AIB precious

[Asuitablemum]

Came home from work and nanny, who was looking after the kids, was telling me how the day went. In both of children's hearing (they were on my knee), she said '4 yo has been really good today especially as 1 yo has been quite spiteful today. She bit him once.'

Is it just me or is it a bit harsh to call a (wonderful) 1yo spiteful. And to say it in front of them can't be good for sibling relations can it? 4yo then started backing her up, say about pulling hair etc. Or is this something most people might say?

I'm not really upset by it, it just seemed a bit off. Luckily she doesn't do most of the childcare.

Is it not spiteful (mean/nasty would be the definition of the word) to bite your sibling?

YABU.

HTH.

Ffs, you are definitely being precious.

Yabvu

Biting someone is spiteful. It depends how it was worded really. The OP says that the 1yo has been quite spiteful not saying the 1yo is spiteful (so saying it about the behaviour rather than the 1yo) iyswim?

I doubt the 1 year old would even understand or care about being called spiteful anyway

Why would you have a nanny 'who doesn't do most of the childcare'?

spiteful
ˈspʌɪtfʊl,-f(ə)l/Submit
adjective
showing or caused by malice.
"the teachers made spiteful little jokes about me"
synonyms: malicious, mean, nasty, cruel, unkind, unfriendly, snide, hurtful, wounding, barbed, cutting, hateful, ill-natured, bitter, venomous, poisonous, acid, hostile, rancorous, malevolent, evil-intentioned, baleful, vindictive, vengeful, vitriolic, vicious, splenetic, malign, malignant, bilious;

Biting someone is mean/nasty/cruel/unkind/unfriendly/hurtful/etc. etc. isn't it?

YABU.

Haha I thought I might be! I just don't like calling the kids names like spiteful, lazy, naughty etc. I'd rather name the behaviour. -didn't do homework, threw toys, pulled hair etc.

The 1yo can hear and understand a lot of words and also the way it is said. I also think she should just deal with it then and there then tell me privately. Not being it up again.

The nanny is a grandma, you use the wrong word!

Bring it up.

YAB precious. Treat your 4 year for being a good older sibling even though the baby has been irritating today.

P.S what does your nanny do if not the majority of childcare?

I don't think you are being precious. You don't call a baby spiteful. If she thinks a 1 year old is deliberately biting and hurting her sibling in order to inflict pain then she doesn't really understand children and is possibly in the wrong job. It's not a huge deal but you're right, it is a bit off.

Op, I know your 1yo is still only a baby, but I hope you don't continue to minimise this kind of behaviour as she grows up.

I also don't agree that she was truly spiteful, can a 1yo who is still learning really be 'evil-intentioned?!

DH and I have a standing joke about a friend who called her one year old spiteful. It seems a ridiculous thing to say about a baby.

Actually I think it was a little inappropriate, mainly for the 4 yr old.

1 year olds bite for a range of reasons, they don't have those sort of intentions as yet.

I think something along the lines of "4 year old was very good, and very tolerant of her younger baby sibling who bit her because she hasn't learnt yet that we don't bite others. She was very grown up indeed" - basically all labels positive on the 4 year old who understands stuff and will need help with this kind of thing. And then "we've talked about what she can do if it happens again or how to try to avoid getting bitten and I'm going to keep and eye on baby and give her more things to chew."

You don't want to start negative labels between siblings; my younger sister was quite difficult, whilst I needed acknowledgement it was hard bring around her as she bit etc I didn't need extra labels like spiteful.

Spiteful is quite calculating. A 1 year old isn't that calculating.

'Grandmother tells the truth about children's behaviour within earshot'. Shock. Horror. Whatever next...

Loopydoopy. Honest question, how would you react to the biting? I would say no biting it hurts and take her away with a stern look. Them comfort 4yo. But then not bring it up again.

Yabu. And precious. She named a behaviour not labelled the child ( though tbh imo your 1yo doesn't understand the word spiteful)

And "we need to teach baby not to bite as biting isn't nice"

All in ear shot of 4 year old.

Bluebilly. Thank you, yes I think that is what I would have preferred.

YABU... Really precious.

It's all semantics, and your 1yo won't understand and you weren't there for the context at the time.

The nanny is a grandma, you use the wrong word!

Ah- makes more sense except most people would have referred to their mother or mother in law in that situation as calling her 'nanny' is awfully twee

Agree she was not saying the child was spiteful only the behaviour.

The nanny said what had happened to you in her words and it is spiteful to bite someone.

I expect all the 4yr old heard was how she had been good.

Is 1 year old nearly 2?