To think that sleeping around is perfectly fine?

[Kikibanana86]

Ok so I have had my fair share of one night stands, flings, relationships, oh and a marriage!

I've had quite a "good time" since my separation last year, and my close friends are very supportive and usually eager to hear the gossip!

I don't want a relationship as I have children, my house, career prospects etc and I love being single. I do however have a high sex drive and I do like male attention so I have quite a few friends with benefits and I still do all the tinder/pof stuff too.

An old friend I don't live near anymore made some quite judgemental comments about what I was getting up to and it surprised me, as none of my friends are like that and actually admit to living vicariously thorough me

So I was thinking about it, and why do some people think it's wrong to have casual sex with as many people as you like as long as it's consensual, you use protection and you're not cheating on anyone?

I can't think of any reasons why? Where does it come from? Religion? Keeping women in their place?

I am in my mid forties, single and having a great time with casual sex. I currently don't want a full on relationship but that doesn't mean that I want to be celibate either. I'm in my bloody prime, look damn good and will enjoy sex with whoever I want. Two consenting adults, using condoms, having a bloody good time with each other is great.

Scrub that. It was for me. I just wasn't remembering properly. Before I married I had sex with a number of boyfriends, usually men who I was sleeping with at the same time or who overlapped.

My rule was that I had to be in a relationship with them. That was three dates. I am still alive. I have never been assaulted by someone I've had sex with, never had an STD and never been accidentally pregnant.

If I was single again, I'd apply the same rule. I wouldn't be overly bothered by exposing my middle aged body to new lovers but I wouldn't go on top with the lights on. I usually apply that rule with my husband btw. Jowls are terrible things.

Just to clarify I don't tell colleagues, I don't even have a proper job! I'm at college with a placement and its in a pretty laid back industry( not office based) so I don't think it would matter much if I did but I'm an intelligent person and I think I would be able to judge if it was the right kind of environment to talk about that kind of stuff.

Chatting with close friends = forcing information on your work colleagues. ;)

Christ almighty. What does he have to do with anything?

squoosh in case you think I was serious, I was quoting someone from much earlier in the thread. It made me laugh, which is not the appropriate reaction to a serial killer, but there you go.

I agree with your warning about GPs and Harold Shipman

Maybe you could put up a sign indicating that you own the airspace in the room and that forbidden topics include casual sex?

In an ideal world, my sign proclaiming forbidden topics would be quite big and detailed comedy. Like this:

However, seeing as my plans for world domination have consistently failed, people continue to do what they want to do and all I can do is tut.

Obviously people like Ted Bundy are few and far between but there are those men who enjoy abusing women during sex like spitting on them (one experience I had) or leaving you with hundreds of bruises. And these are often men who sleep around because they hate women and view them as disposable objects. There are of course plenty who don't but they are rather abundant on dating sites. Which is why I no longer use them!

Sorry limited I realise the bonkers Ted Bundy comment didn't originate from you!

'But why does having a lot of sexual partners indicate low self-regard?'

People generally think this because according to 'research' women who feel nobody will want them for a relationship 'settle' for casual sex instead. They don't see themselves as high value enough to be someone's wife or girlfriend. So they need to work on their self esteem.

This is not my view but it seems to what a lot of people think.

I don't think Ted Bundy lured woman through one night stands. Iirc he used to get them to help him put shopping in his VW Beetle by having a cast on his arm. His last spree was him invading a sorority house and maiming & killing in an out of control blitz attack.

Lesson - don't help the needy. Or go to university.

Never trust people with plaster casts on their arms. Or swans. They can break your arm. I don't know why they want to do that. Just some kind of sick compulsion I guess.

"Maybe you could put up a sign indicating that you own the airspace in the room and that forbidden topics include casual sex"

It should be obvious that you shouldn't make colleagues uncomfortable with inappropriate conversations.
As it happens, I seem to have got my wires crossed and it was someone else who gave details of her sex life at work, not OP, so apologies to OP for that misunderstanding.

