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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving with children after a pint

220 replies

Mrbluethecatt · 25/07/2016 13:26

I was away with my friend at her DBro/SIL's for the weekend in England. We came in friends car and I have a broken foot so can't currently drive. my friends 2Dcs were also with us.

We all 4 adults and 2 DDs were due to go to a sports event yesterday however the SIL was unwell with bad morning sickness so couldn't make it. Friends DBro wanted to take the kids and asked my friend to stay with SIL. I was to go with the DDs to help with going to the toilet etc.

When we got there friends DBro went to the refreshments bit and bought drinks including a pint of beer for himself. I wasnt happy with this as Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable and even 1 pint would put you over the limit.

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasn't comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs. He got very annoyed with me and took a large drink and pretty much downed the pint in one.

I called my friend and told her and said I would pay for a taxi for me and the kids home after the event finished. The event only lasted an hour.

Friends DBro was angry at me for refusing to let him take the kids home and for me calling my friend. The DCS and me got a taxi home.

My friend had words with her DBro about expecting she would be ok for him to drive the DCs after drinking. After we got home last night friends SIL called me to tell me that I was out of order and was never allowed in her home again. I considered sil as a friend as we went to Uni together. She has told a few others what happened as I have had a few texts saying I should apologise to friends DBro. I dont think I should.

Aibu? Should I apologise?

OP posts:
WitteryTwittery · 25/07/2016 14:21

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Dadstheworld · 25/07/2016 14:21

Also as much as your anecdotes suggests its socially unacceptable.

These figures don't agree

www.fleetnews.co.uk/news/company-car-tax-and-legislation/2016/01/27/drink-driving-figures-rise-in-scotland-over-christmas

PrivatePike · 25/07/2016 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivatePike · 25/07/2016 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenLindley · 25/07/2016 14:23

She first asked him not to drink, then arranged for a taxi.

Nope

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasnt comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs

She said she was uncomfortable with it. She didnt ask him not to drink.

Let's also bear in mind that these are HIS relative's children, not hers.

What difference does that make? They were her friend's children who presumable she cares about more than he does

BarbaraofSeville · 25/07/2016 14:23

I find it very hard to believe that anyone (unless they have a medical condition or are not used to drinking) will be significantly impaired after one pint.

And it's something that is very hard to measure statistically as it would be necessary to correctly account for whether someone was watching the road, fiddling with their phone, distracted by other occupants and a whole lot of other factors. There are probably statistics available that suggest that someone driving with young children is equally likely to have an accident than someone who has consumed alcohol but is under the drink drive limit due to distractions.

Under English Law, he was very unlikely to have been over the limit so your reaction seems a bit extreme OP. Yesterday was a hot day, so perhaps he just fancied a refreshing drink - many people don't drink pop - to many a pint of beer is just a drink - there is no 'need' for alcohol, just a drink that they like.

Gothgirl78 · 25/07/2016 14:24

I'm sorry but one pint isn't illegal or going to affect a man'sdriving ability. Way over the top in my opinion?

JenLindley · 25/07/2016 14:25

And it's something that is very hard to measure statistically

Dont they do impairment testing for alcohol?

WhatWouldHillaryDo · 25/07/2016 14:25

So, I completely agree with the OP. I would prefer that zero alcohol is consumed before driving my children anywhere. I personally don't drink a drop if I know I'm going to be driving even though legally I could. You asked and he refused - somewhat childishly - so, as you can't control how other people behave, you did what you felt was best in the situation. I probably would have done the same. If someone then decides your polite request and taking control of the situation offends them, that's their problem. I find it extraordinary how people get so emotional about alcohol. All he was being asked was not to drink until after he'd driven everyone back, not to give up alcohol for life. His maturity level is quite low. As for SIL, she sounds like she has anger issues to react so strongly to the situation. Best for you and your family to have little or nothing to do with a man-child and his emotionally incontinent wife.

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 14:26

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BarbaraofSeville · 25/07/2016 14:27

Where I am, private hire taxis have a terrible reputation for all sorts of driving offences - unsafe cars, unlicenced and uninsured drivers, poor driving ability, long hours. Getting in a taxi is rarely the safer option.

whois · 25/07/2016 14:28

I think generally one pint of beer wouldn't put you over the limit; so your reaction was a little excessive....he was also very immature though for downing the pint and the way he behaved

^This

He reacted like a dick, but you were a bit over the top. Most people would be ok to drive after 1 pint, and hour later.

