AIBU to ask about your wedding bugbears?

[coralpig]

We are getting married next month and my goal is to make sure people are happy and comfortable. What has annoyed you about weddings you've been too? what tiny details were lovely and which were pointless and annoying.

Thanks :)

I hate it when you have to move from ceremony venue to evening reception venue.

We hated the hanging around bit between ceremony and sitting down to eat when we were wedding guests. Also meant the b+g didn't actually get to spend time with their guests if they were off having photos done

So for our wedding we faked our portrait photos - by having them taken 2 days prior. We got all dressed up, hair and makeup, and had a v relaxed couple of hours to take some nice photos - without getting all stressed and sweaty. Then on the day we had 15 mins of v quick family group photos and spent the next 45 mins drinking fizz with our guests. Then everyone sat down to eat 1h after the ceremony finished

Not for everyone but totally worked for us.

We also didn't do speeches at all, apart from a few words from me and him while everyone was having coffee and cake. That was again just our preference though.

An expensive cash bar. I don't mind buying my own drinks but I do resent paying £7 for a vodka and coke!

I don't think I would have time to prepare and eat 'brunch' get me and my children ready and travel to the location. This is one of the major things that terrible about weddings, why would you want to starve your guests

I wouldn't, but no one is going to starve between 1 & 3:30 😁 It's 2 1/2 hours WITH canapés before the meal.

Unless you are more than an hours drive or are a single parent to 5 under 5's it's perfectly doable. 'Brunch' doesn't have to be fancy! Call it an early lunch and have cheese sandwiches if need be.make sure there's some protein in it & you'll all live.

I was coming on to say don't do that thing where you invite people to the ceremony at 10 in the morning and then expect them to do ???? what? - while you take loads of other guests off for meals and drinks - until 7 pm when you're expected to miraculously show up again for the reception.

However i have to say how surprised i am at the amount of people who feel they can't enjoy themselves for a day without alcohol. I just don't understand it. As for sneaking alcohol into the occasion where the host has declined it for religious reasons, or 'escaping' to drink elsewhere .... well words fail me.

We had to leave at 1 to get to the wedding, ate just before 12, was starving by 7:30. Especially as we could smell the food from 4.

I'm pretty sure OP has told her guests what time they'll be eating, it's one day, surely you could have brunch or an early lunch, or a few snacks. And yeah, just push the wedding backwards or forwards a few hours, it's THAT easy. Jeez, some people love to complain about anything.

Hanging around is the worst.

I love the idea of a dry wedding with nice mocktails etc! I also like veggie food, so I'll happily come to your wedding OP!

I'm gluten free for medical reasons, and often find at weddings that although I'll get a main course I can eat (though I might get melon as starter and pudding), I won't be able to eat any of the canapes, cake, or the vast majority of the buffet. In fact I went to one wedding where the grooms mother was also gf and there was nothing on the evening buffet either of us could eat. She was less than impressed.

Seating during the drinks and photos, is important. At my brothers wedding they had a number of infirm elderly guests, but the photos were in the grounds of the venue where there weren't any seats which was a right pita.
Delegate an usher to hold the list of exactly who is going to be required in each photo so they can help get the right people ready for each shot before the photographer needs them

Don't make the drinks reception too long before you feed people. I've been to loads of weddings and that's the bit where everyone feels like they are waiting and tend to drink too much. An hour is plenty.

This. I've barely recovered from a wedding 4 years ago where the ceremony was at 11 and wedding breakfast wasn't until 3.30pm with not so much as an amuse bouche in sight inbetween, but plenty of champagne and Pimms going free. I was so hammered by the time we ate, all I remember is peas flying across the room as I tried to scoop them up and having to be given a plaster from stabbing myself in the face with my fork

Also don't do a line up. It's awkward and no one really cares who people are unless you know them.

My sister went to wedding last year and the b&g vanished for 4 hours to have photos taken just over an hours drive away! No food in that time she hated it if Dbil wasn't best man they would of left.

