AIBU to ask about your wedding bugbears?

[coralpig]

We are getting married next month and my goal is to make sure people are happy and comfortable. What has annoyed you about weddings you've been too? what tiny details were lovely and which were pointless and annoying.

Thanks :)

Yes to food. There's a wedding that is the stuff as legend in our extended family because everyone remembers it as the one where we were absolutely starving.

I don't mind a longish drinks reception if there are decent and plentiful canapés. One had cupcakes as well, which was great for substantial stodge. Another had a sandwich buffet. The best was the one with millions of canapés.

And yes to decent options for the veggies. Was at a wedding where the food was shared mixed platters, and veggie DP barely got to eat anything.

Long drinks reception with no food- put out some nibbles!
Having to hang around outside the venue- crap if it's hot or cold
Poor veggie food- I had a plate of beans once and nothing at another because they did fish with no starter or pudding.
Paid bar all day- at least put a bit behind the bar to start with.

6 months before I got married we attended a wedding where the drinks reception started at 2pm (wedding was at 1pm) the meal wasn't served until 5pm and no canapés were offered in between. We were absolutely starving!! After that I made sure that we had loads of canapés with drinks for our guests before the meal. The worst thing for me would have been our guests to complain about lack of food and drink.

Oh yes, letting people know in advance if the bar is cash only!

It's a dry wedding (for religious and personal reasons) I know this is very out of the norm in the UK. Have tried to throw in lots of entertainment so hoping it won't be too disappointing for our guests and we have warned them. Have we doomed ourselves to failure?

I appreciate this one is a bit tricky, but making sure single friends who may not know other guests get a brief introduction? The wedding I went to was for a friend I hadn't seen in years, and I was going without a 'plus one' - she and her sister made sure I was introduced to other guests, who in turn made sure I felt really included, despite initially not knowing anyone there apart from the bride - it was really lovely as I'm a bit shy!

My only bugbear is that I never ever get invited to weddings!

I don't mind a paid bar, I expect it. I clearly don't mix with the sort of circles that can afford otherwise

FOOD

I will never forget the misery of a wedding we attended in the middle of nowhere with tiny portions, long waits, and no veggie buffet food in the evening at all. I'm sure it was a lovely day but my main memory is hunger and having to make something to eat when we got home at midnight.

Do people know that it's a dry wedding in advance? It wouldn't stop me coming, but I'd probably rather know what to expect!

Don't spend money on stuff like favours and ribbons on chairs which match the bridesmaid dresses, at the expense of money spent on feeding and watering the guests.
No guests care about colour schemes etc, regardless of any polite noises they might make. Truly they don't. They will care if hungry or thirsty though.

I get married next month too!!!
But yes, definitely food, I went to a reception a few years ago and there wasn't much of a buffet, and what was there wasn't very nice. We Quite a few guests ended up leaving and going to McDonald's

Don't spend money on stuff like favours and ribbons on chairs which match the bridesmaid dresses, at the expense of money spent on feeding and watering the guests.
No guests care about colour schemes etc, regardless of any polite noises they might make. Truly they don't. They will care if hungry or thirsty though.

Don't spend money on stuff like favours and ribbons on chairs which match the bridesmaid dresses, at the expense of money spent on feeding and watering the guests.
No guests care about colour schemes etc, regardless of any polite noises they might make. Truly they don't. They will care if hungry or thirsty though.

I disagree that you need to put money behind the bar, every wedding I've ever been to no-one expects free drinks and you expect to have a paid bar. Just saw you are having an alcohol free wedding OP - your choice of course but you're right, not the norm!

Oops sorry, I don't care enough to say it 3 times.

Alconleigh done this sooo many times....

We put it on our invitations and have clarified for those who have asked. I'm Muslim and from a different culture so naively didn't realise it would be that much of a problem for people to abstain for one day and our venue threw in extra canapés in lieu of the alcohol. We are having a magician, live music, lots of food, some games and a photobooth for the kids / big kids to try and make it fun. Fiancé is concerned that some of his side won't be too thrilled about it but I'm hoping it will still be a good day for all involved

yes food - and waiting around

worst wedding I went to there was a 3 hour wait and no refreshments - we all just stood around hungry.

I don't eat meat so nice none meaty food is a bonus

Wine at the table is a nice touch but I never minded paying for drinks. I would however discuss prices with the venue - I don't mind buying a G+T but when the fancy hotel charges £5+ for it I do get a bit fucked off!

Don't worry about it being a dry/veggie wedding OP. i was lucky enough to be invited to a Jain ceremony some years back. I was slightly aghast to see the family had gone to the effort of setting up a bar area for us Westerners to drink booze, when we were all perfectly willing to abstain. It made me feel bad they felt they needed to give up some of their beliefs for us.

Anyway, the point is that people should respect your beliefs enough to be able to control themselves for one day, right?

Is the dry wedding really necessary? I know it's your wedding, your choice, but I think that you'll either get people who leave early or trying to smuggle in alcohol, or may get drunk before coming. It may actually be easier to provide some alcohol to avoid it. Yes, people should be able to go without a drink for one night, but it's not the usual at a wedding.

You are getting married in a month - it's a bit late to change very much 😁

Nice veggie food is always appreciated!

A paid bar is fine, pretty much expected these days, but the cost of the drinks is sometimes ridiculous. One I went to last year it was £9 for a small, very average, wine.

Magicians are my idea of hell, but hopefully your guests will love it.

My cousin had a 'retro sweets bar' that was fun & a friend had croquet set up with lovely cucumber sandwiches 😁 & pétanque.

I don't mind a longer wait between the service & the Wedding Breakfast if there's seating. Having to stand the whole time is horrible. If there is seating make sure the music isn't too loud by it, so people can actually talk.

I don't mind lots/long speeches as long as there's enough to drink & they're either good speakers or it's genuinely from the heart (bit hard for the B&G to control that though!)

Photos - clear instructions from the photographer (via you), vague 'close family' leaves you wondering if they want you in this one or not. Be specific.

Have you considered leaving the cutting of the cake until the evening guests arrive? I think that's lovely & makes evening guests feel a bit more included in the actual wedding.

You've been really thoughtful - I'm sure your guests will have a lovely day. I hope you have a fabulous day & it's everything you hope it will be 💐

Can I butt in here and ask...do weddings HAVE to be almost a whole day?

Do any people ever get married later in the afternoon and have that time then the evening?

I find socialising really stressful for long periods as I have Aspergers. Would it be ok to have a wedding which begins early evening even? And then go on into the night?

worst wedding I went to there was a 3 hour wait and no refreshments - we all just stood around hungry.

I think we were at the same wedding Ghosty. Ceremony was lunchtime, then B&G vanished [photos, it later transpired, but nobody knew at the time] and we were left to find our way to a room where there were some basic sarnies (like sliced white bread and packet ham) - enough for about 1 triangle each. And a cup of tea.

Then nothing till late afternoon when we randomly spied B&G walking towards a large marquee. Inside were some haribo like sweets on tables. Not till late eve did they drag out a sort of BBQ affair.

But by then I was so pissed I couldn't see straight and had to be poured into the cab home.

Can I butt in here and ask...do weddings HAVE to be almost a whole day?

Mine was three hours. Ceremony at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, drinks and nibbles for a few hours. We left at 6pm and most people did the same (some went off in their various groups to have dinner before going home).