To ban her DD?

[LauraJenson]

I have 3DD, 17, 15, 12 and a DS, 5 with ASD.

We have an above ground pool in the garden that my teens and their friends have been using on a daily basis for the past 2 weeks and even though it was cloudy today, I had teens going in and out of the garden all day.

They were using the gate, so unless I entered the kitchen or looked out of the upper level windows, I couldn't see who was there or what was going on.

We have rules in place, e.g not to use the pool until it's 11 in the morning, 3 friends max each at one time and no more etc and my DDs have rarely broken them as it would mean they just can't use it any more.

Took DS out for the day, came home absolutely exhausted this evening to have a woman I'd never seen waiting for me.

She was one of the mother's of a girl that DD3 (12 year old) had brought home.

The Mum was pretty furious as she didn't know where her DD (also 12) had been all day, did I not watch over my kids?

Surely if a strange child was in my home I should have asked if their parents knew they were here?

Their were also 2 boys in the pool (12 and 15) and she went on about how inappropriate it was for them to be swimming alone with a group of girls.

I was too shocked and too tired to really say anything back, I said I knew the boys and didn't have a problem with them, apologied as I just assumed teens would ask their parent before going to a strangers house and it wouldn't happen again as I'd keep an eye out for her DD and send her straight back if I saw her again.

She seemed surprised and her DD got really upset but I just said goodbye and went inside.

I doubt her DD will ever return but if she does would it BU to just send her home and tell DD3 not to bring her around.

lady your comments are really unhelpful and offensive on a serious thread. Mumsnet is here for support not banal insult throwing.

OK, lady but your comments aren't helping, anyone.

Hilarious. Better tell all the Aussies who have above-ground pools how TOWIE they are then, eh? They'd laugh in your face.

Oh my.

And there it is. You've outed yourself as being an ignorant snob of the worst kind now. Well done.

Ooh, anger management issues!

You poor thing.

There are several problems.

If a child of 12 came to play in my garden, I would say 'do you parents know where you are?'

You weren't there to do this. If her Dd doesn't let her know where she is, that's her issue and she needs to calm down and look closer to home for the problem.

On the pool issue, I would not have children who I not know playing in it when I wasn't there. That would be a rule for my children. No friends who haven't been before and whose parents aren't aware the pool is unsupervised.

If I don't know the children and haven't spoken to the parents I can't assume anything about them.

So I am glad you will consider this.

ladythraps I hope you're in a better mood today; you were unnecessarily spiteful last night.
OP you described your pool correctly and I think most people IRL would have known exactly what you meant.
And YANBU. Your house, your rules.

The Mum was pretty furious as she didn't know where her DD (also 12) had been all day, did I not watch over my kids?

You should have asked her to repeat that statement 😁 Over & again until the penny dropped. Stupid cow.

As for the utter shite posted about your 'paddling pool' 😂 Some people really do show themselves up don't they 😁

Anyway, I wouldn't change any of your rules. Child here is 10, almost 11. I'd be perfectly happy with your rules as they are. Don't let this one stupid woman spoil it for your 12 yo.

I also wouldn't say the other girl isn't allowed, but I'd say it has to be an arranged visit (arranged with her mother) it's not really her fault her mother is as mad as a box of frogs.

Lady you sound ridiculous.

What an unintentionally hilarious thread,OP I think you're fine with your arrangements , even though you say you're re-thinking some rules

OP getting grief over 'illusions of grandeur' because of her pool, why do some posters pick on details not actually relevant to the point of the thread?

There's no cure for being a twat I suppose.

Ladythraps is the other mum.....Guess she's pissed because she can't "lose" her DD for the day, now you have banned her

YABU...dont you know her dd could end up pregnant if she shares pool water with BOYS

Personally I wouldnt leave teens unsupervised using the pool (ie going out while theyre using it, I wouldnt be watching but Id be checking in and available for if accidents happened).

However it isnt your fault her dd didnt tell her where she was! Id probably ban her to avoid a repeat

OP,

I'm glad you are planning to change your rules even if you don't consider there is any safety issue with what you are/were doing. The end result it same. I know there were some weirdo's on the thread but there were loads of normal posters saying they thought it was irresponsible.

I'm at the crazy poster. I wonder if that was drink fuelled or just trolling.

goddessoftheharvest .
Ladythraps, Why so rude? The OP clearly stated what type of pool it was .
OP I do think the mother's anger related to her daughter actions and as such would discourage your DD from inviting her again as she (the mother) sounds like she has the potential to be a huge pita.

'm a it shocked that you didn't have your 12 yr old with you on your day out tbh. Who was looking after her all day?

Bloody hell. No wonder we're raising a generation of kids who can't do a thing for themselves.

OP, I think you're fine and utterly reasonable.

Lady, I think you mean delusions of grandeur. Illusions is something else entirely. Hth :)

I love it when horrible people try to say something clever and get it wrong

OP I do not think you have done anything wrong. There have been some really nasty posts on this thread from one person. I don't think they quite understood what an above ground pool is even though it is common knowledge and a quick google would have shown them plenty of pictures to help them understand what it looks like.

Came on here this morning to see if the thread had got any better to find Lady (what a mis-named person she is!) going off on one about the size of the pool. Hilarious! (and jealous I bet).

I still stand by my points that this is not the ops fault, that the mother needs to get her child to give her info on where she's going and perhaps communicate with her own child better. The ops dc clearly have listened to their mum and have stuck to the rules laid down. At least the op knows where her children are.

illusions of grandeur class!!!