Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban her DD?

210 replies

LauraJenson · 27/07/2016 21:04

I have 3DD, 17, 15, 12 and a DS, 5 with ASD.

We have an above ground pool in the garden that my teens and their friends have been using on a daily basis for the past 2 weeks and even though it was cloudy today, I had teens going in and out of the garden all day.

They were using the gate, so unless I entered the kitchen or looked out of the upper level windows, I couldn't see who was there or what was going on.

We have rules in place, e.g not to use the pool until it's 11 in the morning, 3 friends max each at one time and no more etc and my DDs have rarely broken them as it would mean they just can't use it any more.

Took DS out for the day, came home absolutely exhausted this evening to have a woman I'd never seen waiting for me.

She was one of the mother's of a girl that DD3 (12 year old) had brought home.

The Mum was pretty furious as she didn't know where her DD (also 12) had been all day, did I not watch over my kids?

Surely if a strange child was in my home I should have asked if their parents knew they were here?

Their were also 2 boys in the pool (12 and 15) and she went on about how inappropriate it was for them to be swimming alone with a group of girls.

I was too shocked and too tired to really say anything back, I said I knew the boys and didn't have a problem with them, apologied as I just assumed teens would ask their parent before going to a strangers house and it wouldn't happen again as I'd keep an eye out for her DD and send her straight back if I saw her again.

She seemed surprised and her DD got really upset but I just said goodbye and went inside.

I doubt her DD will ever return but if she does would it BU to just send her home and tell DD3 not to bring her around.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Myoption · 28/07/2016 02:02

True, I realise that there is obviously a difference between the two. But then at the same time, this is a garden pool, not a large leisure center pool that could have 100 people in it for example.

As for getting an unresponsive person out of a garden pool, a 17 year old, with a 15 year old, with more 12 year old's, and maybe even with a good next door neighbour as well, could do that easily, as even if they could get their head above the water whilst still in the pool, they are not going to be drowning. Where as in soon leisure centers there can be only 1 or maybe at most 2 life guards actually by the pool at any time.

And as for the 17 year old wanting to stay there with them, that really depends on the individual person I suppose doesn't it. I know i'd rather stay out with younger siblings/people, making sure they are ok, whilst out in the nice weather, and not sat cooped up in my room with a friend.

Myoption · 28/07/2016 02:04

Reply to Italiangreyhound, that should of been!

Italiangreyhound · 28/07/2016 02:18

myoption I realise a small garden pool is not going to as busy as a leisure centre.

But any water can be dangerous.

This has actually reminded me to talk to my kids about water safety, again,, before we go on hols. Not to assume they know the dangers.

www.rospa.com/leisure-safety/water/advice/children-young-people/water-wise-quiz/

Re "And as for the 17 year old wanting to stay there with them, that really depends on the individual person I suppose doesn't it. I know i'd rather stay out with younger siblings/people, making sure they are ok, whilst out in the nice weather, and not sat cooped up in my room with a friend."

You sound very kind an caring (are you 17?). Wink

Ladythraps · 28/07/2016 02:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mimishimmi · 28/07/2016 02:31

It's rotten for the daughter but the mum had such a hide, I'd be tempted to do the same.

ZenMom · 28/07/2016 02:33

Lady surely the above ground pool description in op was a clear giveaway to anyone taking the time to read it as to what sort of pool it was or even the subsequent picture. You seem more intent on showing how multicultural your are and assuming others are something else, not actually sure or want to think about what you are implying tbh, than actually contributing constructively. Not what op needs and typical of what I've seen in this thread by some.

Atenco · 28/07/2016 02:36

I did say above ground
I know I read it in the OP and at no point did I think it was the type of pool that constitutes a serious risk of drowning.

Having nearly drowned myself in a school pool when I was thirteen, I don't take these things lightly, but people are being OTT about a very minimal risk in this case.

LauraJenson · 28/07/2016 02:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ZenMom · 28/07/2016 02:39

Or there is LauraJensens way to reply to that lol much better Football

Original poster
LauraJenson · 28/07/2016 02:41

Tried to be friendly and calm ZenMom but some of these replies are just streams of critism and it's annoying that a small minority are going off without bothering to read my original post properly or go through the thread

OP posts:
ZenMom · 28/07/2016 02:46

I actually don't get it. I'm relatively new to here but so far every post I've seen there's always a few jumping on and either going off topic or being hateful / hurtful.

