To ban her DD?

[LauraJenson]

I have 3DD, 17, 15, 12 and a DS, 5 with ASD.

We have an above ground pool in the garden that my teens and their friends have been using on a daily basis for the past 2 weeks and even though it was cloudy today, I had teens going in and out of the garden all day.

They were using the gate, so unless I entered the kitchen or looked out of the upper level windows, I couldn't see who was there or what was going on.

We have rules in place, e.g not to use the pool until it's 11 in the morning, 3 friends max each at one time and no more etc and my DDs have rarely broken them as it would mean they just can't use it any more.

Took DS out for the day, came home absolutely exhausted this evening to have a woman I'd never seen waiting for me.

She was one of the mother's of a girl that DD3 (12 year old) had brought home.

The Mum was pretty furious as she didn't know where her DD (also 12) had been all day, did I not watch over my kids?

Surely if a strange child was in my home I should have asked if their parents knew they were here?

Their were also 2 boys in the pool (12 and 15) and she went on about how inappropriate it was for them to be swimming alone with a group of girls.

I was too shocked and too tired to really say anything back, I said I knew the boys and didn't have a problem with them, apologied as I just assumed teens would ask their parent before going to a strangers house and it wouldn't happen again as I'd keep an eye out for her DD and send her straight back if I saw her again.

She seemed surprised and her DD got really upset but I just said goodbye and went inside.

I doubt her DD will ever return but if she does would it BU to just send her home and tell DD3 not to bring her around.

I was just thinking exactly the same thing Beyond

It is delusions isn't it?

Either way I'm not surprised she has so much telephone contact with her kid's friend's parents, if she's dim enough to feed Haribo to a muslim and seemed unable to ring a chicken shop, to ask if they sold Halal.

Meanwhile, other parents are confident with their own knowledge and ability.

I'm with you OP. If the mother had phoned & checked with you that it was ok for her DD to come over, then she may have been reasonable in expecting supervision, but to be clueless as to her child's whereabouts and then blame you seems, well, pretty bloody unreasonable.

P.s have just gone back to check out the infamous Lady's posts. Well. She's quite a card, isn't she?!

Definitely delusions.

Beyond and especially rainbow - I like your style

When I read "above ground pool" I was actually imagining quite a sizeable thing - my Canadian relatives had one and it was pretty big with a diving board attached.

Anyway, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable about leaving a group of teens/pre teens unsupervised in a pool but I don't think the mother was right to have a go at you because she didn't know where herdaughter was.

I would also worry about any potential legal ramifications of something happened when you weren't there.

And who knew a pool thread would bring someone like Ladythraps out.

Perhaps she was on the sauce last night.

"Little Englanders" - hahaha.

This thread is amazing

Lady please come back. I like your trenchant posting style. Also, please confirm that you could fill a swimming pool, even one as laughably small as the OP's, with your own piss. I'm particularly interested to know if you could do it in a single sitting as it were, or whether this would be the work of several days.

Illusions of grandeur has actually creased me.....and wtf is the relevance of the sweets with gelatine in?! OP, send the DD back if she shows up and think no more about it!

Illusions/delusions...

Google says this:
An illusion is a false belief about the nature of something.
"Illusions of grandeur" are the false beliefs that someone has, about his greatness or percieved greatness in the future.
Often when musicians start a band they have illusions of grandeur. They think they will make it big and be the next Rolling Stones or Nirvana, when really they only play at church rummage sales and open mikes.
Illusions are similar to delusions, but saying "delusions" implies a level of mental madness, not just an ill-placed dream.

Above ground pool...

Large paddling pool ...

The fact that it is a large paddling pool makes the girl's mother even more unreasonable!
OP, YANBU!

OP as it's your pool if a child drowns in it and you aren't present you are responsible.

Children should not be allowed in the pool at all when you aren't around. That pool and every child in it is your responsibility so either cover the pool or lock it off somehow so that teens and pre teens can't get near it when you aren't there.

For your own protection don't allow your children to use the pool if you aren't there, and absolutely not bring in friends. if there was an accident you would be held responsible. Padlock the gate while you are out, then you have taken preventative measures.

I meant morally if not legally.

I was amused by ladys illusions of multiculturalism. Surely if you are you wouldn't feel the need to describe your child being best friends with a Muslim as an unusual situation, and if you generally moved in multicultural circles you'd already know about basic food requirements. Or in the case of a 12yr old you'd simply ask them?

Thinking that respecting other cultures in a patronising way is worthy of mention and praise is little Englander mentality. 'Ooh check me out being all pc about the one lone muslm I actually know, how great and tolerant I am' says an awful lot about how someone really thinks.

elodie..Those first pictures you posted are above-ground pools that have been decked around or sunk.

The second picture is also an above-ground pool. It is not a paddling pool.

Paddling, by definition, is done in ankle-deep water. Knee-deep at most. Paddling pools are those inflatable things for toddlers.

This is how the terminology is used in most of the world: you can believe it or not, but it is fact.

Well, this all went a bit bananas overnight didn't it? :o

elodie - it's an expression. Illusions of grandeur is wrong - it's delusions.

The size of the pool isn't really the issue, this thread has really gone off topic. The girl did show up today, about an hour ago, along with the same friend who she tagged along with yesterday.

Oversized paddling pool isn't in use today as it look like it's going to rain, but I still sent her home. She said her Mum knew she was coming and that I could phone her but I just don't want her or her DD in my home

Koala - What do I know?!
Google image search must have a glitch.

OP the size of the pool is very relevant! If it's just a large paddling pool, your DD's friend's Mum is obviously batshit.

Lynda '

I think the Mum must have been worried out of her mind as she didn't know where her DD was then directed all her rage and fear at you as you were the first in line.

There was probably a dose of guilt and embarrassment in her outburst too

I'm not excusing her, its horrible being on the receiving end of someone else's frustration but I'm trying to see it from her POV too.

I think your response to her was reasonable and lot calmer than I could have delivered under the circumstances.

Maybe in the future make sure the invited kids have parental permission.

Even if next door's kids come into our garden, I always ask them if their mum or dad knows they are here.

You're just not getting it, are you?!

The point is that a) the OP is quite correct in referring to her pool as an above-ground pool, and b) it's irrelevant, because a child could as easily drown in a below-ground pool, as an above-ground pool (or 'large paddling pool', call it whatever you want) that is the depth of the OP's pool.