We have two weddings this year and none have told us what's happening other than the time, date and what to wear we will be eating beforehand and have drinks in the car incase we have a long wait for photographs

Very long or too many speeches - really not everyone has to talk!

This has happened to me several times - going to a night do and never seeing either the bride and groom. We wrnt to one when DD was tiny and we had huge hassle getting a babysitter and driving a big distance....
Saw the bride for approximately 30 seconds, groom not at all - he had lost interest and pissed off with his mates. No one met us at the door even. Really wished we hadn't bothered. (I think daytime guests had also had a shit time and there was literally no atmosphere- everyone went home really early).

I think always remember that people have given up time and probably spent money getting there and act accordingly.

Goodness me. Weddings seem to bring out the worst of mumsnet. OP your wedding sounds lovely. I wouldn't expect alcohol at a Muslim wedding and I'm surprised so many would. I have been to a dry Christian wedding, it was a shite wedding but not because of the lack of alcohol! (Though the offer of a coffee then 'oh it's decaf' was a step too far...)

1pm service for 3.30 meal plus canapes is very reasonable timing. There's not many weddings with a shorter turnaround than that. If I were going I would eat a late brunch style breakfast to tide me over - a big plate of eggs and hash browns etc at 9.30 will see almost anyone through a 6 hour wait.

I have much more fun at weddings where I'm sat with people I know.

I've never been to a wedding with free booze apart from a little wine during the meal so I wouldn't expect free drinks.

However if there is no alcohol make sure there is plenty of drinks for guests that don't drink pop, eg tea coffee, sparkling and still water. I drink gin and tonic, wine, tea, coffee or water and don't particularly like fizzy pop or juice so am a bit stuck if pop is all that is on offer. I also resent paying bar prices for water so jugs of tap water at least please.

I also don't like the photo gap when you have no idea how long it will be so give guests an idea when food will be served. I don't want to be filling up on canapés when the meal is imminent but of course if it is going to be hours later I want some canapés now please.

Sorry OP I just RTFT and saw you're having a dry wedding, ignore my comment about drinks!

Only other thing: mingle lots, yes it's nice to have photos but 2 hours getting pictures in lieu of talking to the people who've made an effort to be there on your special day is not appreciated. Even if it's just a quick chat with each of the day guests once, I find it quite rude when I don't speak to the bride or groom all day. Or, in the case of DH's cousin's wedding, get ignored while the bride literally sits with her mum and sister for the whole day, never spoke to anyone on her husband's side at all (and DH was best man!)

Just re-read my last comment, I'm not suggesting you don't get pictures, just don't spend aaaages doing it

My friend was a bridesmaid for a now divorced couple who, after their ceremony went on a photo tour of the nearby Lake District. Just them 2. They were gone for 4 hours an the guests left mooching about a country house hotel!

Your wedding sounds lovely op.

Find it pathetic that people are trying to persuade op to have alcohol at her wedding. She feels very strongly about it clearly, so doesn't want to provide it. It's quite disrespectful and frankly, uneducated to suggest it.

Don't know if it's been mentioned but this is one that hadn't occurred to me until this year. I was at a wedding when pregnant, but almost nobody knew at the time. I had several problems with it. I was very sick and very tired and had driven several hundred miles the previous night to be there.

