Driving with children after a pint

[Mrbluethecatt]

I was away with my friend at her DBro/SIL's for the weekend in England. We came in friends car and I have a broken foot so can't currently drive. my friends 2Dcs were also with us.

We all 4 adults and 2 DDs were due to go to a sports event yesterday however the SIL was unwell with bad morning sickness so couldn't make it. Friends DBro wanted to take the kids and asked my friend to stay with SIL. I was to go with the DDs to help with going to the toilet etc.

When we got there friends DBro went to the refreshments bit and bought drinks including a pint of beer for himself. I wasnt happy with this as Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable and even 1 pint would put you over the limit.

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasn't comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs. He got very annoyed with me and took a large drink and pretty much downed the pint in one.

I called my friend and told her and said I would pay for a taxi for me and the kids home after the event finished. The event only lasted an hour.

Friends DBro was angry at me for refusing to let him take the kids home and for me calling my friend. The DCS and me got a taxi home.

My friend had words with her DBro about expecting she would be ok for him to drive the DCs after drinking. After we got home last night friends SIL called me to tell me that I was out of order and was never allowed in her home again. I considered sil as a friend as we went to Uni together. She has told a few others what happened as I have had a few texts saying I should apologise to friends DBro. I dont think I should.

Aibu? Should I apologise?

I fucking googled it for anyone who is interested.

I have only skimmed it as yet, but so far "A majority of studies reported impairment by a BAC of 0.08% or less." How much the impairment might have been influenced by other factors I can't say as I haven't read that far yet.

However in their final remarks (p115) "In experiments, impairment
generally occurs at rather low BACs, whereas in reality an accident occurs rarely and rather at high BACs. It is clear that experiments are designed to find an effect and that significant results are reported rather than non-significant."

No doubt there are many other studies that say different.

I personally would not drink anything before driving. But that may have more to do with "I couldn't live with myself" than a probability that the tiny amounts I ever drink would actually impair me to the point of having an accident.

I might have just one, then do a lap of the M25 in your honour

Good luck with the lap of the M25...You would be totally sober before you got half way

There also seems to be a concern in a number of the posts that a woman doesn't have the right to tell a man whether he can drink or not. Which I find completely hysterical. That it's humiliating to him to be asked to consider the safety of his passengers.

The sexes are irrelevant. He orders a drink because he sees nothing wrong with doing so. There is really no way to tell him that you won't be driven by him that isn't insulting, as you're implying that either his judgement or morals are defective. The fact that you are right (by your standards) is not going to reduce the sting of being judged he experiences.

JessieMcJessie I don't it's clear who suggested the taxi, and even if it was the mum it would have been based on 2nd hand information

No one seems bothered about the people who might be on the other end of any.possible collision, regardless of his passengers.

Alcohol impairs judgement. If you can't have a booze free outing, call a taxi. There are others on the road.

JessieMcJessie I don't it's clear who suggested the taxi, and even if it was the mum it would have been based on 2nd hand information

Yes, the OP probably said something like: I didn't realise that your brother would be drinking today, but he has. Should I arrange for taxi, or are you happy to let him drive your children home whilst drunk?

OP-is the SIL still speaking to your friend or is it just you she won't allow in the house any more?

The thing is having one pint is incredibly unlikely to impair an adult male's ability to drive.
No more than having squabbling kids in the back of the car, or driving when you're a little bit weary or have the start of a headache, or maybe playing music and listening to the news/weather on the radio, smoking a cigarette with one hand, etc. All those are likely to impact to various amounts too, some more than others - many way more than someone who has had one normal pint of beer, and driven an hour later.

Having a really strong pint or drinking more and driving immediately, then you're more likely to be over the limit and shouldn't drive at all.

The point is this man was not doing anything illegal. He was not over the drink drive limits for the place he was in. The OP did judge him and he most likely felt defensive and embarrassed by her negative judging. As a grown man he should be allowed to make his own legal judgement. It's nothing to do with a woman telling a man what to do. It's about one adult telling another adult what to do. If it was something illegal he was going to do then it would be a different matter entirely.

Let's face it the only safe way to drive is to be in the safest car manufactured, on your own after 10 hours decent sleep, with no radio etc and with no other cars in a straight road. Add any other factor and your driving will be impaired.

OP - you haven't answered if the taxi came complete with two high backed boosters for DC of that age. If they weren't in car seats weren't you just swopping one risk factor for another?

FFS some mumsneters are hysterical about alcohol. I have read posts where people don't drink at home incase they need to rush s perfectly well child to hospital at any given time.

He had a pint, just a pint. Unless he's abnormal no average bloke would he over the limit on one pint! Not in England under our laws.

honesly I have never met people so hysterical in real life.

and my dd was very badly hurt in a car accident though no drink was involved.

Risks have to be based against commen sense and real life. One pint is absolutely fine.

I'm dds case the driver fell asleep at the wheel and killed one passenger and seriously injured many others.

Think about it how many posters here with kids can seriously say hand on heart they have been so tired sometimes they weren't fit to drive. I know I can.

One pint compared to endless sleepless nights which is the norm amongst parents doesn't compare.

One pint?

Personally I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. We've been out for lunch many, many times and dh has had a pint and then driven home...with dc and me.

I think you were over the top.

I would have done the same, there is no safe assured limits for drinking and driving - www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol-facts/alcohol-and-the-law/drink-driving-and-the-legal-alcohol-limit/

YADNBU good for you !

YABU.

I took the boosters from the car and used them in the taxi as agreed with my friend.

I spoke to my friends SIL and friend's DBro.

I explained that I was surprised that he decided to have a drink while driving and especially due to drive someones else's children. I told her I was wrong to say anything once we arrived at the event. I should have spoken up beforehand just like I usually do at home when arranging going out. I should not have presumed. I only acted out of love and concern for the DCs and for myself. I could have gone about it in a better way.

After speaking to my friend's DBro I apologised to him. He had told his DW that I inferred he was a bad parent and would be when their DC is born. That was not my intention. I admitted I overstepped. We agreed it wasn't my place to call my friend. He also (following speaking to his sister) realises that he should have spoken to her about having a drink whilst driving the DCs.

We agreed to disagree on the topic of alcohol and driving and ended the call in a good way. He won't offer to give me a lift if there is any chance of him drinking. I am no longer banned from their home and I will be going to the christening following the baby arriving later in the year.

Lesson learned.

Think you're lucky op. I don't know if i would have been so forgiving.
Sounds like he was very offended.
They were not your kids, friends dbro was in charge.
If you didn't want to get in the car that's fair enough, but i don't
Think it was your place to say anything about the kids.
Having one drink is not going to put most men over the limit, or impair them.
Having one drink And driving does not make a parent bad ( or mean they have a drinking problem).
He did nothing wrong.
I'm saying this as a nondrinker.

I would not have so readily forgiven your meddling and insulting inferences. I never drink & drive but forcing your zero tolerance attitude on others who are doing something completely commonplace is wrong.

He's a twat. I wouldn't have got in his car either.