Driving with children after a pint

[Mrbluethecatt]

I was away with my friend at her DBro/SIL's for the weekend in England. We came in friends car and I have a broken foot so can't currently drive. my friends 2Dcs were also with us.

We all 4 adults and 2 DDs were due to go to a sports event yesterday however the SIL was unwell with bad morning sickness so couldn't make it. Friends DBro wanted to take the kids and asked my friend to stay with SIL. I was to go with the DDs to help with going to the toilet etc.

When we got there friends DBro went to the refreshments bit and bought drinks including a pint of beer for himself. I wasnt happy with this as Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable and even 1 pint would put you over the limit.

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasn't comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs. He got very annoyed with me and took a large drink and pretty much downed the pint in one.

I called my friend and told her and said I would pay for a taxi for me and the kids home after the event finished. The event only lasted an hour.

Friends DBro was angry at me for refusing to let him take the kids home and for me calling my friend. The DCS and me got a taxi home.

My friend had words with her DBro about expecting she would be ok for him to drive the DCs after drinking. After we got home last night friends SIL called me to tell me that I was out of order and was never allowed in her home again. I considered sil as a friend as we went to Uni together. She has told a few others what happened as I have had a few texts saying I should apologise to friends DBro. I dont think I should.

Aibu? Should I apologise?

I think he's being an incredibly good sport. There are so many aggravating factors to this lunatic scenario, I think he'd be very reasonable to stand his ground.

It's up to you who you get in a car with (with or without DC's) so from that point of view YANBU at all.

However it was ONE pint of beer and you really need to get a grip. I will drive on one pint quite happily, if it's really weak (like 3.5%) and I've not got to drive for an hour or two then I'll maybe have one and a half.

That said you have to be aware of other factors like have you eaten recently, is it very hot, are you feeling a bit under the weather.. obviously in these sorts of situations I'll not drink at all because of the increased effect.
Assuming that he was well, had eaten normally that day etc then I think you're being ridiculous. MIL does this too, the IL's were round the other weekend and she wouldn't let poor FIL have even a half because he had to drive them home 3 HOURS later...
She tries it with me but I tell her quite bluntly not to be so ridiculous.

YABU

They have been very gracious.

YANBU. I think you have been very gracious.

YANBU. There is never any excuse for drinking and driving. You have a drink at a social event, you get a taxi or the bus or the train home. I can't understand how so many people think that having a drink and then getting behind the wheel is okay.

We're all affected differently by alcohol, and how we're affected changes depending on the day we've had. There are days when I could have many glasses of wine and be fine, but when I'm tired and haven't had time to eat, one glass of wine after work has me pissed. My DP rarely drinks. He's 6' 2'', muscular and broad. The last time we went out, he hadn't had a drink in over a year, and was drunk on one pint. Because he almost never drinks.

My Mum's brother died because of a gobeshite who thought it was okay to have a drink and then drive. Sorry, but there's never any reason to do it. I support no limit - any drinking at all should mean that you can't drive.

Haven't read the whole thread - skimmed bits here and there - but totally not unreasonable for making alternative arrangements to get home if the person supposed to be driving you has had a pint of beer. Regardless of the legal aspect of driving after 1-2 units, of whether he was over the limit or not - studies show that after a small amount of alcohol your reaction times, judgement of speed and distance perception are all impaired.

For all those who think it's OK to drive as long as you're below the limit - I could have a large glass of wine and still be below the legal limit for driving a car (in terms of breath and blood alcohol levels). Would you still be happy for me to be called in to insert an epidural into your back for labour pain relief? If the answer is no - then why is it not OK for me to perform a procedure after 1-2 units but it is OK for me to be in charge of a large chunk of speeding metal?

(NB - just to make it clear, I never drink alcohol on days when I am on call, even if the call shift starts several hours after a lunch out).

YANBU, I am for zero alcohol when driving, never mind with kids in the car.
SiL is being a weirdo.
Well done for getting the can, I would've done the same.

OP, I'm glad there has been an outcome you are happy with. But I don't think ywbu either.

