AIBU to ask about your wedding bugbears?

[coralpig]

We are getting married next month and my goal is to make sure people are happy and comfortable. What has annoyed you about weddings you've been too? what tiny details were lovely and which were pointless and annoying.

Thanks :)

It is necessary for it to be dry. Sorry.

It's entirely up to you OP if you want an alcohol free wedding. Can you look at 'interesting' soft drinks options eg mock tails/ schloer type drinks instead of wine or a nice alcohol free wine? Make it a bit more interesting than lemonade?!

Lots of food/drink (soft in your case) see no issue with dry wedding once people are aware in advance.

Seating, particularly if you're doing drinks. I look ok but have real problems standing for longer than 10-15 minutes.

If there are any particular religious rules/traditions (I get the impression your DH to be is of different religion/culture?) anyway let people know in advance.

Have fun!!!

VioletBam. I'd love that. I find weddings a bit long to be sociable for as well.

However, I think there are several reasons they tend to be long

• to fit everything in if you are going for all of the 'traditional' bits (photos, speeches, 3 course meal, cake cutting, first dance etc)

• to make it feel like 'a very special day' rather than to hurried (for the bride & groom)

• adequately 'hosting' people who have travelled a long way

Etc

But if it's your wedding, do what makes you happy. Sounds good to me as a guest too 💐

We are having non alcoholic wines, beers and mocktails. Lots of traditions - we've made a little guidebook/ glossary for our guests that we put in the invitations and will have on the day. Trying to make it as inclusive as possible. If people feel they have to leave early because they can't drink I can't stop them but I just find that quite sad.

I've shocked myself a bit at how horrified I am at a dry wedding. I think I might pop out for a drink while you did the photos. I'm a bit ashamed and surprised at myself.

Forgive my ignorance, but will the rest of the day follow a "traditional" pattern? I think the dry-ness would be less noticeable if it didn't. For example, when we went to a wedding in India, we didn't notice the lack of booze because the format of the day(s) was so different to what we were used to.

It does sound a very long day, with the ceremony at 1:00 and the evening meal beginning at 8:30 (presumably continuing for several more hours?). Do you anticipate that most guests will stay for the entire time?

Cross post - ah good - if it's not just a typical wedding minus alcohol, then your DH's family will prob find it more fun. I like the idea of a booklet.

The wedding breakfast is a three course sit down meal (very big portions from our taster) beginning at 3.30. It's a snacky buffet at 8.30 and there'll be canapés with drinks just after ceremony. It's a long day -people can stay as long as they feel comfortable

One of the best receptions I attended had lots of tables and chairs round about, and each table had a selection of canapes. There were 3 largish open spaces where people could congregate and mingle, too. It meant old and infirm could sit, and as people wandered from one space to another they could sit and have a chat with Aunty X or Cousin Y etc on the way. Also because there were lots of tables it was easier for the old and infirm to get up and move to another part of the room and a different set of people.

There was no sit down meal, which I prefer anyway, but the canapes were plentiful and delicious. They became more substantial as time went on, which I thought was quite clever of the caterers and b&g.

I've been to a couple of 'dry' weddings, one for religious reasons, the other because the husband-to-be was a recovering alcoholic (and is still sober 20 years later, well done to him!). All guests knew in advance, I think a couple of people did wander off to a local pub for a while at one but nobody was in-you- face drunk. They were both lovely weddings.

Will you mind if people leave before the evening buffet? Based on your timeline, I would probably leave after the cake cutting. Of course I wouldn't want to offend anyone, though!

Dry wedding. It's a bit of an oxymoron in England 😁

I wouldn't mind at all, as long as I knew in advance. (I'd be annoyed at making plans so I didn't have to drive, only find out once I got there.). But you told them on the invitation, so you have that covered.

It would be lovely if there were 'nicer than normal' drinks there - not to substitute the alcohol, but it just feels a bit more 'special event' than 'everyday'. But as long as there's some sparkly water I'm a happy camper.

However, a good part (quite possibly all but a couple) of my extended family would VERY unimpressed...and I can honestly see them sloping off to the nearest pub as soon as it was even vaguely acceptable, so I can understand your DF being concerned about how his family will feel.

I don't think it's about 'abstaining for one day' - plenty of people don't drink every day, but it's about the way our culture celebrates things & alcoholic drinks are a part of it. Also, a lot of adults I know don't drink a lot of cold drinks that aren't alcohol for pleasure - a nice wine or cold beer is a pleasure, a glass of water/lemonade is to quench thirst. It's a bit like having particularly nice food at the wedding, instead of your average dinner. Hope that makes sense.

I'm also surprised how wibbly i feel about a dry wedding. Interesting that the thought of an all day event without booze is alarming. Prob need to cut back my drinking.
I deeply suspect there will be hip flasks galore on your DH's side. Have a think how you will feel about that.
I went to a veggie wedding once - which i had no problem with - but gosh people moaned about that.
Hope you have a lovely day.

A dry wedding is perfectly OK.

Long speeches are boring. Endless thanking people is boring. Weird formal stuff is boring eg 'let's all be upstanding for Mr and Mrs Xxx' , really! Who speaks like that.

There is no need for favours or ribbons or shite like that.

Relaxed and friendly with lots of food sounds perfect,

I am genuinely shocked that anyone would sneak in a hip flask, drink beforehand or nip to a pub when attending a dry wedding. I just find that so disrespectful and rude, and actually a bit sad. l like a drink but have family members who don't drink for religious reasons and if they are hosting something, parties included, there is no alcohol. I am free to drink any other evening that I wish to, but if my hosts don't drink then for that evening I respect that because it isn't about me and honestly is it that hard to enjoy an event without alcohol?

