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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be given baby clothes?

151 replies

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 14:57

It's a long-awaited for, desperately wanted, very probably only, baby girl, due end of November.

And we have been INUNDATED. Not presents but just bags and bags of stuff and I feel horrible, but I don't want it. I want to buy our own things.

AIBU to politely say no? Yesterday our neighbour was knocking on the door giving us bags her granddaughter had outgrown and looked a bit offended when I said no thanks!

OP posts:

MrsGsnow18 · 17/08/2016 15:20

You don't have to take other people's old clothes if you don't want to!
People do just mean well I'm sure and it's kind of them to offer! It does seem excessive for them to bring bags and bags though!
Nothing wrong with hand me downs and plenty of people are very grateful, but I also understand your desire to buy your own clothes.
Just thank them and say how kind it is but that you have received so much from others and have very little space and that the clothes could be given to charity instead.
It's no big deal, I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't want my old clothes, I'd just give them to charity.

Pinkheart5915 · 17/08/2016 15:24

Yanbu to say a polite no thanks

I've never taken second hand clothes for ds or our new DD, I love shopping for cute little baby bits and I have my style I like to dress them in. I just do the " thank you but they've got enough clothes" nobody has ever taken offence

NavyandWhite · 17/08/2016 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhGoToSleepPlease · 17/08/2016 15:41

I don't understand why people think it's odd that you don't want them.

Nice of people to offer but I said no & it was fine. I wanted to buy my own. Really can't see why that's an issue. It's not being ungrateful & it's not snobbery. It's just the way you want to do it for your baby.

3luckystars · 17/08/2016 15:45

Find someone else pregnant and give it all to them! That's what they are all doing to you : )

Happyhippy45 · 17/08/2016 15:46

I can appreciate you wanting to put your brand new baby in brand new clothes. We did for the first couple of months with our first. Then I was in the charity shops paying for hand me downs! They grow so fast!
I was the first one out of my group of friends to have a baby so I didn't get any free hand me downs.
I did pass on baby clothes to friends that wanted/needed them. No one refused them. In fact they were very happy to not have to spend the money!

I don't see anything wrong with 2nd hand clothes. It's a good way to recycle.
I would just accept them, make sure they don't want them back again and take what I'm definitely not going to use to the charity shop.

yorkshapudding · 17/08/2016 15:47

YANBU. As long as you're polite about it I don't see why anyone would be offended but then people do get a bit sensitive when it comes to hand-me-downs for some reason. When I was pregnant with DD my SIL brought round several bin bags full of her daughters old clothes...up to age 4 years It hadn't occurred to her that we might not have the space to store things we wouldn't even be able to use for a few years on top of all the things we actually needed for a newborn. When I said "that's really thoughtful of you but do you mind if we just take the baby things? We don't really have the room to store the bigger stuff" she seemed fine about it but then later told MIL that she was really upset and offended.

Happyhippy45 · 17/08/2016 15:49

Oops just saw bit about being 20 mins from charity shop. I'd still take them lol and take a smaller bag with me to charity shop when I'm going that way anyway.

plipplops · 17/08/2016 15:49

I wasn't bothered about buying my own but was just given so many second hand bags that I didn't know what to do with them! Depending on who it was I either said "that's really kind, but I've got absolutely loads thanks", or took it, kept a couple of nice bits and charity shopped the rest. I think it depends a bit in the spirit it's given - some people are just trying to avoid a trip to the charity shop, but some people had obviously saved lovely quality things and wanted to see them used. Was v grateful for the latter, not so much the former! DDs are older now and there are a couple of people who give us lovely things, I'm really grateful as although I could probably afford to buy whatever I wanted, if we've been given something I don't care if they ruin it so we tend not to keep anything for 'best'. Also they love having their friends/cousins clothes, DDs are 7 and 9 and they love the novelty!

AlpacaLypse · 17/08/2016 15:55

Of course yanbu to want to choose new for your baby. Stick to your guns with the line of 'oh that's so sweet, but the thing is I've been given loads already and have run out of space to store it!'

