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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to be given baby clothes?

151 replies

theenchantedforests · 17/08/2016 14:57

It's a long-awaited for, desperately wanted, very probably only, baby girl, due end of November.

And we have been INUNDATED. Not presents but just bags and bags of stuff and I feel horrible, but I don't want it. I want to buy our own things.

AIBU to politely say no? Yesterday our neighbour was knocking on the door giving us bags her granddaughter had outgrown and looked a bit offended when I said no thanks!

OP posts:

Original poster

theenchantedforests · 18/08/2016 09:09

Not goady. It's just people keep saying to take it to charity.

We both work full time, have a house in need of renovation with a big overgrown garden and don't have the TIME to be running to and from the nearest town (about ten minutes in the car then you have to pay for petrol) to give someone else's stuff to charity.

I'm not anti second hand at all, but it's just I prefer to know where it's come from and be sensible about it, one of the bags we got was from someone with a summer born boy so there were Christmas outfits that would fit a six month old but our DD will only be about a month old.

And like I say space is limited at the moment as we have one bedroom that is useable so one wardrobe and chest of drawers. We have one of those clear plastic ones with babygros, muslins and so on, I just don't want to be taken up with other people's clothes for the next three years right now!

I think some people mean to be kind but other people just use you as a clear out.

OP posts:

kierenthecommunity · 18/08/2016 09:18

I once freecycled an old high chair, which a lady who worked for a charity that works with young mums/asylum seekers/people in deprived areas responded to. Best move ever. I asked her if they took second hand clothes and she looked like she was going to snatch my arm off. So now when i have a clear out I drop her an email and she comes to my house and picks it all up

Nurseries are usually grateful for clothing too (maybe not new born stuff but for older kids, for when they have accidents etc) Or if there's a children's centre near you they usually have support workers that will pass on stuff to people who need it

kierenthecommunity · 18/08/2016 09:19

Oh re the xmas stuff - get that on a local for sale page. People go nuts for that!

Donatellalymanmoss · 18/08/2016 09:28

monkeymama surely that's why we should all be sharing baby clothes that get wore for a couple of months then thrown away.

theenchantedforest why do you think you're going to know where new clothes came from anymore than second hand. That makes no sense. It was all most likely made in Asia whether it's second hand or new, and a wash will get unanything 'unsavoury' away.

kierenthecommunity · 18/08/2016 09:43

Oh and I know you said space was an issue but if you've been given any 2-3 and 3-4 basics, hang on to them! We had a kallix (?) unit so I got some of those drona boxes which are tardis like in the amount they can hold, and stashed the stuff away in those sizes.

Come crèche/nursery years when everything gets utterly trashed (well, if you have a kid anything like mine ) you seriously will be glad you kept it. Especially as I'm less bothered when a free tshirt gets covered in paint as opposed to one I've picked myself, and paid for

imwithspud · 18/08/2016 09:45

YANBU, I don't mind receiving second hand stuff and im very grateful, but I also enjoy going out and choosing things for myself too.

Sometimes people use you as a way to offload all their old baby stuff rather than wanting to help. I've had similar with a family member who recently offloaded a load of old toys which we really didn't want or need. I accepted them gracefully but they are now sat waiting to go in the next charity bag that comes through the door.

Do you often get charity bags through your door? I often struggle to get to a charity shop but we get at least

imwithspud · 18/08/2016 09:46

Posted too soon...

We get at least one bag through the door a week, the main thing is remembering to put the bag out on the right day though.

WhatamessIgotinto · 18/08/2016 09:47

I had loads of stiff given to me and I was so grateful but didn't need any more. A lovely local lady came round with a bag and I explained that I had so much already that perhaps another friend who was pregnant might like them as I didn't want anything to go to waste. She was fine with that.

SouthDownsSunshine · 18/08/2016 09:50

YANBU. I felt the same when dd was a baby. Some of the stuff we were given/lent was in bad condition as well.

However, now dd is 2, the second hand clothes are really useful. We've had a few good quality (as new) coats, plus lots of leggings and t shirts that are perfect for nursery or craft times. I can then save my money to buy dd lovely dresses, shoes etc.

Hulababy · 18/08/2016 10:02

I have passed clothes on as Dd has grown up but always with the comment that I am not offended at all if they don't want them, or only want one or two bits and either I or them can pass the rest to a charity shop or whatever. And I ask beforehand bit just turn up with them.

When dd was first born I didn't really wand hand me downs either. So I either said no thank you, or when that wasn't the option, I took them - sometimes had a look through Incase something. Decorum took my fancy, and then passed the rest on it took to a charity shop.

Dd was long awaited (took a while plus a mc) to have her and I was really excited to go out and choose things for her. Grandparents and my sister were too. So I had plenty of new things so didn't really bed lots of others given as well.