One pint could easily have become 2 in an hour had you not spoken up - and for all anyone else inc his wife and sister knows - he may well have had another one after downing the first. It is an assumption but given the situation at the time - being in charge of someone else's dc, unable to drive yourself - but it's not a risk I would have taken.

My understanding is 1 pint of low strength alcohol is 2 units, which with not mitigating factors such as eating with it or being particularly large built would put a person just over the drink drive limit.

For everyone saying there are 101 other reasons for being unsafe to drive - tiredness, distraction etc, why add to that risk by drinking as well?

The bil may be tired from looking after a pregnant wife, he might have been distracted by the kids or op in the car. Added with even a slight impaired ability through alcohol...

And for facts and figures please check the nhs links here.

amount of units per drink
legal limits in UK

I'm glad they've calmed down. Well done for apologising. Even though I don't think you were in the wrong, it was clearly a very awkward situation. It's all very well for people to say "DBro was in charge" - but if something had happened I'm sure you would have felt responsible, and like you should have stepped in. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

FWIW if a friend was out with my DD and my BIL and my BIL was proposing to down a pint without a meal and then drive her somewhere an hour later then I would be very grateful to my friend for calling me, however awkward it made things with my BIL... Clearly from this thread it's something that people have very different views on so it's a hard one to navigate.

Hope you are OK and not too bruised by the whole thing.

I wouldn't drink after having 2 units of alcohol for a few hours but my DH would and its not a big deal. If it was a big deal it would be illegal.

So I think its just personal preference, woman tend to be more affected by alcohol, men not so much.

Haven't read the full thread, but I think this is an interesting illustration of how quickly attitudes can change due to legislation. I'm also in Scotland, so it would be illegal to drive after a pint, and I don't know anyone who would consider it. I'm surprised at how many of you think it would be ok.

It seems similar to when I visited England after the smoking ban was introduced in Scotland, but before it was introduced in England. I was completely disgusted by the number of people smoking in restaurants. I bet most people would agree now, but at the time it was considered pretty normal.

Not unreasonable at all. I wouldn't have apologised to the stupid twat. You don't drink and drive. Ever.

You both sound as if you're a bit pig headed and unreasonable.

You would have wound me up with our attitude too - hopefully not to the point where I'd downed a glass of wine but I might have imagined doing so...

Your language about "admit" that intended to drink etc and around your social circles etc is all a bit pious. I'd probably have wanted a drink to cope with you too.

DH and I probably never go out intending to drink when we are driving but if we are at an event and there is a bar and we fancy one drink then I would not think anything of it. I just would not invite you again in future.

You might have kissed and made up for now - but I'd be surprised if things are ever quite so relaxed and friendly between you all again.

Wow he's a nice guy to have forgiven your shenanigans op. A very nice guy.

French it's ok because it's not against the law in England. The op was in England when the 'dreadful crime' was committed not Scotland.

I await with interest the threads on here if/when English law catches up with Scottish law on this matter, as it did with the smoking ban and plastic bags and the poll tax

You gave him your point of view, you rang your friend to check, he disagreed and drank his beer, you took a taxi home with the children, whether it was against the law is irrelevant, you chose not to be driven by someone who had been drinking alcohol, your choice. It is not a case of judging his behaviour, other posters may say they would drink and drive that is their choice. Not being pressured by others into doing something you are not happy with, is not being pious it is sensible.

I know it's irrelevant but am I the only one that finds this odd

I can have a malibu with a meal

YANBU. I agree with the drink driving limit in Scotland being reduced from 80mg to 50mg and would support it being dropped even lower. I think the UK (excluding Scotland) is one of only 2 European countries which still have the high 80mg limit.

The limit is red herring anyway, if supporters of the 80mg limit were in a country with an even higher or no limit would they accept a lift from someone who has been drinking but still legal for that country? I think not.

Well done for doing the right thing and you you handled it calmly and rationally, whereas your friends Dbro and his DW were complete twunts.

I dismay at comments such as I'm in the camp of one pint is fine, DH will drive our DC on a pint - but he probably wouldn't if he was responsible for other people's kids. Why? Is it because, although you accept its a risk, its okay to put your own kids at risk but not others?