To make family members delete pictures of DD when she was born?

[thumb3lina]

When DD was born I was under general anaesthetic and didn't wake up well so I didn't see her for a few hours. A few family members met DD and took pictures of her in her cot before I had met her and I'm now seeing these pictures a lot, printed and digitally. Would IBU to make people delete them or at least remove them from display?

My reasoning is that DH and I should have been first to meet her and I don't like that they met my own daughter before I did, also because I don't like to see these pictures as they remind me of the time I missed with her. Purely selfish reasons.

I would be furious if anybody met my baby before me!!! I would hope that my DF/DH would have the common sense to WAIT before letting anyone meet the baby before its own Mother had!

If its a recent thing & they are on FB then yes I would ask them to remove them. Depends how long ago this is I guess?

My family have the decency to realise that they should wait to meet but DF family I am sure would just barge in and demand cuddles before I was even bought round!

YANBU
I'd ask for them not to be put on social media.
There will be lots of firsts that you will be part of though...1st smile, learning to sit, first tastes, shoes, haircut.
Just make sure you enjoy these.

I wouldn't demand it but this is close family so I wouldn't hesitate to let them know how upset it makes me feel.

One of my good friends met my DS before I did, due to similar circumstances. She changed his nappy too. What she did not do was take photos. That would have been horrible, I think.

I completely understand how you feel. I was whisked off to surgery following DD1's birth and feel I missed those precious first hours. My husband and parents (as mum was also a birth partner) had cuddles and took photos and whenever I see them I still feel a twinge that I wasn't there. I also missed her first weigh-in and being dressed... However having recently had DS I was there and actually the birth was no more magical and my bond is no stronger. I don't think YABU to feel the way you do but take a deep breath each time and think of all the lovely moments that only you will experience as her mum x

YABU. Your scenario is exactly the reason I chose to find out the my babies' genders before birth too.
FWIW those photos of the early hours would be so precious to me, especially so in your case. Don't get them deleted. You'll regret it when she's older and you're fretting about things far more important.

Try to let it go, your parents and grandmother must have been so traumatised at the thought of losing you and the baby, so what if they took a few photos? Why not give your parents a framed, nicer picture of your baby and ask them to display that one? Although the more you make it an 'issue' the more likely they are to keep the original photo on display - but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

I have never even thought about this before but I also had my baby by EMCS and therefore 'missed out' on his first few hours ............ not that we had any visitors at that point.

No I'm not controlling at all, my mum is though and she fucking loves that she met DD first.

As others have suggested, it's an exercise in control, as surrogate for an event where you weren't. Deleting the photos doesn't change the fact that some family members met your baby before you and will only serve to alienate people who obviously care about your baby. As hospitals aren't in the habit of allowing randoms to meet newborns before their parents, I am assuming your H was involved in letting these family members meet your baby.

Think of it this way, when you were recovering from bringing her into the world she was being watched over by people who love her and who will continue to love and watch over her, now you have recovered. That's one lucky baby to be surrounded by so much love.

Why should they?

You're being silly and you know it.

This happened to me too but I don't mind. I was happy for family to see DS as it meant he wasn't on his own in special care.

seriously not getting the "I'd be furious" posts, it isn't a race.

X posted. I'm guessing there's a huge backstory regarding your Mum but she can crow all she likes, it doesn't change the fact that you gave birth to your baby. She only has the power to make you feel bad if you give her permission.

I had a CS with my twins. They were early, but not dangerously so. I lost a lot of blood and was pretty out of it for two days. The anaesthetist took photos of DTD1's birth, after which she was whisked away by the doctors and midwives whilst DTD2 was born. I treasure those photos. I wasn't really aware of either of my DDs until they were 2 days old. I love that I have photos of my parents, DH and all three of our chosen godparents with them.

I think the issue, OP, is more with your mother and the fact that you say she is controlling.

Op this is a very insensitive thing for them to do.

Perhaps they don't realise how your feeling. New mothers go through a range of emotions and hormone changes and so on.

I would say - " The pictures upset me can you change them please sorry if it sounds silly but I cant help how I feel, it reminds me of TRAUMA " you insenstive gits

Its a trauma that you have been through, some comments on here are awful. Yo may also want to consider ringing birth trauma assc and or a birth debrief

BTW how you feel is personal to you, so posters saying " I was happy with this" is neither here nor there, its upsetting YOU.

get what your saying but this does seem to be ott, other people would be furious ? the fact is this seems to be one up man ship on your mum's side, but she probably won't back down on this one. she can display any photo she wants in her own home and though it might wind you up, you need to let this one ride.

My Mum was at DD's birth and right down the business end. It wasn't planned that she be there, it just happened. It means she 'met' DD before me, saw she was a girl first.

Am I meant to be cross about this? This is the most bizarre thing I've ever come across for being angry about.

Who cares? Really, I can't get my head around why it matters at all.

I totally understand, i said to my OH if anything like that happens no one is too meet her etc....I think you should do what ever you feel comfortable with she is your daughter!

Some of the posts on here are really unreasonable, can people really not get why this could be upsetting for someone who has been through something traumatic.

I have a photo of ds taken by the mw after ds was born in an incubator, hours before I could meet him, it makes me feel incredibly emotional looking at it. 6 years on. I think I too would find it upsetting if this was displayed on a relatives wall.

It sounds as though there are other circumstances around your relationship with your mum and this is a part of that as well as the feelings you have about the birth. Hope you get some resolution.

This is the most bizarre thing I've ever come across for being angry about

Me too. You've got a lovely baby and you're alive and THIS is what you care about?

I think there are lots of things about birth that are not "reasonable". Even an uncomplicated birth can be a deeply emotional time, with extreme highs and lows. Since you almost lost your life giving birth, this must be even more pronounced and I am not surprised you don't feel completely "reasonable" about the first few hours and days of your baby's life.

It doesn't matter whether your feelings seem reasonable to others - you have been through a traumatic experience (whenever it was - often these things don't change with time) and, in my opinion, your family should have the empathy and compassion to accommodate them. I would tell them briefly how you feel - and how strongly - and ask them not to display the photos taken before you had seen your child and not to show them to other people. I would not ask them to erase them, but simply to ignore them.

Since these are your very close relatives, I'm sure they will do what you want - they will surely have your welfare at heart. It is likely they were thinking of you when they took them - to ensure you didn't miss out on any stage of your daughter's life - but I'm sure once you gave explained your viewpoint, they will act in accordance with your wishes and be horrified that they have caused you unwitting pain.