Our local woman's refuge has been appealing for children's clothing so I'd consider suggesting that (or any charity) as a destination if they seem determined to off load it today.

Looking ahead, hand me downs were much appreciated a bit later on in the process, when babies turn into toddlers and spread food, paint, mud etc everywhere. Mine were both girls but got just as filthy and shredded just as much clothing playing outside as any of their boy cousins.

ImYourMama · 17/08/2016 15:56

I'm exactly the same, baby girl due mid December and I've smashed the summer sales, nothing has been full price but all been carefully chosen and each item makes me smile because me and DH picked it together. Sometimes your expected to be grateful even if you don't want what's on offer. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy shopping alone while you can!

SnotGoblin · 17/08/2016 15:56

Oooh I was so the opposite. My firstborn was virtually clothed entirely of gifts and hand me downs . Different strokes. I always say thankyouverymuch for bags of seconds and mine out whatever I'd like then dump the rest in a charity bin or pass it on to someone else to sift through. Obviously you don't have to accept anything at all but as it's sort of the norm for baby stuff to be passed around, you might get a few sideways glances. Don't let it bother you and enjoy clothes shopping for your new arrival.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/08/2016 15:58

I would ask the giver if they are wanting it back then accept the bags and sort through them. Anything you don't want you can give to charity. I have been given baby grows which cost £15 per baby grow that was maybe worn a handful of times. Other stuff I'm not interested in. I still sort through it even though I do like DD also having bits I have got her

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/08/2016 16:00

You can give them to charity in the bags that come through the door (I assume charities do this all over?)

GipsyDanger · 17/08/2016 16:01

I get what you mean, I have just got rid of 4 bag of clothes for ds, most of which were unworn. He's 5 months now and I'm only now actually buying things I want him to wear

butterfliesandzebras · 17/08/2016 16:15

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable if you just say you have enough stuff and suggest they pass it on to someone else who needs it more. As long as you aren't being judgmental about hand-me-downs.

I'm pregnant and I'd love to be inundated with baby stuff! Alas I have no friends at the right kind of stage, so I doubt it will happen.

switswoo81 · 17/08/2016 16:29

Yanbu babies and kids clothes are cheap especially in sales plus you will probably get loads of gifts . I got given stuff that ended being a pain to store and looked tatty.

GoFuckYourselfDailyMail · 17/08/2016 16:34

We got given mountains of stuff for DD when she was born. Some of it was lovely, the naff stuff I just gave to charity.

I don't see the problem? Accept graciously and get rid at the charity shop if you don't want it.

I received it all with open arms once I realised DD's superhuman capacity to indelibly mustard-shit through everything.

They grow so fast and are so messy, you can't be precious about clothes really.

Justanothernumber2 · 17/08/2016 16:40

Ops said a few times that a trip to a charity shop would involve a long inconvenient bus journey.

mishmash1979 · 17/08/2016 16:42

I love hand me downs;especially as I have 4!! However I do love to buy new bits and due to a combination of the two I ended up with 38 t shirts for my 2 boys this summer !(they r the same size)

Everytimeref · 17/08/2016 16:45

I have a similar dilemma. My DIL is due in 4 weeks, she has been been given loads of 0-3 month stuff, a bit over whelming really! Today my mum gave me a massive bag of stuff her good friend gave her. I couldnt say no but dont think DIL will want any more.
Anyone need a bag of neutral 0- 3 month baby stuff!!

coconutpie · 17/08/2016 16:47

YANBU. Use Planty's response,

stripeyorangesocks71 · 17/08/2016 16:51

I can understand where you are coming from and I don't think you're wrong to say 'no thank you'. People have said to me if 'its a girl/boy we have loads of stuff you can have' which is nice but also to their taste and not necessarily mine and my partners. I have bought lots of new stuff and some second hand stuff; any clothes we get given will be sorted through and any we don't want then we can charity or pass on to others.

glueandstick · 17/08/2016 17:29

Some charities will pick up! I know that's being a bit pedantic but it's useful to know. The heart foundation does anyhow :)

Justanothernumber2 · 17/08/2016 17:33

I think that's furniture

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