So I was thinking about it, and why do some people think it's wrong to have casual sex with as many people as you like as long as it's consensual, you use protection and you're not cheating on anyone?

I have read that many girls who have casual sex don't actually get anything out of it, that the men are selfish and shit in bed, and most girls don't even have an orgasm.

Not sure if that is also true for grown ass women. But if I had casual sex (which I won't ever because I tend to want an emotional connection) I would make damn sure that the guys go down on me before anything else happens, and that vaginal intercourse even using condoms is a very rare or non-existent thing. Maximize the fun, minimize the risk. I would be very pragmatic about it, as if there's no feelings involved, pragmatic is the way to go, right?

I can't think of any reasons why? Where does it come from? Religion? Keeping women in their place?

You know it is the latter, and religion is just formed to serve patriarchal purposes. If women have sex with anyone they want to, then how can men be sure their precious male heirs are actually their own?

Nowadays, women are more and more shamed for NOT wanting to have sex, casual or otherwise, with men, because now that paternity tests are available, women not having sex with men is the only thing that can thwart patriarchy.

Same old shit, new strategy. But same old shit.

itsmine I'm pretty sure they don't feel sorry for me, and I don't think I am being secretly judged by them as they were the same before they got married and in general are very liberal feminist women. I might be wrong but I just think your confusing what you would think with what others would think!

There's been a couple who weren't great but I'm good at making myself orgasm so I just always do but it's not always them that make me iykwim!? Which can happen in a relationship too I guess.

I agree with the pp who said how interesting it is, and I really do like the variety. I can't imagine having sex with the same person forever, I might change my mind if I meet the right person or if I get bored but for now variety is the spice of life!

It also can't be good for your emotional health to sleep with strangers. Sex is such an intimate act, do you not feel sad and empty the next day?

Im old ish (45), married 18 years now and faithful and happy but had loads one night stands with strangers in my late teens/early 20s. Had a great time, me and my best friend on our nights out. Great sex, good sex and not so good sex sometimes but loads memories and good times really. Cant say it ever damaged my emotional health, I never once felt "sad and empty" the next day - why assume this about people? I usually felt hungover if anything!

And the reason there is so many is just because I tend to see most people about 3 or 4 times before I either get annoyed with them or it just fizzles out, there's a couple who I see regularly but I'm still on tinder etc as you just don't know what's going to happen!

Vestal - "same old shit, new strategy". I wonder about this too. I'm not saying that FWB situations can never work. But just because the woman feels she's having great sex in an equal, consensual set-up, this doesn't mean that the man doesn't (even in a subconscious level) see her as "easy", a "slut" or similar. Men and women have a different psycho-sexual make up and unfortunately, for men, it's often about power and ego in a way that it isn't for women.

Or to put it another way, how many of these male FWBs will eventually want to settle down with a woman who tells him she's had an untold number of sexual partners? This is the hypocrisy.

What do yo mean by that? By fizzles out I mean I just don't get the urge to see them again, is there something wrong with that?

Go for it OP. As long as you're taking necessary precautions health and safety wise why wouldn't you! I thinks it's largely sexism at play here. I think a woman attracts much more judgement than a man and sadly women are as guilty of putting the boot in as men are.

I think a lot of men wouldn't want to settle down and it is hypocritical but tbh I wouldn't want to settle down with someone who cares about that kind of stuff.

And I have had a fair few offers of relationships and dates from these guys and they know what I've been up to so I think you would be surprised how many don't really care, especially if they do it themselves. Maybe it's an age thing? All the men I've been with have been early twenties.

how many of these male FWBs will eventually want to settle down with a woman who tells him she's had an untold number of sexual partners?

Who cares!

Do you actually spend an evening with them first or are they literally in and out? I just wondered why you get annoyed with them

I think when people come out of a relationship, at first they do like the feeling if freedom and having the chance to experiment with other people.