Nothing wrong with wanting to buy things yourself.
Nothing wrong, or odd, is saying no thank you.

barefootinkitchen · 18/08/2016 10:05

I felt exactly the same .Long awaited and only girl. I wanted to buy everything new and to my taste and lived in an apartment with no storage and didn't drive. You just have to be firm and say you don't have the space.

MrsNuckyThompson · 18/08/2016 10:08

I think you'll feel differently after the new born stage... At first I wouldn't have wanted to put my brand new baby into anything which wasn't brand new.... But after that stage passed and you start to get through LOTS of clothes I found it quite exciting being passed a random bin bag full of stuff!!

Perhaps you'd consider saying - I have TONS of newborn stuff, but will happily take anything 6m+?

AngelsWithSilverWings · 18/08/2016 10:12

As long as you politely decline it's fine. People are just trying to do a nice thing and most people I know love a bag of stuff my kids have grown out of , especially as most of it is in perfect condition.

My kids were also longed for ( 10 years trying before adopting two babies!) but I've always been delighted with a bag of second hand clothes!

StormyTeaCup · 18/08/2016 10:12

YANBU. This makes me feel so awkward though i understand why people do it, DS had such lovely things, many of which are still immaculate but I will just give them to charity if we don't have another boy.

I just say 'oh thank you but we have got loads already'. Some people are more pushy so in those cases i have just said thanks and taken it and either given to charity if its in good condition or binned it if not (had a couple of v old looking items...not really sure why the person thought anyone would want it but whatever!).

101handbags · 18/08/2016 10:20

YADNBU. There is absolutely nothing wrong in (politely) declining any more. Nothing wrong at all. I don't have children but when my sister had her baby people would give her things and, to be honest, it became quite clear that people were using her as a means of disposing of things that they couldn't be bothered to get rid of themselves. One offender in particular was a friend of my mum's who had recently become a grandparent. Stained, torn, ripped, muddy things which should have been disposed of. I know this is not case in all (or even many) instances, but in the end my sister had to ask for the donations to stop, saying she had enough. I really don't think it's rude to politely decline. You have enough to do.

missm0use · 18/08/2016 10:21

I got given loads and loads of stuff. I spent 2 hrs going through it all, picked out the stuff I liked and wanted to use and washed it and put it away for our daughter (we had stuff from newborn through to 18 months) and it made a good bases for buying our own stuff.
Anything I didn't want I have to a local charity shop!
Baby clothes are expensive given how quickly they grow (DD is almost 7 months and is only recently wearing 3 - 6 months).
I felt like that at first about buying clothes and wanted to buy all my own stuff but in the end was really greatful for the gifted stuff. I've bought lots of lovely little outfits that are a bit more expensive than I'd planned because I'd saved so much on buying basic stuff.

MrsRhubarb · 18/08/2016 11:05

YANBU. I was offered lots of stuff for DD, most of which I accepted out of politeness. It was so pink, and very worn. I kept some just as messy clothes to bulk out when we got, but most of it went to the Salvation Army clothes collection at the local tip. Next time I will definitely say no thanks, we already have loads!

DecoratingDivvy · 19/08/2016 18:23

I photographed the outfits I was offering and friends just picked out the stuff they liked and handed back anything still useable (I told them poo explosion vests could go straight in the bin)
Just say the truth - you've got enough in your online shopping basket already and no space for more - thanks so much for the offer.

DecoratingDivvy · 19/08/2016 18:23

Handed back when they'd finished using it

AmyC86 · 19/08/2016 18:51

I've seen friends being dumped upon & they where so overwhelmed. Bing bags of stuff & over half could have easily gone in the bin

Feilin · 19/08/2016 18:57

Firstly congrats ! Secondly YANBU however I was glad to get given stuff but you could either say no ta or thanks and pass them on?

Mummyp83 · 19/08/2016 20:01

YANBU at all! Why do some posters think it is rude to refuse second hand things but not rude to impose your used goods that you no longer want onto other people?! It isn't stuck up to want only new things for your baby/child. Our DD is almost two and hasn't had anything second hand as it was important to us to have new clothes for her. After a few times of saying thank you so mich for the thought but we already have everything we need, people stopped offering things to us. YADNBU it is not that you are asking other people to buy these things for you. Good luck with the baby and enjoy your baby shopping :)

Mummyp83 · 19/08/2016 20:01

Much not mich

bonnie1981 · 19/08/2016 20:08

just say thanks and give the bag to a charity shop?

mrsc118 · 19/08/2016 20:10

Go through it. Keep bits you like. Take the rest to charity shop/clothing bank. We had tons and tons given to us. I politely said thank you and did the above.

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