AIBU to ask about your wedding bugbears?

[coralpig]

We are getting married next month and my goal is to make sure people are happy and comfortable. What has annoyed you about weddings you've been too? what tiny details were lovely and which were pointless and annoying.

Thanks :)

If you are doing a separate meal for children serve them first.

At a friend's wedding some guests were 'paired' with someone. I got the grooms mother, so my 'job' was to make sure she had drinks, felt comfortable etc. It worked really well so all the older singles had a younger single to look out for them.

Don't ditch the magician but do make sure it is someone circulating and doing tricks for small groups - not one that wants a huge audience.

We had few alcohol drinks as part of our wedding package, drinks on reception, with meal, speeches etc, if people want more, there was a paid bar. If we had an open bar, it would cost us more than the food and reception, as some of my relatives drink a lot.

OP - would you allow your guests to buy their own drinks at the bar at certain points or is it a dry wedding in the sense that no alcohol at all is allowed in the venue all day?

It's not about people not being able to enjoy themselves without alcohol, but as another poster pointed out, weddings are a huge expense and an event for guests too. It is one of the few days in the year when people can get dressed up and relax, and it may just be worth considering allowing guests to retire to the bar (at their own expense) at one or two points in the day.

Then again, it may be that you have a much more interesting and diverse day planned than the traditional white wedding. I have perhaps just been to too many weddings where there is lots of hanging around making small talk to people you don't really know and where the wedding breakfast food is something boring like chicken and overcooked vegetables that I can't imagine doing it for over 10 hours without a couple of glasses of champagne! If you are having a non-traditional day in all the other ways too then I can't imagine alcohol will be missed.

'I dont think you really understand?
These are beliefs not just random affectations. If you dont believe meat or alcohol are right then you wont want to finance them at an event you are hosting. Its not about culture its about not paying for something you believe to be morally wrong.'

What I don't understand is that you don't seem to care that you are alienating your husbands family. Don't serve/ finance meat or alcohol if you don't want to, but what is wrong with your DH guests buying their own drinks if they want to celebrate a wedding in the way they usually do?

Surely it's a 2-way thing? Your DH is concerned, don't his concerns matter?

I have just read another thread about someone who is finding it difficult to cook vegan good for her son's girlfriend and that wants to ask the girlfriend to bring her own food. She has been told by many that she is being unreasonable and that she should make her guest feel comfortable.

I guess that's the point I'm trying to make...

Whatever you decide to do it would be great if you could keep all your guests happy. I'm perfectly capable of attending a dry event, I just feel sad for you DHs family. It's their celebration too. Why not meet them half way? You are after all going to be part of the family.

Make sure you limit the speeches!! My best friend got married in May and the best man waffled on for 90 mins!!!! The evening guests were arriving and he still carried on! It meant the venue didn't have enough time to change the room around for the evening do so the evening fell a little flat!! It was such a lovely day but people remember that 1 bad point more than all the brilliant things!!!! Hope you have a brilliant day!!!

Agree with the food/drink/waiting aspects that people have mentioned - we went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago and after transferring from ceremony to reception location (beautiful but in the arse end of nowhere and not accessible by public transport) and photos they then did the speeches before the meal!

It didn't affect us too much as we weren't involved I'm family photos after the ceremony so had got to reception venue early and had a drink already. They also did the friends and big group photos first so most guests weren't standing around. Probably a bit drawn out for the wedding party though.

The other thing I liked was that they had a wedding post box so it was a very obvious and safe place to put envelopes without having to wander around trying to find out who to give them to.

I don't really drink alcohol, but I know all my friends and most of my relatives would be disaappointed if there were not even a glass of champagne to toast the b&g with. Actually, even I would be.

When the meal has clearly been skimped on. FEED US! We have to have full stomachs for the drinking and dancing.

Ahhh foot in mouth I must have skimmed over the no alcohol bit!

I think a dry wedding is so refreshing! If people can't abstain for one day then they clearly have a problem with alcohol.

warmth!! We had a marquee wedding in September last year, it was blowing a gail and freezing, the venue were atrocious and kept refusing for various reasons to put it on until I had a total hissy fit and told the woman EXACTLY what she was going to do. I spent the breakfast with a coat on, blankets around my legs and all guests had coats on, so many left before the heating was put on and it really did ruin the day. We packed up and left at 10pm and carried on the party in the garden at home (luckily large garden with people camping) www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowUserReviews-g315979-d1020655-r309199489-Mill_House-Louth_Lincolnshire_England.html#CHECK_RATES_CONT (Yes I am that bitter I'll share my bridesmaids review!!)

OP dry weddings are fine, I didn't drink at all on my day as I wanted to remember all of it plus I had one hell of a hangover from the night before which lasted until an hour before I arrived at the church

yeah, the food is a biggy... the couple of weddings i've been to when we've had evening invites, and its a 'get here when you get here' kind of thing and we've arrived about 8pm (Started at 7) and there's no food left.

The one, we stayed for an hour and then left to go find food!

The only totally dry wedding I've been to was a huge extravaganza but ruined not because it was dry but because they pretended to serve wine that was actually fizzy grape juice and disgusting, made us wait for two hours for any food, and when the food was finally on our plates, decided to be moved to praise the Lord for another hour before starting to eat congealed food which was tasty an hour earlier. My table had been trying to subtly sneak mouthfuls while the parents of small children ate lots of the "children's" snacks.

Other one had a wet bar just outside the main reception room, but it was such a lovely do hardly anyone bothered with it.

Being hungry - please serve canapes or something early on, especially if people will have travelled across lunchtime.

Being too cold - please don't kid yourself it's warm enough for drinks outside just because there is a sliver of blue sky.