1. I needed somewhere to sit at all times (thankfully I got this most of the time thanks to the few people that knew making sure I got any available seats). Worth bearing in mind though as it's miserable if you need a seat but need to stand around for ages.
2. I would vomit if i hadn't eaten in an hour or so, so I ate before the ceremony but couldn't escape to the car to get my emergency snacks afterwards due to the set up, and none of the canapes appeared to be pregnancy-friendly. The waiters either had no idea what they were, or they contained some ingredient (some kind of pâté or seafood or blue cheese or whatever) that I couldn't safely eat (and was very paranoid at that point). So I'd say some plainish canapes would not go amiss! I ended up being very very sick for hours as it was around 5 hours between my snack before the ceremony and the dinner (they had speeches first).
3. I also think it's nice to know in advance what the main meal is. Almost all weddings I've been to, it's a set menu that was decided months and months beforehand, and I now realise how great it would be for some people to know in advance, like in with the invitation bumf. I didn't know until I sat at the table and promptly wished I'd ordered the veggie option as it was 'safe'. As it happened, I spent some time with DH googling ingredients under the table after we read the menu, seeing which ones I was allowed to eat then when it arrived, trying to identify and avoid the things on my plate I wasn't allowed. It was a bit embarrassing (to be using my phone at the table), stressful (almost no signal and needing to find out what was safe) and actually just annoying because I was truly ravenous but couldn't eat everything!

I would NEVER have thought of these things before being pregnant and it was a really lovely wedding, I would've loved all the food had I not been pregnant and wouldn't have had any issues. Just that if I was doing my wedding again, I would give more thought to plainer snacks for pregnant (or fussy!) people, and including the full meal info on the information I sent with the invites. And seats. Seats everywhere, while the photos are happening.

If you are going to to an evening reception, please don't scrimp on the food. I went to one, where we were invited to the ceremony, and the evening bit, we arrived at the alloted time, to find that the A guests were still not finished from the main meal bit. We waited about 1.5 hours, when we were allowed in, the buffet was a bit of pizza, some mini sausages, and a few soggy sandwiches. This was meant to be a posh hotel! We certainly felt like second rate guests.

Please do not let the speeches drag on, its hard anyway, especially with kids.

I would get group photos done first and then smaller and smaller groups until it's just the bride and groom. Makes rounding up guests much easier (and so speeds the process up) and if the guests know the itinerary they know whether they've got time to perhaps go back to their room to freshen up/ditch the hat/raid the minibar/change into evening outfit or whatever.

If the venue is in the countryside/in an area not familiar to the guests knowing where the nearest cashpoint is can be very helpful, plus numbers for local cabs.

If any of the meals are buffets let the vegetarian guests go up before any of the other guests so they get the pick of the vegetarian options.

Don't waste money on favours, table decorations etc. It's not memorable for your guests and it's very easy when you get caught up in the wedding industry to think that they are essential. Ask yourself how many favours you can remember from weddings 2 years or more ago.

If you want people to sign guest books (or anything similar) get it done as soon as possible in the day. There's always queues while people think of something appropriate to write and you tend to miss some people and get others doing it twice. I'd be inclined to leave out lots of 6x4 cards on tables for messages and then put them in a wedding photo album after the wedding. You can then edit out any inappropriate ones. Though this shouldn't be such a problem for you as it's a dry wedding.

Do try and talk to everyone and prioritise those that have travelled a long way. You'll have loads of time to catch up with local friends and close family afterwards.

Thank people for their gifts but do personalise them. A card that just says "thanks for sharing our day" will get tossed by those who aren't worried about acknowledgement and will irritate those people who would like to know that their gift arrived safely. If you asked for money a note that says you spent it on a special experience on honeymoon or bought X for your home will go a long way to offsetting any negative feelings about the way you asked for the money (poems particularly).

Enjoy your day and try not to get stressed by anything going wrong. People remember how happy the B&G were much more than what your colour scheme was.

Being underfed. A few sandwiches in the day and sausage cob at night is not enough. Venues miles from anywhere with long taxi ride to venue meaning you can't nip back to room. Child free wedding invites saying we hope you enjoy your day away from the children (immediate automatic decline- I actually like spending my time with DC)

It was very rude, just felt as though the evening guests were an afterthought. If you cannot afford two receptions, just have one, and invite less people, those who are nearest and dearest to you.

I totally agree lloveowls2 especially when the evening guests are left waiting for the main guests to finish, and are given food akin to that of a kids party, after going to the ceremony, finding somewhere for lunch, then hanging around waiting later, for main guests to finish, very rude, that ruined it for me.