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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be given baby clothes?

151 replies

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 14:57

It's a long-awaited for, desperately wanted, very probably only, baby girl, due end of November.

And we have been INUNDATED. Not presents but just bags and bags of stuff and I feel horrible, but I don't want it. I want to buy our own things.

AIBU to politely say no? Yesterday our neighbour was knocking on the door giving us bags her granddaughter had outgrown and looked a bit offended when I said no thanks!

OP posts:
wizzywig · 17/08/2016 17:51

Isnt that what those charity clothes bags that come through the letterbox for

nennyrainbow · 17/08/2016 18:05

Crikey, where do you live that's 20 mins bus ride from the nearest charity shop? We have about 7 in our nearest small town. Couldn't your DH / DP drive them in?

SpiritedLondon · 17/08/2016 18:26

I think it's fine to want your baby to wear sweet little outfits and to want to choose them but this shouldn't rule out second hand stuff or hand me downs. I was swamped with stuff when i was pregnant and lots wasn't to my taste ( new and second hand). Ultimately I learned to look through the very kind offers and pick the items I knew we would use and then leave the rest for someone else to benefit from. I've also done this with books and toys etc as I've previously ended up with toy donations which had parts broken or missing which is a complete pain. I would also add that 9-12 months is not that large and if you have a bigger baby you maybe using those within 6 months or so from birth. My daughter is 4 and wears a 6-7 in some brands and we get no hand me downs anymore as she's the same size as her cousins. When you see the price of new shoes you may want to re-think your policy !

Kenduskeag · 17/08/2016 18:42

Cherry pick the good stuff and charity shop the rest. Tis the only way.

Original poster
theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 18:48

It isn't a "policy", it's just I prefer to choose clothes myself and I like to know where they came from.

Both DH and I have better things to be doing than driving clothes 6 miles to the charity shop and back again.

OP posts:
Lilacpink40 · 17/08/2016 18:55

Agree with cherry-picking and getting your DH to charity the rest.

I bought new for my DD and found after washing and drying her new clothes for a few times they look used anyhow (not surprising really). Then wished I had donations!

DS wears 2nd hand and new clothes, all useful.

nennyrainbow · 17/08/2016 21:34

Our Tesco has a clothes bank outside. Is there not somewhere you could drop them off next time you're doing your shopping?

MrsJoeyMaynard · 17/08/2016 21:53

Crikey, where do you live that's 20 mins bus ride from the nearest charity shop? We have about 7 in our nearest small town.

It's surely not that unusual to be 20 mins bus drive from the nearest charity shop?
I used to live in a small town with at least 7 charity shops on the high street. I lived about 2.5 miles from the high street, with a bus route to the high street at the end of the road. The bus took about 15 minutes to travel that 2.5 miles.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 17/08/2016 21:56

Agree that most people won't be offended if you politely decline their second hand clothes because you already have loads.

I'd also decline any clothes that the giver wants back. I've had that before, and it's a right PITA keeping track of them and making sure they don't get damaged / stained, unless you keep them unused in a cupboard, which defeats the whole point of having them in the first place.

We also get those charity bin bags through the door at least once a fortnight. That's an easy way to donate unwanted clothes to charity.

StarryIllusion · 17/08/2016 22:04

I had a few things handed down from my cousins kids which were either lovely or very practical, like an endless supply of babygros. DS was a dribble monster.

Mostly though I liked buying my own and that is half the fun of having a girl, getting to choose lots of pretty things. I just said thanks so much, I will probably just choose a couple of things though if that's ok, I'm so short of space. Who knew a baby could take up so much room! Then divert them to a different topic and ask at the end of the conversation if they want the rest back or should I pass it on. If they seem a bit downcast then mention a friend with a newborn who is in need of some stuff and ask if you can pass it on. I did with one persistent neighbour who seemed gutted at everything not getting used. She was delighted and so I passed it on to my friend the charity shop.

jellybeans · 17/08/2016 22:12

I accept gratefully all hand me downs. That way you can spend a bit more on outfits for best whilst having plenty of baby grows etc in hand. Also, many things are often brand new and hardly worn. If I get tatty stuff I just throw away. Any surplus to charity.

If presented with it, I would just accept it and discreetly get rid of after a look through. If offered it politely say that's really lovely thanks but we have already been given so much and running out of room.

People's baby clothes are often precious to them so it is quite an honour to be given them!! Not worth upsetting someone over!!

ALICEinwonders · 17/08/2016 22:35

Yanbu and I posted almost exactly the same post last week. Although I have accepted SOME second hand stuff and do welcome some. Was given bin bags of shit recently with broken bulky toys in that we can't easily dispose of. It's a most like people use you as a dumping ground. I also don't mean to sound ungrateful but I too don't have much room and already have a large basket full of 9-12 month clothes

Shizzlestix · 17/08/2016 22:45

Unreasonable to tell the OP she's ungrateful or should cherry pick or take the clothes and then charity shop it. She has said she doesn't want the stuff, so fair play.

Crikey, where do you live that's 20 mins bus ride from the nearest charity shop? We have about 7 in our nearest small town.

