Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

AIB precious

119 replies

Asuitablemum · 10/08/2016 21:20

Came home from work and nanny, who was looking after the kids, was telling me how the day went. In both of children's hearing (they were on my knee), she said '4 yo has been really good today especially as 1 yo has been quite spiteful today. She bit him once.'

Is it just me or is it a bit harsh to call a (wonderful) 1yo spiteful. And to say it in front of them can't be good for sibling relations can it? 4yo then started backing her up, say about pulling hair etc. Or is this something most people might say?

I'm not really upset by it, it just seemed a bit off. Luckily she doesn't do most of the childcare.

OP posts:

Report

5moreminutes · 11/08/2016 11:55

The words people choose generally do tell us quite a lot about what they think, unless they actually don't understand the words they choose. If somebody casually described the baby/ small toddler they had been looking after all day as having been spiteful I would assume that, for today at least, they did not like that child!

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 11/08/2016 12:19

OP:
I think your use of the word "nanny" is misleading.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 11/08/2016 12:22

Also, you are reading far too much into the word. Far too much.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 11/08/2016 12:24

The word "spiteful", that is. Some other contributors are also reading too much into it. The grandmother might just have said naughty. Would that have passed muster?

Asuitablemum · 11/08/2016 13:52

Sorry about the nanny thing, my bad! Think saying '4yo has been good because 1yo was naughty' in front of them I don't think would be brilliant either. Bit better. I'd rather she just told me away from them about any bad behaviour honestly. As an adult I wouldn't like it if people started discussed all the things I'd done wrong that day at the end of the day in front of everyone.

OP posts:

Ohflippinheck · 11/08/2016 14:34

I think the word itself is obviously more powerful to some people than others 5. As I said before it was in common use amongst my parents generation so I see it on a level with words like naughty or nasty.

I'm sorry asuitablemum but I do think it's precious to protect the DCs from a pretty standard conversation. Nanny probably already used the word at the time it happened!

SandyPantz · 11/08/2016 16:35

the grandparent spelling of the word that sounds like Nanny is Nannie! I've never seen it written as Nanny, Nanny sounds the same but is an employee

minipie · 11/08/2016 16:40

Don't agree Sandy. Lots of families call their granny Nanny. Spelled with a Y. Actually I've never seen it spelled Nannie!

Ohflippinheck · 11/08/2016 18:33

That's a very confident pronouncement Sandy.
I'm pretty sure every greetings card maker spells it 'nanny'.

mathanxiety · 11/08/2016 19:19

Naughty implies intent too, and knowledge of expected behaviour.

If someone looking after my children were to say what the granny here said, I would start looking for someone else to do the job because I would expect someone providing childcare to understand baby and child development.

This isn't a question of wording - it's ignorance of developmental norms and also an inappropriate choice of how to deal with something that came up that is absolutely normal and to be expected when looking after more than one baby or small child.

If she felt so overwhelmed by her day that she chose such a loaded word word that conveyed ill-feelings or frustration towards a baby of 20 months, that's yet another reason I would start looking for someone else.

And then there is this:
It matters because the 4 yo understands not because the baby might. It sets 4 yo up as golden and 1 yo as inclined towards properly malevolent actions, rather than 4 yo up as a lovely big sibling to a baby who acts like a a baby and is fully expected to to learn to be a lovely sibling too in time.

Absolutely right to say 4yo has been good and so tolerant of the baby's tricky biting and hair pulling phase.

^^THIS by 5moreminutes
The golden child element is extremely important here. It is extremely unhealthy.

(FWIW, I have never hired someone to do childcare for me apart from evening babysitters, but I did work as a nanny fora while and I would fully expect to be fired if I came out with a statement like this gran's).

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 11/08/2016 21:16

Omg go get childcare that is very dear or accept that people are human and don't always behave as we expect. That goes for a 20 month old to a 100 year old. We are all getting a bit precious if we consider giving up free childcare from a loving yet flawed grandparent to a paid professional. (Who also won't always behave/say the right thing all the time). I have 3 kids and I have seen spiteful behaviour from them some of the time and from a very young age. On the whole they are lovely kids though but have their moments. Just as I do because I am human.

mathanxiety · 12/08/2016 05:51

Childcare is not necessarily very dear.

What cost peace of mind anyway?

I may be biased as a former nanny, but I would choose the paid childcare over a relative who doesn't seem to understand much about normal baby and child development. At least with someone who has some training and will get their next job based on their performance in their current one, you know you have someone motivated to do their best for your children.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 12/08/2016 09:08

Guess what maths anxiety I have had childcare and it was more expensive than our mortgage and believe me it was the cheapest option used. Not patronising at all.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/08/2016 10:59

Regarding the spelling of nanny for grandparent. Nannie is a word I've never seen, always writ nanny. So I suppose it is interchangeable as in aunty or auntie.

Ohflippinheck · 12/08/2016 19:13

mathanxiety are you really suggesting that the grandmother doesn't look after the children any more on the basis of 1 word out of place?

mathanxiety · 13/08/2016 06:22

It's not 'one word out of place'.

She played the children off against each other. The older child joined in when she heard the baby criticised, reciting other things the baby had done.

I think the conversation may well have been a stroke of luck for the OP because it gave her a glimpse of something horrible going on.

deathandtaxes123 · 13/08/2016 08:32

Is English her first language?

Ohflippinheck · 13/08/2016 08:59

'4 yo has been really good today especially as 1 yo has been quite spiteful today. She bit him once.'

You would honestly honestly stop the grandmother looking after the children for this statement?

Asuitablemum · 13/08/2016 21:40

Yes English is the first language.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.