AIBU to ask about your wedding bugbears?

[coralpig]

We are getting married next month and my goal is to make sure people are happy and comfortable. What has annoyed you about weddings you've been too? what tiny details were lovely and which were pointless and annoying.

Thanks :)

It's getting close but makes sure you can afford plenty of food and drink - echoing others upthread.
Looks like you're sorted with non-alcohol but please make sure you have soft drinks which are not too sweet as well as all the traditional ones. There are fewer things more annoying then finding a choice of tap water, oversweetend fruit juice and carbonated syrup when you're not drinking.

Plenty of places to sit and shelter. Whatever the time of year, don't assume it won't be scorching, freezing or windy. Most wedding shoes aren't great for long periods of standing either.

Make sure everyone can get there. Either give out taxi numbers or lay on transport or help people arrange lifts. Either way, check that people have arrangements.

NOt sure if you're doing this but evening invites - make it clear and ensure decent catering. I prefer full day - mine was at 3 pm so no evening only guests in principle.
We did go to a wedding where this was not made clear. Went to the ceremony then there was a confusing bit when it became apparent there was a meal but it wasn't clear who was invited and who wasn't. Cue having to hang around town in wedding clothes as there was a bit in the middle missing.

Yes to the canapés as it helps prevent hunger/passing out.

One wedding I went to put little disposable cameras on the tables for people to snap. She said she had some good photos but remember to make a note to return them at the end of the night.

Please for all that's Holy. Do not include one of them vomit inducing poems about how you would prefer cash rather than gifts

They really get on my wick. The thing is I don't mind giving cash/cheque gifts at all. However, hiding behind those poems gives me the rage.

But at end of the day, it is your wedding, so I am sure your guests will love to celebrate your special day with you.

Mine would be ages and ages and AGES of photos of bride and groom whilst guests sit around being bored/ waiting for reception. Friends did it well as they had photos at reception venue so people could get on with some food whilst they did coupley photos.

If the wedding is in a hotel I imagine guests will be able to go and get a drink from a bar somewhere else in the venue. I hardly drink at all (not teetotal but very infrequent drinker and even then only one glass of beer) - and I've surprised myself at how strongly I feel that there should be alcoholic drinks available for those that want them.

Being seated on a table with people I don't know, when my friends are on other tables
And also being split up from DH, either by being on different tables or on the other side of the same table
No, we aren't going to spend the whole night only talking to each other, but it would be nice to have a chat with him about the service, food, did you speak to so-and-so during the reception etc

The last wedding I went to split the couples up in the table plan, and every time someone got up to go to the loo or say hello to someone, the partner of the person next to the empty seat would sit in it and chat to their partner.
So when the original seat occupant came back, they would then sit in the newly-empty seat and wine glasses and cutlery would be swapped around. By the time the main courses were served, everyone had rearranged themselves to be next to their partners, which meant endless confusion about who's drink was whos. Just seemed totally pointless not to have sat everyone like that from the start

"Have tried to throw in lots of entertainment" - well done, I think this is key.

I am sorry if this makes me an arse but the worst thing about weddings for me is .... being bored. If there are lots of people I know and want to catch up with, that can be wonderful, and meeting new people can be fun too, but for a whole day you need more to do than just a drunk disco bit later on. Puzzles, games, that sort of thing. this may be awfully nerdy but I do get so, so bored standing about doing nothing.

Right this is really wanky but I am going to just say it. If the people who will be giving speeches are not trained in speaking, then get someone to give them a bit of coaching. Just standing up straight, not fiddling with things, speaking clearly and slowly enough, and talking from the heart, not reading, will make the speeches so much nicer for everyone. You just need to get someone to spend one hour with them building their confidence and giving a few pointers in looking poised, confident, and speaking naturally. then the speeches - which will contain lots of lovely heart warming content, I am sure - will get across to everyone, and there will be a lovely "ah" moment around them all, instead of "what is he talking about now? Does he know the mic is off?" etc

I would say that the main problem I have found is usually to do with not having enough information. A nice poster or chalkboard on the day with when and where things will be happening or if that doesn't work maybe on the back of your order of ceremony.
I was very sad at my wedding my Dad missed the big group photo we did in the evening because he didn't know it was happening and had gone off for a walk.

I have a million cousins and go to a wedding at least once every 1-2 years!

Your timings sound great. There is often delays after food and speeches and so your planned timing means even delays won't make everything really late iyswim?