I visited an area where I hope to eventually retire yesterday (UK) Some of the properties I looked at are at least 20 minutes drive from the nearest village.

oneisalunatictheotherinsane · 18/08/2016 00:13

It isn't a "policy", it's just I prefer to choose clothes myself and I like to know where they came from.

Both DH and I have better things to be doing than driving clothes 6 miles to the charity shop and back again.

They are coming from friends and neighbours, I think yabu unless you've very deep pockets, above comment comes across a bit snobbish tbh.

Anyway at least be honest with people and tell them you are only having new stuff for the baby so no thank you.

That'll stop anymore.

hazeimcgee · 18/08/2016 00:49

Do not fill your house with clothes you don't want just cos someone else doesn't want them either. Just politely say no thanks, have enough / buying all new / whatever and leave it. Seriously, if they're going to get offended, they need to get a life.

Congratulatuons OP Flowers

MrBoot · 18/08/2016 01:15

I was thinking about this again and I think one of the main problems these days is Facebook. My friend expected to see her much treasured dresses that she had loaned me in photographs.

It is much better to say thanks but I have enough for now because as a previous poster said, when your child is four or five, you might be delighted with the offer of a good quality weatherproof coat etc that would come in useful for nursery or times at school when another kid takes your kid's coat home by mistake never to be seen again.....

I got lots of offers of baby clothes but don't get any anymore when I really could use them.

LilQueenie · 18/08/2016 01:22

yanbu. If you want to buy your own stuff and can afford to I dont see why they cant then offer to those who really are in need of the clothing.

Donatellalymanmoss · 18/08/2016 01:27

Buying children new clothes gets pretty boring and expensive quite quickly. It's also easy to underestimate how many outfits a small baby that can't move and does nothing but sleep can go through in day.

If you don't want the clothes that's fine, but how far away from your taste can a generic baby-grow be?

Donatellalymanmoss · 18/08/2016 01:29

Both DH and I have better things to be doing than driving clothes 6 miles to the charity shop and back again

Like driving to the shops to buy new baby clothes when you have perfectly good ones sitting in your house Wink

MrBoot · 18/08/2016 01:43

Donate In fairness the OP shouldn't have to justify how she'd rather spend her time doing something she enjoys rather than something she has to go out of her way to do.

Some people enjoy shopping and dressing their children in a particular way. I never dressed my first born in 'generic' babygros. I chose each one carefully to the point where I bought and often exchanged certain patterns for another. I'm sure my in laws (who have zilch interest in clothes or shopping) thought I was quite mad but I enjoyed it. I wasn't half as fussy for DC2 but I totally understand why some people really like it.

Donatellalymanmoss · 18/08/2016 01:59

The wink was meant to indicate it was a joke.

Although maybe I'm just a grumpy old bag, but the OP's attitude started to piss me off a bit. In a world of finite resources it's ridiculous to go out and buy stuff you don't need to satisfy a superfluous want.

I very much doubt there is nothing in the donations the OP could make use. She can still buy plenty of new stuff for the baby.

I shouldn't really rise to the OPs goody response, maybe she was just disappointed people thought she was being reasonable.

Kiwiinkits · 18/08/2016 02:16

*Both DH and I have better things to be doing than driving clothes 6 miles to the charity shop and back again

Like driving to the shops to buy new baby clothes when you have perfectly good ones sitting in your house wink*

hah hah, nice one!

Don't cut off your source of kids clothes early. You'll likely get 'over' your wish to dress your child all new in a few months (when you realise how silly it is). You'll really need clothes when your kid is 3,4,5,6... and it does start to get expensive.

And I agree with Donatella about the wastefulness of buying new.

orangebird69 · 18/08/2016 02:16

Yanbu op. I only wanted new clothes for my ds. And only ever will do. If it wasn't for ridiculous and superfluous people like me buying new, there wouldn't be a 2nd hand market, would there?......

monkeymamma · 18/08/2016 07:18

Buying children new clothes quickly gets boring and expensive no it doesn't! I like buying my boys new clothes way more than I like buying stuff for me. And IMO kids clothes are actually very cheap. My eldest is in size 5-6 years now, I still love popping a new t shirt on him and seeing how cute he looks!

What the op describes is actually a huge problem. Once your baby is grown you have so much to get rid of. And as Sarah beeny says 'your own stains are so much nicer than other peoples', clothes that look to be in decent condition/well-loved to their original owners can look tatty and worn (and don't have the same sentimental connotations) to the new ones! I try to be as discriminating as possible and only offer good brands in good condition and things that would command a decent resale anyway (so what I'm offering is actually generous not just dumping stuff). And I always check, with photos attached, before turning up with something. But it's a problem to know what to do with the lovely, worn, unremarkable things that still smell faintly of your gorgeous, no-longer-a-baby baby. I hate to part with them but can't keep them forever like some bizarre miss havisham with a roomful of old baby stuff!

HeyRobot · 18/08/2016 08:57

If you're precious about the clothes you've bought you might find that some stuff you don't care for comes in handy for the weaning stage on the days you want to try food that can stain. Same for those days where you're expecting an explosive poop after a couple of days off.

Doesn't mean you have to though - if you want to buy new that's up to you and it is a pain to take a heavy bag of stuff to the charity shop - especially when pregnant! As long as you're polite then people who offer have no business being offended.