AIBU to ask about your wedding bugbears?

[coralpig]

We are getting married next month and my goal is to make sure people are happy and comfortable. What has annoyed you about weddings you've been too? what tiny details were lovely and which were pointless and annoying.

Thanks :)

Sorry, off topic but I misread your title as wedding 'burglars' and it reminded me that one of my guests stole a centerpiece...

Oh, that reminds me.

I was very young, Your Honour (18).

I was at my first proper grownup charity ball, at work. With the other young and underpaid I was seated at a table sort of in the corner. We had a slightly underwhelming table decoration thing, made mostly of moss and ferns iirc and fresh pears (relevant). Other tables had huge displays of lilies or orchids or roses. Still, at least we could see over ours.

There was lots of wine included with the ticket price so everyone was, erm, singing and dancing. Excellent band, dancefloor heaving all night.

Anyway we sort of ate our table decoration because it was lovely pears and there wasn't a lot in the way of soft drinks available.

And then there was an announcement that one could buy one's table centre for fifty quid towards the charity. We looked at each other in horror. And didn't cough up.

I love that you ate the centerpiece MrsHathaway I can't say I wouldn't have done the same...

I was mostly annoyed because I'd actually borrowed mine off a friend of my mums and needed to return them, and had to give her them back one short Evidently I have some dodgy friends.

I do like a drink at social events but if my friend or relative wanted a dry wedding, I would totally respect that and embrace all other aspects of the day. Mock tails and interesting drinks sound great. What is your music set up?great music, for me, can help me overcome any inhibitions. Are you making a feature of your culture? That's always a good talking point and trying something new, maybe an unfamiliar custom is always interesting, especially if it's explained and you are made to feel welcome in it. You sound like you're putting a lot of effort into ensuring your guests enjoy their day. I bet it'll be great

Make the buffet three quarters vegetarian and quite a bit of that vegan and then the meat eaters won't get moaned at for daring to eat a cheese sandwich.

If the buffet has pork pie, sausage rolls and ham sandwiches these are effectively all the same food so I would have a bit of pork pie and then go looking for something different like falafel, a cheese sandwich or salads.

Congrats on your forthcoming nuptials OP! As many before me have said, being well fed is key. Totally respect your choice to have dry wedding, have been to 2 but neither were big success. I think it's because the English way is to get pissed to avoid social awkwardness- God bless the bride and groom that had karaoke as entertainment at a dry wedding..guests simply did not participate which meant 3 renditions of Mustang Sally from the groom. Excruciating. Other one was a lovely day with various fancy non alcoholic drinks but it was over by 9.30pm...without booze, people had no stamina for disco and dancing. So if no booze, much more structure is needed with key activities at intervals to help the day flow.

My wedding bugbears are having nowhere to park/not in taxi distance of a town, and if one person in the relationship is a twat. Nothing worse than a marriage of a lovely friend which you know is doomed as she is marrying an arsehole.

The negative comments about it being a dry wedding are somewhat depressing. Your plans sound thoughtful.

A year before my wedding, we went to one where the ceremony was at 12 and the wedding breakfast at about 8. By the time that finished it was time to head back at about 10pm. We'd had an hour's drive to the church so had brunch at 10:30. We had sandwiches in the car between venues, so that was at about 2. It was then hours of waiting around the bar/ lounge of the hotel with only coffee and biscuits on offer. We were starving and no sign of food.

Our ceremony was at 2 so we suggested a brunch or a nearby pub for an early lunch for those that were travelling a long distance so that people could plan a sensible time to eat. The wedding breakfast was at 6, so it was a reasonable gap of meal times with a good range of canapes between. We put the timing on the invitations so people were prepared.

Irrelevant in this case, but we put shloer on the tables for non drinkers, or just so people could pace themselves. There was extra wine too.

Food, drink and keeping people from feeling bored tend to be the big ones at keeping most happy.

I personally wouldn't want to be anywhere near a magician. Cringeworthy. Don't want to be 'entertained'.

But my biggest bugbear is the table plan. The singles table is just rude. I've been sat on the table with all the kids before too. Just dreadful.

I've been invited to a dry wedding... am dreading it as quite shy and B&G think it's a 'great idea' to mix everyone up... so I'll be on table with strangers. Would much prefer to be sat with family. We don't get to see each other much so would be far better for lots of reasons to be together.

I'm on the fence about the dry wedding. Am perfectly capable of not drinking but do actually think it's a bit rude not to embrace both cultures and accept the way that all guests like to celebrate. If YOU don't want to drink fine. If YOU are a veggie fine. But why expect others to do as you do... especially when your DH and his family do drink. You are alienating your non-muslim guests.

I went to an enormous wedding recently where the Bride and groom went round each and every table during the reception and made sure they spoke to every single guest. I'm not sure how much of their wedding breakfast they ate themselves!
I've been to weddings where your contact with bride is a hurried "love your dress" across the room, or even less!

