · 17/08/2016 15:03

Say thank you, keep one piece (to never use) and ask if they'd like them back or charity shop then as you have loads.

Never feel you have to keep stuff just because you were given it. Marie Kondo says so.

Original poster

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 15:03

We haven't really got space - this is the other problem, as we're doing up our house so there's only really a couple of rooms with furniture in. So I don't really want a load of 9-12 month stuff taking up wardrobe space.

OP posts:

Slackalice42 · 17/08/2016 15:05

I suggest you say thank you with good grace - go through the stuff and if you don't want it either pass it on or take it to a charity shop - this way no one is upset!

Planty18 · 17/08/2016 15:05

nowhere in your op do you sound up your own backside btw, people get so offended by people wanting new clothes for babies, I can never understand. Each to their own, don't let it upset you.

ThoraGruntwhistle · 17/08/2016 15:06

What planty said - there are ways to turn them down without sounding rude. Try to at least act like you appreciate the thought and thank them but say you've got loads already .

Tootsiepops · 17/08/2016 15:08

I used to do as planty suggested. It worked well.

CurbsideProphet · 17/08/2016 15:09

Absolutely not rude to say thank you but we have plenty. I don't think you're horrible for wanting to buy things for yourself congratulations on your pregnancy

Original poster

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 15:10

The thing is, slack I don't drive (am learning) and we live rurally so taking clothes to a charity shop is a complete pain.

Thanks planty I am obviously very polite and just say we are a bit limited on space and have enough but people do seem a bit offended.

OP posts:

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 17/08/2016 15:11

I was careful to say that I wouldn't be offended, when offering baby clothes, if people didn't want them, as I know they might not. So long as you are polite in your refusal, the problem isn't yours. Not having enough storage space is an entirely resonable reason ...

AStreetcarNamedBob · 17/08/2016 15:13

YANBU I wanted to buy all my own things too. Choosing clothing was half the fun!

I never wanted second hand clothes given to me.

Gazelda · 17/08/2016 15:14

YANBU. or up your own backside. Planty has suggested a good response.

I didn't get given loads of baby clothes, but I have been given quite a few as DD gets older - these are brilliant! They're often very good brands that I'd have to think twice about splashing out on. Branded are generally great quality, and some of the bits and pieces we've had are classic styles that my DD loves more than the bits I've bought for her! So I'd suggest you don't burn all your bridges ...

Planty18 · 17/08/2016 15:14

Glueandstick love Marie kondo!

Sparklesilverglitter · 17/08/2016 15:15

Of course it's ok to say a polite no thank you.

I recently had my DD, it's our first baby and will be our only baby for a number of reasons and I wanted to buy her stuff, go shopping for all the cute little baby bits. When my friends offered I just said " thanks for offering its very kind but I've got enough stuff so don't need them" luckily my friends didn't have a problem with this and they didn't think I was being odd

Original poster

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 15:16

well, we'll see :) most of the stuff isn't to my taste (wouldn't be so rude as to say this of course)

OP posts:

MrBoot · 17/08/2016 15:18

I think saying you already have more than you can use and maybe it would be better to pass on to somebody who could get more use from them sounds very reasonable.

I tend to accept them and pass them to a charity shop.

The worst was when I was given some clothes which were totally not my taste and advised they were 'on loan' to me. When I opened the bag they were aged up to two years, I didn't put one item on my child and I had to hang onto a big bag of clothes for two years before handing them back with a box of chocs to say thanks!!

I can't see why anyone gets offended by not accepting them if you are not going to use them when somebody else could use them.

Eatthecake · 17/08/2016 15:18

Nothing wrong with a polite no thanks and it isn't odd to want the clothes.

I've never taken clothes off friends/family for my 4 DC, I normally do the smile and say "thanks for the kind offer but my DC gave enough clothes so they wouldn't get used" I've never had anybody take offence to this

peggyspagetty · 17/08/2016 15:19

I am lucky and get loads of hand me downs from my good friend. I go through everything, send anything I don't want to a charity shop and put everything else away in zippy bags until we can make use.

Original poster

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 15:20

Getting to the charity shop would involve a twenty minute bus trip with a heavy bag, then back again, so it's easier to say no thank you!!

OP posts:

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