Driving with children after a pint

[Mrbluethecatt]

I was away with my friend at her DBro/SIL's for the weekend in England. We came in friends car and I have a broken foot so can't currently drive. my friends 2Dcs were also with us.

We all 4 adults and 2 DDs were due to go to a sports event yesterday however the SIL was unwell with bad morning sickness so couldn't make it. Friends DBro wanted to take the kids and asked my friend to stay with SIL. I was to go with the DDs to help with going to the toilet etc.

When we got there friends DBro went to the refreshments bit and bought drinks including a pint of beer for himself. I wasnt happy with this as Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable and even 1 pint would put you over the limit.

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasn't comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs. He got very annoyed with me and took a large drink and pretty much downed the pint in one.

I called my friend and told her and said I would pay for a taxi for me and the kids home after the event finished. The event only lasted an hour.

Friends DBro was angry at me for refusing to let him take the kids home and for me calling my friend. The DCS and me got a taxi home.

My friend had words with her DBro about expecting she would be ok for him to drive the DCs after drinking. After we got home last night friends SIL called me to tell me that I was out of order and was never allowed in her home again. I considered sil as a friend as we went to Uni together. She has told a few others what happened as I have had a few texts saying I should apologise to friends DBro. I dont think I should.

Aibu? Should I apologise?

YANBU

There is not a "blanket ban" in Scotland as pp said, there is a reduced limit compared to rest of UK. This is fairly new. I used to have a half pint at the start of the night if I was staying out all night and then drive home, no problem. I wouldn't have had any drink if it had been only an hour before I was driving. I feel the benefits of even a half, so can easily see how a pint impairs driving. If it has no affect at all, why not drink alcohol free beer?
Now I never drink when driving, and everyone I know is now the same - actually a lot easier than trying to calculate how much of a glass of wine would put you near the limit.

Average pint is 2 units or just ovrr which I think does put you over the limit. I have always known it to be that one unit is safe. I have drunk a pint with a meal over about 1/2 hours and driven but only because I know the body filters a unit an hour which would have made me legal. Regardless of the legalities, if you feel tipsy after one unit you still shouldn't drive.

His reaction and hers says it all. I dint understand why you needed to go so that the dds could go to the toilet? Is he not their dad or family?

Am I right in thinking that none of the children were his? He sounds like he reacted immaturely but if he was within the law then he probably hadn't thought it would be an issue.

(Oh and re Scotland, I am laughing at your smug "socially unacceptable" comment- first, it is just as socially unacceptable in England and has it not occurred to you that Scotland had to impose a lower limit because drink driving by people who were crap at understanding how much would put them over the limit was so rife there? I am Scottish by the way and probably lucky not to have died in a car crash during my childhood, such was the ubiquity of drinking and driving).

Ive had a pint then drove home . It was ONE pint. I'd be pretty pissed off too
I'm an adult

It was nothin to do with him being an adult and allowed to drink. OP wasnt telling him he couldnt drink, she was just telling him she was making other arrangements to get herself and her children home. It was no skin off his nose was it as he had his pint and drove his car home. It made no difference to his plans other than he didnt have to chat on the way home.

I don't think he would have been within legal limits on scotland, would he? It's a third lower than in England now. One pint could put you over the limit.

Another vote for YANBU. They are your friends' kids, and a lot of people are uncomfortable with any level of drinking before driving, so it was right for you to call her, let her know what was happening and give her the option of you/kids taking a taxi. Presumably if she had felt strongly she would have said "no no, if it's only 1 pint it's fine for him to drive them".

I wouldn't apologise.

Because the response so split, I thought I'd chip in too.

I'm in the camp of one pint is fine, DH will drive our DC on a pint - but he probably wouldn't if he was responsible for other people's kids. He certainly wouldn't down a pint if the parent of the DC he was driving asked him not to. That makes him a dick IMO, and ditto anyone else who is making you feel bad.

YOU weren't comfortable with the situation for YOUR kids so you made alternative arrangements. No one can call you unreasonable for doing that even if they disagree with the fundamental principle (that being the driving on one pint thing).

I'd not be too bothered about not being invited back, I wouldn't be going anyway.

The simple fact is, you are more likely to cause an accident if you drink a pint of beer and drive, than you are if you don't drink. All the road safety campaigns push a zero tolerance attitude to drinking and driving. This guy is clearly a prick, given his reaction to what is actually a really reasonable request. I couldn't care less if it was legal for him to do it or not. It puts the passengers at risk and he should be adult enough to realise that not everyone wants to be forced to accept that risk.

If wanting to keep my child safe in a car means I have "very extreme attitudes to alcohol" then so be it. I'm just amazed so many have such lax attitudes when it comes to assessing risk.

I don't agree with drink driving on any level. As a doctor I have seen the aftermath of drink/drug driving and agree that the limit should be reduced.

My thinking was that as I don't get into the car with someone who has been drinking why would I expect my friend to be ok with her children being in the car. If she had said no I'm happy for them to be driven home I would have got a taxi for myself. She wasn't happy with the children being in the car.

I would of thought if my friends DBro intended to drink it would be comon sense for him to at least ask the parent if they were ok with the children being in the car.

Look his reaction was childish but to be fair I think your objection was also extreme.
Sounds like you are in good company though as I am surprised how many have already posted that they have zero tolerance for a drink below the limit.
Most of my social group would not bat an eyelid to a pint of beer or small wine, any more then yes but 1 drink is acceptable for us.
There are times when I feel that 1 drink would affect me - sleep deprived with a newborn and so I wouldn't have one then but I am an adult and can make those judgements. I am comfortable with my adult friends and family making their own judgements as to whether they feel safe to drive after one drink.

You aren't being unreasonable. It isn't illegal to drive after having a pint in England, however, he ABSOLUTELY should have checked with you before assuming. Even 20mg alcohol can cause major reductions in reaction times and the ability to maintain a safe speed - If he wants to endanger himself, fair enough, but your children? NO.

I had a huge argument with my father after I found out he drove my daughters home from a family party after having two pints. I was furious. Especially as I would have happily paid for a taxi to get them all home safely, including my dad!

you should have quietly made your excuses rather than having it out with him

Thats exactly what she did! She didnt have anything out with him. She said she wasnt comfortable with him drinking and driving and then got a taxi home.

A person's reaction times start to slow from the first sip of alcohol, then continue on a downwards trajectory up to the point of unconsciousness.

The law has drawn a line in between those two points, but it's a pretty arbitrary (and generous) one. It seems to suggest that anything up to that limit is 'safe' and even a single sip over it is 'unsafe' when actually, no alcohol at all is the safest, and every sip you take makes you a less safe driver.

It is a sad day when people will only stop doing something obviously stupid and dangerous when the law steps in to prevent them. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? A sense of right and wrong?

I don't think it's at all extreme to think that you shouldn't drink any alcohol and then drive a car. It seems completely reasonable to me.

They were in England Cheby.

This story kind of illustrates why the limit should be 0. Make it O and nobody has to make a judgment call on how much alcohol is safe for them. You drive, you don't drink. Much simpler.

However, unless he was very small and light, I don't think a pint would have put him over the limit in England.

Ah ok. Still, I think he's a dick for driving other people's children after having a pint.

I went because he was uncomfortable with the idea of waiting for 2 girls outside the women's toilet. The girls are 7 and 8 so all he had to do was walk with them and wait outside. He didn't want to.

The reason I say drinking is socially unacceptable in Scotland is because I have seen in my hospital at least a much reduced number of patients being admitted to A&E as a consequence of drink driving since the limit has been reduced.

If you have that attitude to risk you wouldn't get in the car at all. Drink or not.