I keep cross posting with you 😖

I like the idea of your booklet, it's good to know what's going on when you're at a wedding based on another cultures traditions 😊 I've been to a few where I've had no idea what was going on & really felt I missed out on the 'ceremony' of it. One in particular there weren't any people there who both understood what was going on & spoke English. It was a lovely day and the friends/family were great & welcoming, but it would have been nice to have had a clue what was going on 😁

A little alcohol stops a lot of people being quite so self conscious, another reason people tend to like a glass or two & then relax & enjoy the day more. It's not about getting plastered. Is there a reason other than that you are Muslim that means it's going to be dry?

As I said earlier though, your wedding, your choice & people have been told. I'm just trying to explain why your DF's family & friends might feel a bit put out.

Feeding people is very important as has been mentioned one or two times already .

If speeches are going to be before dinner they should be reasonably short. People are hungry. Actually speeches should be short full stop.

Also weddings are not public speaking events and whilst it's wonderfully egalitarian to break from tradition and have the brides/ DMs speaking as well, all your guests will remember is that you had or 6 speeches rather than 3.

My DF was quite religious and had a dry wedding but they did have a paid bar - would that be a possibility? I have to admit that I'd probably smuggle in a bottle of wine if I was staying at the hotel and have a glass or two, just because although I'm not a big drinker it's something I enjoy on an evening out. Either that or I'd probably leave earlier than if I was buoyed up on alcohol, so your evening event may finish earlier than you expect.

Or that could just be me .

See also with the vegetarian weddings- I can't get my head around why someone would moan about that? Someone you love is celebrating their marriage and they want to have you there and pay for you to have a meal. Why would anyone then moan that they can't eat meat for ONE DAY? They can even have a bacon sandwich for breakfast so it's just one meal. One meal without meat. Don't get me wrong, if I am planning a party I think about the guests and want to accommodate their tastes, because as the host I choose to do that. But as someone else's wedding guest I would be happy to eat vegan food/stay sober/dress up as a wizard or whatever else they wanted because it is their special day and I think it is their prerogative to decide what that day looks like. Guests can then eat meat/drink/wear normal clothes every other day of their lives if they want!

Eating at the wrong times, so eating at 3.30pm is a big no-no to me, unless it's afternoon tea type thing. But with your wedding you haven't given people time to have lunch before they get to the wedding.

Evening 'dos' - hate them! Last wedding I went to we left just as the evening guests arrived.

Having nothing to drink is a personal bugbear, even if the venue know your dietary requirements they often don't translate that to the drinks as well, so can't even rustle up a glass of water when everyone else is drinking fizzy wine or juice. Not following through on food dietary requests too. I was presented with a a gluten free pudding at the last wedding I went to, a fruit sorbet. I asked the manager if it had sugar in, of course not it's for you. A few minutes later it was taken off me as of course it had sugar in. I had specifically requested some cheese, which is on their choice of items available for weddings, or sugar free jelly, so this request was ignored.

Lack of signage to toilets is annoying too!

OP is having a dry wedding!! Why are posters suggesting she doesn't! She is!
The whole day sounds fun and a bit different with plenty of food, varied n/a drinks and entertainment. It would be very rude to bring alcohol. If someone pathetic/dependent thinks they can't last without it they'll have to go elsewhere!

I've "been" to hundreds of weddings as a staff member and a few things I picked up over the years are:

Think about getting the speeches over with before the meal. I know they are traditional, but let's face it no one is remotely interested in the endless blethering. If you do them before the meal then the people who are nervous about speaking can relax and enjoy the rest of the day.

Food and drinks are the ONLY thing anyone will remember. Getting the exact shade of cerulean blue and magenta ribbon for the favours? No one cares. In fact, I wouldn't bother with favours, fancy table decorations, twiddly shit, or anything else. No one cares. The only thing anyone cares about is being well fed, frequently.

Your day is quite long. Quite a few people will probably bail out before the evening do. Don't be upset. It's not a reflection on how good your day is, it's just that some people (especially elderly ones) can't cope with a such a full on day. Have you invited some extra people just for the evening?

Make sure you and your new DH make the effort to go round and talk to everyone. I saw way too many brides huddled in corners with their friends which is quite rude when people have travelled to celebrate with you.

I can't see an issue with a dry wedding. It's one day out of their lives. Just make sure the soft drinks you are providing are interesting and varied and make sure you have way more than you think you will need if it's hot.

I think your drinks reception is too long. It shouldn't take more than an hour to turn a room. Is your venue somewhere where people can go and have a walk round?

It's too late to change much now, but it sounds like you are going to have a lovely day. Most of all don't get so stressed that you don't enjoy it.

I hate all day weddings, photographs that take an age and speeches that seem never ending. Any mention of gifts or cash is also a bugbear as are evening only (second rate) invites.

Food is a big one as is drink. No drink wouldn't bother me but a night out for many includes drinking so many will either smuggle it in or leave early.

Dry wedding is fine when you have let people know in advance so they can drive rather than organise taxis etc.

My biggest bugbear is noisy discos/bands with nowhere you can go that's quieter to just chat, weddings are often the only time you catch up with distant family and friends and I hate not being able to chat because you are perched on a single row of chairs round a dancefloor. I'm not bothered about dancing at all in fact.

Sorry but I wouldn't want to spend all day at a wedding without even a glass of wine. I would expect to be buying a new outfit, getting my hair done, buying a present, possibly organising a babysitter etc.
I'd find it a very long day without a few drinks, sorry but I would. I respect the fact that it's your religion but it's not mine.
If you came to my wedding, I wouldn't expect you to drink, if you didn't.
I can see where you're coming from with the magician etc but they're my idea of boring/hell to be honest.
Good food tastes better with wine, sorry but that's my personal opinion.
I'd be sneaking in a hip flask, myself.