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 14:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 25/07/2016 14:28

At the roadside Jen? They just test whether you're over or not.

Research wise, yes lots of testing is done on alcohol and impairment and this is what informs the drink drive limit. But it's not something you can apply to yourself as the DD is a blood alcohol level so there is no real way to translate it into units or drinks.

AppleSetsSail · 25/07/2016 14:30

You were unreasonable, and I'm not surprised he reacted badly.

JenLindley · 25/07/2016 14:30

Research wise, yes lots of testing is done on alcohol and impairment and this is what informs the drink drive limit. But it's not something you can apply to yourself as the DD is a blood alcohol level so there is no real way to translate it into units or drinks

Yes it was research wise I meant. I know i've seen it done on tv programmes and I assumed it was ongoing research but wasnt sure at all. Thanks for clarifying.

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 25/07/2016 14:33

Yes he should have asked or mentioned it, yes he behaved like a twat by downing his pint, but you are being a little OTT and SIL is very much OTT, but as pointed out we're not sure what was said to her.

Im surprised 7 and 8 YO need someone standing outside the toilet though. My 8YO just goes and comes back to where we are if we are out and about. Then again we all parent differently and if that makes the parents comfortable then so be it.

Maybe friend wasn't overly bothered by one pint, but having someone tell you that is wrong and he shouldnt be drinking then she only has to agree to keep up the socially correctness (as I would have done)

AppleSetsSail · 25/07/2016 14:39

You subjected a man after a pint of beer + 1 hour to the humiliation of re-arranging transport plans while a guest in his home over the weekend. I can't even imagine how awkward that was for everyone involved.

Redlocks28 · 25/07/2016 14:41

Did he down a whole pint in one go-from full to empty to spite you?

Or had he drunk most of it and then when you spoke to him, downed what was left?

Just to get the full picture!!

I wouldn't think anything of my DH having one pint and then driving-I have to say.

Sallystyle · 25/07/2016 14:41

My dh could drink a pint and be absolutely fine to drive. He is huge though.

I can have a malibu with a meal and be fine but could never drive after a glass of wine.

However, you weren't comfortable with it and that is fine, he shouldn't have got angry with you.

Runningupthathill82 · 25/07/2016 14:41

I think you were unreasonable and OTT.

rollonthesummer · 25/07/2016 14:43

Were you guests in their home for the whole weekend?!

What does your friend think about it all?

LightTripper · 25/07/2016 14:44

I think what you did was fine. You let him know that if he drank you wouldn't feel safe to have him drive your DC, but that you would get a taxi instead. He decided to drink (which is also fine: he was probably under the limit and took the view that he was safe to drive you and your DC). You did as you said and got a taxi.

Assuming you didn't make a big deal of it or slag him off to anybody then all that happened was you made a decision about the safety of your DC that was different to somebody else's decision about the safety of your DC. I don't see why theirs should take priority.

If you made a big deal out of it that would have been a little bit rude, but still not enough to justify a "never darken my door" reaction.

It's sad but if he thinks downing a pint and then refusing to have you in the house again is a reasonable reaction to your safety concerns then some similar problem would have come up at some point in the future, I'm sure, even if you had somehow avoided this one.

scaryteacher · 25/07/2016 14:44

YANBU. If we are going anywhere where there might be alcohol, we pick who is going to drink and who will drive. We don't know how strong the beer was, had he eaten before he drank it etc - safer not to drink and drive.

I am 50, and not drinking and driving was drummed in from when I passed my test in 1988!

Lynnm63 · 25/07/2016 14:45

I think YABU. Firstly, one pint wouldn't put him over the limit especially as you were going to be at the venue for another hour. Secondly, they weren't even your kids so not really your place to lecture him. If you'd said you didn't want to get in the car with him at least you'd have been honest. However, him downing the pint in one was a bit childish so I guess you were both unreasonable.
The decision you have to make now is this worth losing a friend over? If yes do nothing, if no you may have to apologise.