Driving with children after a pint

[Mrbluethecatt]

I was away with my friend at her DBro/SIL's for the weekend in England. We came in friends car and I have a broken foot so can't currently drive. my friends 2Dcs were also with us.

We all 4 adults and 2 DDs were due to go to a sports event yesterday however the SIL was unwell with bad morning sickness so couldn't make it. Friends DBro wanted to take the kids and asked my friend to stay with SIL. I was to go with the DDs to help with going to the toilet etc.

When we got there friends DBro went to the refreshments bit and bought drinks including a pint of beer for himself. I wasnt happy with this as Friends and I are from Scotland where drinking and driving is very socially unacceptable and even 1 pint would put you over the limit.

Before he started drinking I quietly said I wasn't comfortable with him drinking and driving the DCs. He got very annoyed with me and took a large drink and pretty much downed the pint in one.

I called my friend and told her and said I would pay for a taxi for me and the kids home after the event finished. The event only lasted an hour.

Friends DBro was angry at me for refusing to let him take the kids home and for me calling my friend. The DCS and me got a taxi home.

My friend had words with her DBro about expecting she would be ok for him to drive the DCs after drinking. After we got home last night friends SIL called me to tell me that I was out of order and was never allowed in her home again. I considered sil as a friend as we went to Uni together. She has told a few others what happened as I have had a few texts saying I should apologise to friends DBro. I dont think I should.

Aibu? Should I apologise?

No you're not being unreasonable. We are in England and rule in this house; if you have had ANY drink - no driving.

OP-has the SIL told your friend she isn't welcome in their house, it is it just you? The answer to that tells you if you were being unreasonable, I think.

Dad's did you read that article you linked to? It says that, despite a seasonal spike over Christmas, there has been a downward trend in drink driving offences since the reduced limit was introduced. So your condescending comment about the OP's "nice anecdote" would appear to be uncalled for and is seemingly backed up by the evidence. Besides which, is there any problem with allowing your own personal and professional experience to inform your opinions?

I'm not really sure how anybody can say YABU here. This guy wasn't doing you a favour like one PP said. Not sure where that's come from. As I understand it, neither of you are the children's parents. You felt uncomfortable with his decision to drink and drive (as would I, along with lots of people posting here it seems). You felt that the children's mother might also be unhappy. You checked with her. She was unhappy and stated that she would rather you took the children home in a taxi. So everyone should be happy, no? BIL got to down his pint in one like a 15 year old at a party, you did not get into a car under circumstances that made you uncomfortable and the children's mother got the chance to make the call on her own children's safety. BIL is only unhappy because he behaved like a tit and got called out and then was bollocked by his sister. SIL has probably not been told the bit where her H downed his drink like a petulant child and will have been told a heavily edited version of the truth where he no doubt offered not to drink on hearing your feelings but you flounced off in a taxi or something similar.

The only person trying to force their views on another person here was BIL who expected that his decision to drink would have to be accepted. OP did not force him to take a taxi and she sought her friend's opinion before making a decision about the children.

Apologies, dad's I confused part of your comment with privatepikes. Yours was not quite as condescending although the message was the same.

X post.

I do understand though that you probably did snap at him a bit purely out of surprise. It is so abnormal to you to drink and drive that you reacted as if not drinking was everybody's norm and he should know that. It isn't though.

Unless you were hideously rude though, I think he should have accepted your and his sister's explanation with good grace, chalked it up to experience and laughed it off over a beer or two back at home.

Yes I have. I have had to pronounce a number of people who died as a consequence of drink driving, as drivers, passengers and pedestrians. I work in a major hospital in a city and have done for over 10 years.

I truly believe that if people see the aftermath of a RTC which involved drinking and driving those who think it's acceptable would change their minds.

A pint wouldn't make an average healthy man over the limit and so not illegal in England.

Seems like a storm in a teacup to me.

If there are people driving round killing people after drinking a pint of beer an hour ago, then it was likely that alcohol was not the major or even a significant cause of the accident.

Mrblue YANBU

Drinking is one of those topics on MN that I find to be worlds away from RL.

I'm in Scotland. No one in my social circle would drink (any amount) and drive at all any more after the change to the law.

Even before the law change no one in my family and friends would drive a child after any amount of alcohol.

There also seems to be a concern in a number of the posts that a woman doesn't have the right to tell a man whether he can drink or not. Which I find completely hysterical. That it's humiliating to him to be asked to consider the safety of his passengers.

Look, no one in their right mind condones drink driving. However one pint for a man would not put anyone in danger.

Pure unscientific melodrama from folk.

A bit of an over reaction I think, I generally wouldn't drink a pint and then drive straight away but if it was going to be an hour or more then I'd happily do so. Quite happy for my child to be in a car in those circumstances as well. I see terrible drivers on the road daily who I presume are 100% sober who could just as likely kill me as someone who's just drunk a pint.

Btw, I wouldn't be apologising for myself either.

If the SIL is pregnant and unwell she may be a little overwrought at the moment so I'd give her a pass on any inflammatory statements but I certainly wouldn't apologise.

If you say sorry, what happens next time this situation arises with the same couple?

privatepike with respect, how can you know that until you've seen one? None of us can say with certainty what we would do in any given circumstance until we've been there.

Whether YABU depends on whether the mother of the DCs if she had been there would have done the same as you. Agreeing to the taxi does not mean she would have taken one if she had been there

YANBU
It doesn't matter whether he was over the limit or not. One pint CAN impair your judgement or reactions.Alcohol affects everyone differently.
Judging by his immature reaction I doubt I would want him driving children anywhere anyway.
Your sil is being stupid.