Anyway, I don't think you've done anything wrong here at all, my 12yo could be trusted and it's essentially a big paddling pool and the mothers a mindless idiot IMHO to blame you for her own failings. I don't think I'd have been as calm as you.

Ladythraps · 28/07/2016 02:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ZenMom · 28/07/2016 02:55

Lady I'm tempted to tell you to piss off but that would be resorting to your level. I'll settle for asking very nicely for you to get a fucking life.

Italiangreyhound · 28/07/2016 02:57

I have read the whole thread, if my addled brain remembers well. I don't think anyone has illusions of grandeur at all.It is an above ground pool and it was pretty clear from the OP's post, although above ground pools can vary. This is the kind (I think) popular in France. I've been in one. You can swim in it, you could drown in it, it is not a paddling pool.

Size is relative, you could call a pond a large puddle or a pool a large pond.

I think many posters have not tried to be mean, everyone has agreed about the run in with the other mum, but many have expressed concern that young people are left unattended in the above ground pool.

LauraJenson please do not be offended by posters expressing concerns. We do not now you or the children who will use the pool but I do feel you need a re-think on safety for the use of the pool.

All the best, off to bed now.

Italiangreyhound · 28/07/2016 02:58

Know not now!

KoalaDownUnder · 28/07/2016 03:00

No, Ladythraps: 'above ground swimming pool' is exactly what those pools are called.

Don't blame the OP for your ignorance.

You're embarrassing yourself.

HedgehogHedgehog · 28/07/2016 03:10

YANBU at 12 years old its fair to assume if that child is in your house they have asked their parents. Teenagers are more than capable of understanding that they need to do this and its their own parents who are responsible to make sure they are doing it not other peoples. Ridiculous to think anyone has the time to ring round making sure all the teenagers have permission to be there during the day. The issue is between that child and her mother it has nothing to do with you. I think if she turns up again though and you spot her you ought to send her home yes because its not worth the hassle. Also the comment about boys in the pool was both loops and insulting.

LauraJenson · 28/07/2016 03:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/07/2016 03:23

"To describe a large paddling pool as an 'above ground swimming pool' is illusions of grandeur of the highest order!"

No it isn't. That's what they are. Many people have them, and that is what they are called. Your comment just shows ignorance and trying to put someone down. Perhaps you feel envious, perhaps not - either way, you are wrong.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/07/2016 03:25

Sorry, LauraJ - should have answered your post! No YWNBU to send the child home if she ever turns up again, because a) that's what you told her mother you'd do and b) if she CBA to tell her mother where she's gone, then she's not a very responsible child and you should probably not have her in your pool.
PLUS if her mother is the type to kick off at YOU for her child's omissions, who knows what else she might start to suggest - and with BOYS there, it could go all sorts of wrong.

So send her home if she turns up again.

Ladythraps · 28/07/2016 03:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/07/2016 03:35

Don't give a damn about your living situation, only that you're displaying huge ignorance and being immensely rude. There is no shame attached to the OP for describing her pool as she did, since that IS what it is.

Perhaps you should try to enlarge your mind rather than being so rude.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/07/2016 03:36

They have filters.

You seem a little...bitter.

Italiangreyhound · 28/07/2016 03:36

LauraJenson I am glad you are not taking offence.

Must go to bed now. Please do read up on drowning, it is much easier to drown than people think.

This girl drowned in a pool where there was a life guard.

www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/14-Year-Old-Drowns-in-Apartment-Pool-263225791.html

This might be useful...

home.howstuffworks.com/home-improvement/household-safety/tips/a-guide-to-home-safety5.htm

Yes, I know this is a much bigger pool than yours. Size is not everything!

I am not just posting these links for you OP, I hope any others who are reading will find them useful. It is from the USA and if anyone has similar info from UK I would be happy to be pmed?

I really, sincerely hope we will all have a safe summer.

Really, must go to bed! Night night Grin

Ladythraps · 28/07/2016 03:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.