For me, and my family, the biggest thing we find useful is things for kids to do. So somewhere they can run around, bounce play etc. It doesn't have to be expensive or posh but we have a paddling pool, ball pool balls to go in it and blow up games etc.
We also do the children a little gift bag for the table. Again nothing posh or expensive but usually poundshop pens, colouring book, puzzles, sweets etc. It makes it less stressful fo parents when eating and children do love new things more than toys bought from home!

TBH the best weddings I've been too have been the ones wher I've seen the bride and groom relaxed and enjoying themselves. I've then felt relaxed to enjoy myself without feeling pressure to perform in a certain way as a guest.
And dry wedding wouldn't bother me - I'm tee total!

The best weddings I've been to were those of my much older cousins in the 60's. In those days people tended to get married in the morning, have their reception and then go off to catch a train to honeymoon destination early afternoon. The pace was quick, there was no hanging about and no having to stay all day. I think these long drawn out affairs that start early and finish late with an evening party ask too much of guests. We couldn't do an early wedding in this pattern ourselves but had a 4pm wedding, canapés, photos and then a sit down dinner - all flowing on quite quickly followed by dancing for those who wanted it. Another way of cutting the time people have to stand around.

I'm prepared to be flamed for this one but...if you are happy for people not to stay for the whole thing, I'd say so.

I am mystified that weddings are such long days. Others have covered the topic of food (and at the wrong times and with possible long journeys for people) so I would feel reassured if the couple said to me not to feel obligated to stay all day. I am also an introvert and that day would be really long for me and make me feel quite unwell, so knowing the couple respect that and would be fine with me nipping in and out to wish them well would be great. It might also get catering costs down.

re the booze, I don't really drink but ironically the one time in life it's really needed is a wedding. I think even I'd have a snifter in my handbag.

I note you say there are games and things, I'd say when they are.

that said, if the "birds of a feather" thing is correct most of your guests will like that.

The best weddings are the ones that are as late as they can be, or just around lunchtime and then you're free to either join the evening or not.

I think all the things I was thinking have been said but my thoughts are:

• Information! I hate not knowing what's going to happen when, especially when have DS (2) to look after. Have I got time to pop to room, move car, take DS for a nap, do i need to sneak out for a burger to keep me going (if ceremony at lunch time (1pmish) most people will have missed lunch so desperate for food!), or just change my shoes! Just a chalk board in a prominent place is all that's needed with times for the day. Knowing if there's going to be Canapés and main meal and evening buffet or just cake and cheese later. Even putting up menu's of what is being served when start of day is a great help so know if need to fill myself up when i can or leave room for mountains of cheese/hog roast etc later!

• Not too much waiting around after ceremony. If the venue insist on a long drinks reception make sure plenty of seats (there's only so much standing around in heels I can manage). Having a few optional things to do is great. No one wants to be forced into awkward 'activities', but if space giant connect 4 and similar garden games are good.

• If a long drinks reception then being stuck on the same table as the people been chatting to for last 2 hours can be really painful! Putting table plan up to look at straight after ceremony and before going in to the meal is handy to know to go and chat to people not on same table! Or mixing up tables a bit with people don't know but you think would get on.

• Enforced 'fun'. The bride getting in a strop because people didn't look like they were enjoying themselves enough was probably the most cringe worthy moment!

• Bad music. If no one is on the dance floor and sitting around looking board at 9pm change the music! Whether a band, DJ, or just a play list make sure you can play request's and have some of your favourite get up and dance tracks available. If the bride and groom are on the dance floor going crazy to a tune chances are everyone else will join in!

But most if all - enjoy. If you both look happy and have a bit of fun everyone else will too :-)

Wedding was at 11 we got fed at 4, my 4 year old was starving, we were not expecting this.
Bloody stupid over the top photos

Be willing to make slight adjustments on the day if necessary, e.g. due to weather or issues with timings.

We went to a wedding recently with an overly long outdoor drinks reception - not only was there no seating, but it was raining. It's hard to juggle a bag, a card, a drink, canapés and an umbrella. Plus the only loo during the drinks reception was in a cobwebs potting shed. Particularly irritating as the marquee was nearby but the bride didn't want to serve the drinks there or allow people to use the main loos because she wanted to save the wow factor. Frankly, we would have been more impressed if she'd put her guests' comfort before a non-existent wow factor.

I remembered my really big one: if someone/people are doing a major "job" for you eg. band, flowers, decorations, any music etc. then they should either be thanked or paid, both is nice, but if you aren't paying them then please acknowledge them in your thanks.
(DH once played for someone's wedding and years and years later it still is annoying that they neither acknowledged his contribution or paid him - and they weren't close friends either, but even then it would have been rude.)

Think we have upset the OP!