'If YOU don't want to drink fine. If YOU are a veggie fine. But why expect others to do as you do... especially when your DH and his family do drink. You are alienating your non-muslim guests.'

I dont think you really understand?
These are beliefs not just random affectations. If you dont believe meat or alcohol are right then you wont want to finance them at an event you are hosting. Its not about culture its about not paying for something you believe to be morally wrong.

I wont be having meat at my wedding! People can bring their own meat if they want but to expect me to pay for meat when i dont believe that is morally right is not on. Can you not see that would be making someone act against their principles? Its not a big deal for a meat eater to eat a veggie meal because meat eaters do also eat veg usually. It is a big deal to ask someone vegetarian to purchase meat.

I don't mind the dry wedding, I would sneak a bottle of vodka in

This is the job!

My biggest bugbear is lack of seating during the drinks reception. This has happened at nearly every wedding I've ever attended. I don't mind waiting whilst pictures happen etc. but standing around juggling drinks and canapés for an hour plus becomes tedious. I don't often wear heels but sometimes do on formal dress occasions and that obviously makes it worse! Having somewhere to perch in between mingling makes all the difference to my enjoyment.

I'm a teetotal non-Muslim. There are a lot of us about. Also plenty of people capable of going one evening without a drink even if they like a Cab Sauv all the other days of the week.

There might be less Macarena and karaoke as a result, and people might leave sooner than if they were drunk, but that doesn't mean the wedding is unbearable unless you yourself are unbearable.

I find the idea of a guest being unable to last a wedding without an alcoholic drink really rather pathetic. This country has a seriously fucked up attitude to alcohol.

OP, your wedding sounds lovely. Have a fabulous day.

Long waffly speeches!

There should be a law about no wedding speech lasting more than 10 minutes, and 5 would be better except for the very, very few.

Disco or band later on - music so loud that nobody not on the dance floor could hold any kind of conversation. Once had to go outside in the drizzle in order to be able to natter with a sister in law I hadn't seen for ages.

This has been a gripe with a lot of guests at 2 weddings I've been to in the past few years.

OP, I hope you don't feel concerned about some of the negativity towards your alcohol free wedding. Thankfully MN isnt representative of your family and friends who are going to help celebrate your marriage. I am shocked that people seem to struggle with the concept of respecting another's religious beliefs for what, 10? 12 hours?

Your wedding sounds fabulous. Have a wonderful day!

Gift lists and 2 tier weddings are my bugbear. Both completely rude in any other context than a wedding for some reason.

A dry wedding is fine, if I was attending a Muslim wedding I certainly wouldn't expect booze. But please, ditch the magician. Their tedious card tricks are only tolerable after a drink or ten.

And although I say a dry wedding is 'fine', unless I was very close to you I probably wouldn't be going out of my way to try and attend. Yes I know that will appall some Mumsnetters but that's just the way it is (and I'm not even a heavy drinker). I've been to a NI dry wedding, it was hard work!

I have played in bands at zillions of weddings over the last 25 years.

I am really disappointed when there are no cups of tea with the buffet. Especially when the wedding cake is out on the buffet. You can't have cake without tea. You just can't!!

And freezing marquees. I hate freezing marquees.

am dreading it as quite shy and B&G think it's a 'great idea' to mix everyone up... so I'll be on table with strangers.

I hate this shit. I don't want to be stuck on a table with Bob from accounts at your work. I don't need to be introduced to 'new friends', and the chances that I will have anything in common with these people is slim to none. I really think couples do this so that the only mutual topic of conversation is about them.

And child free invitations that are 'doing you a favour and giving you a night off'. So I need to spend a couple of hundred on a babysitter, make sure I'm home by a certain time just for the benefit of you so generously giving me a night off. If you want a child free wedding, that's fine, but don't try and dress it up as doing me a favour. It's a pain in the arse, and you're not doing me a favour, you're just too cheap to pay for the kids.

We were at a wedding yesterday. No favours- they spent the money on food instead. Lots of canapés at the drinks rece6and lots to drink at well - it just kept coming out. Some weddings they obviously have a limit of a glass or 2 for a couple of hours. The food was really good. Plenty of safe space for children to run around in is also great - there was loads yesterday along with outside games. The DC had a ball. Entertained and happy children make for a less stressful day.

Yesterday wasn't a dry wedding but if it had it would have been equally lovely as lots of thought had gone into making the day fabulous. And short heartfelt speeches- i missed the best man's as I was cleaning up my 3 year olds poo accident. Really didn't take that long!

Please do make sure there is plenty to drink. I know that it is a dry wedding but please make sure it isnt a desert! I am often the designated driver so more than happy with no alcohol but if it is warm people will get through a lot of soft drinks.

Remember to enjoy it! As a guest I really want to see a happy bride a groom not two people looking anxious and stressed.