Veeery long ceremonies - no need to squeeze in 5 readings and 6 musical interludes

Being sat on a table with nobody I know - when I've got friends on other tables who I'd love to catch up with

I would be fine with no alcohol but suspect it would mean an early end to the evening and a lot less dancing.

I've been to a dry wedding. I quite liked the idea, as I was pregnant at the time, and it meant I wouldn't be surrounded by pissed people all day. There was a good selection of non alcoholic drinks, including lots of mango lassi, and the food was incredible.

The main problem was, though, that everyone left virtually straight after the meal. Without booze to fuel dancing/chit chat/mingling, people stood around awkwardly and then decided to go home. DH and I were some of the last to leave and we were home by 6pm IIRC.

I guess it's quite sad that as a culture we need booze to make social situations flow better, but that's the way it is. It's not even about being pissed, it's more about the way booze affects the flow of an event itself.
If there's a bar, it's a focal point. People offer to buy each other drinks, get chatting there, and stand around holding glasses of champagne etc. Without the lubricant of booze - at least at the wedding I was at - people just didn't mingle. They sat at their tables with juice and then went home.

I'm not sure how you can tackle that without it looking awkward. Magicians are cringey. I'd be up for an "organised" dance, ceidlih style, to get people up and moving, but I know my DH and most of my friends would be aghast at the idea of dancing without a pint or two for courage. It's a tricky one!

Aside from the booze issue, just to echo what others have said - make sure there's lots of food, avoid hanging around, don't do endless staged photos and also avoid bloody twee "sweetie buffets." They're everywhere these days and are a bit of a cliche IMO - better things to spend money on!

Just to echo what lots of people have already said, really.
Stuff to do during the "changeover" bit and plenty of food.
Worst wedding I ever went to was my cousin's. He got married at 12, and did photos etc at the church. Then we had to all drive to the reception for 1:30 (so obviously everyone went straight there) but there was a mix up (don't know whose fault) and the room wasn't ready until 3:30, so everyone just sat in the bar getting slowly drunk. There were NO canapies or any kind of food.
We got into the room at 3:30, and there were tables with our names on, but they were not set/no cutlery and a paid bar, with just sparking water on the tables.
Then they did the speeches, which lasted about an hour. Then we were told we were free to mingle in the room until 6pm, when we would need to go into the bar again so they could turn the room ready for the evening do at 7.
There was NO FOOD! NONE. The evening buffet was at 9pm.
So I'm told anyway. I was long gone before then.
It was to save money - the venue actually ended up putting a notice up in the bar stating that the lack of wedding breakfast etc was the bride and groom's choice, and not something the venue would ordinarily do!

So yes - food and entertainment.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest having no alcohol. Totally respect your choices.

Brides and bridesmaids plastered with make-up make me feel a bit uncomfortable, like I've wandered by mistake onto the stage during a pantomime performance. Is the person I know underneath all that slap?

Regarding non alcoholic drinks, making sure there's some low/non sugar options would be very helpful - not just for diabetics but also having very sweet fizzy and fruit juice based drinks all day might get a bit sickening?

For example, mineral water steeped with fresh fruit or cucumber? Or grated fresh ginger and lemongrass?

I'm happy with no alcohol but I pine if I can't get access to tea and coffee.

I went to one wedding with a help yourself coffee and tea bar with a big hot water urn and supplies to make your own drinks. I loved it.

Long weddings are hard work.

Thinking back to some of the many weddings I have been to, the things that stand out are:

The one where there was no music. None during the brides entrance to the ceremony or when they left at the end. It just felt really flat. There was also none at all during the milling around during the photos or reception meal. At about 9pm a wedding DJ turned up with Steps Greatest Hits and made us all nostalgic for the silence...

The one where no one knew what was happening.
We were just told to be at a certain church at 12 and then everything else was a total surprise after that. Ushers didn't have a clue! Turned out everyone was going back to her parents farm where there was a marquee. A bit of advance notice do we could have arranged taxis and not had to drive would have been nice.

The one with the inappropriate best mans speech.
Otherwise lovely wedding but the best man started making jokes about the size of the Grooms knob and just went on and on about it. The entire room went deathly silent out of sheer embarrassment. In the end the groom told him to shut up and thankfully he did...

The one with the 2 hour church ceremony
Looking at the wedding timings I thought there was going to be a long gap between ceremony and wedding breakfast. In fact, the Catholic wedding ceremony went on for over two hours with a very zealous priest who harangued non believers. I wish i had been informed what was going to happen as I would have made the choice not to attend, it was completely tedious.

Lack of non-alcoholic alternatives in the drinks supplied or purchasable. Especially if it's a hot day.

No nibbles if a long wait whilst photos being done.

Photographers who get in the way and are too flashy with their gear/lie down in the middle of the aisle to be arty. Or who are pushy to the point of rudeness. I don't expect to be demanded to fetch husband from toilets because there's a gap at the table. Wait a few moments!

Lack of audibly during the service - mostly only a problem in outdoor weddings.

Receiving lines... Just why???

Dry wedding? Yeah I think that maybe that wouldn't be super cool unless everyone is on the same page. If you've spent £400 on train tickets and accommodation, I'd want to have a drink with my family and friends and enjoy the day. Yes it is only one day - but it is a big social day. I'd rather have a drink then, than a drink at home on my own on a Tuesday evening!

Those cringeworthy poems about wanting money instead of gifts!

All day weddings are a bit tiring.

We got married at 3.30pm Violet so very little hanging about for anyone.

My wedding bugbears are being put on tables for the Reception with people I barely know, and the only option for the first drink is a tray of horrible Pimms.

Not mad keen on those weird favour things either.

Oh and staying in a hotel I would never stay at in a million years normally.

I have been to a few weddings and my favourite were the ones that really felt like the bride and grooms personality were present. Do what you will enjoy and hopefully your guest will too.