Stunned at the number of people who can't handle the fact it's a dry wedding. I'm a fan of G&T and love a bottle glass of wine, but for one day to celebrate a friend's wedding I'd still enjoy it! I would say don't go for pretend-alcohol, I tried some non-alcoholic wines/beers when pregnant and they were all rank. Good soft drinks are the key, some special mocktails on arrival or for the toast, perhaps.

And having done a summer as a registration officer, I'd say make sure that dresses work for all your bridesmaids, standing or sitting. I was writing the register at one wedding, bridesmaids were seated in front of me in lovely 50's-style dresses with sticky-out skirts. Except one bridesmaid was a little larger and taller than the other two, and when she sat down her skirt puffed up showing me her knickers. I was polite enough to keep my head down at the book but I hope she didn't feel awkward if she realised.

Oh PinkPomerianian I think we may have been at the same wedding! Although loos during drink reception weren't in a shed - just a long walk away over a field. And we all froze and starved looking longingly at the cozy looking marquee with an amazing smelling meal drifting teasingly on the cold wind.

Waiting for ages between ceremony and reception and reception over-running into evening.

I was at a wedding where the evening do was meant to start at 7 but didn't get started till 9

It's always lack of food or access to that's the main one. One of DH's brothers got married at 11am or something. A coach was provided to take guests from the church to the hotel where the wedding reception was being held, but no-one quite knew what they were supposed to do when they got there. The b&g were having photos taken so most people went to the bar and had a drink and time went on and on and no announcement to come and sit down for a meal. A couple of plates of sandwiches came out for the older people but we weren't offered any. The bar didn't do food, but we didn't feel we could just leave and go and try to find a dining room because no-one else was leaving. In the end I said to DH that We would have to make some excuse and go into the nearby town on the pretext of getting something (silly string or shaving foam to do a daft "just married" thing on their car next morning). But really we went to McDonald's. I have no idea what the other guests did for food, all I know is the bride told us later that "no-one eats much at these things, do they so we thought we'd just so an evening buffet." But that was at 9pm at just the one reception (evening do) Dear god, why have such a big gap between your ceremony and some kind of reception. I had no idea people did this! I guess it was to save on costs.

DH's other brother and his new wife went off round the city having photos taken at various locations so guests were left for ages and ages wondering where they were. There was a marquee but no-one wanted to sit down before the b &g had got there and it was bloody freezing. Then when they finally arrived there were even more group photos. We all went in the marquee then and everyone could see the buffet style food sitting there and because no-one had eaten since breakfast we were all looking forward to starting on it. But then they decided to have a change of plan for some reason and do the speeches before the food . Which was sitting going cold. And the speeches went on forever. 11.30 registry office wedding, finally eating at about 3.45. Kids were a bit desperate by this time, as were the adults!

I have been to so many long drawn out weddings, that we got married had a meal and went! The worst wedding I have been to was one with no food at all. This was so the bride and groom could afford the disco. It was totally and absolutely awful. Nobody danced because they were hungry and everybody went within an hour. I have no idea what they were thinking. I have been to dry weddings which were lovely. Surely people who find this a problem should be looking at their drinking habits?

This is why I eloped lol.

All good advice above OP but don't forget it's your day!

Make sure you and stbdh have a fabulous day that you will treasure forever.

You can't please everyone and I'm sure your nearest and dearest will appreciate your efforts

I should think she is possibly a bit upset, with only a month to go she was probably looking for minor tweaks as it's too late to make major changes eg alter venues, timings, catering, bridesmaid dresses, magician. I am a bit at the number of negative comments about it being dry too. Hope you have a lovely day OP .

Long days are bad enough, but I've just got back from a week long wedding. The bride and groom hired a large house abroad for the week because they wanted chance to catch up with everyone properly.

Apart from the annoyance of having to use up my summer holiday staying somewhere I wouldn't choose, with people I mostly didn't know, the real killer was that when we got there we were put into 'teams' to help with the wedding preparation - moving furniture around, decorating the house and grounds, cooking and washing up. This was supposed to be fun, but it felt like a grind.

I don't cook, and because I couldn't contribute on this score I ended up in the kitchen washing up and clearing dirty dishes every evening - for a very large group of people.

I was also the only Brit there, and although everyone else was kind enough to speak English to me, they obviously spoke their own language to each other so I never felt I could join in with the little groups of laughing people who all seemed to know each other and were having a great time. I have never felt so lonely, despite normally being perfectly happy to meet and chat with new people. Plus I just can't do night after night of drinking and socialising any more, I just don't have the energy. By the time the actual marriage ceremony rolled around at the end of the week I was exhausted.

If I ever get invited to a multiple day wedding again, I'm declining.