To not go back to this playgroup...

[Biscuitbrixit]

...after seeing a parent smack their 3yr old?

He was throwiing toys, she told him not to, he threw them again, she told him again, he threw them again, blah blah blah, went on for ages just remove him from situation ffs
She got all shouty & eventually, after about half an hour of him throwing toys and hurting kids she went over, picked him up by the arm, smacked his bum, yelled at him and sat him on a chair, then walked away, back to her friends. She's with a group of parents who tend to all sit together in a corner and let their kids roam free, no one really paying attention until someone gets hurt.

I was kind of sitting with my friend, thinking wtf!

Eh what alas? So you think it's okay to smack "genuinely naughty" kids with shoes in the current generation?

I'm afraid there is something wrong with using violence even as a last resort. Kids copy what you do. Do you want them using violence as a last resort when they get in an argument with their friends?

I think if you got your first lines of defence a bit more organised you wouldn't need a last resort. What are you doing? Time out? Then do it. Do it again if they repeat the behaviour. Do it consistently for the same behaviours for a few weeks or months. If it's still not working for you, try a different approach then.

I don't smack. Well, I did once in utter desperation and was immediately overcome with regret, but I don't really get all the angst. Everyone I know smacks (not routinely, but as a last resort), I'm seen as the weird one for not doing it (and I'm pretty sure I'm judged for it as well because my son's behaviour is extremely challenging). My kids have seen others get a smack, they've heard their friends talk about getting a smack but they've never once said to me 'why is that mum hitting that boy?' or anything like that.

As damaging behaviour goes, I think it's far from the worst thing you could do to a child. eg years ago I saw a poster say that to discipline her children she utterly blanks them, doesn't speak to them or engage with them until they apologise for what they've done etc because she doesn't believe in shouting. Personally I think that's far more damaging behaviour, but she was very proud of it as it wasn't smacking.

I also strongly suspect that a lot more people have smacked than admit to smacking. I mean, if someone asked me I'd say that I don't smack, because as a general rule that's true, and I don't intend to do it again. But it's not strictly true because I did once.

I'm with you Alas

That's just totally wrong alas I just don't get it. If my dd is heading towards the oven I pick her up & say something along the lines of 'oh no that's hot, ouchy ouchy!' I've removed her by picking her up, and then I've explained. She's nearly 3 now and knows exactly what hot means. Never have I felt the need to smack!
But I also don't agree with time outs & naughty steps though.

Narky and argumentative biscuit

How is biscuit being narky? I think she is right.

Yabu, people use smacking as a form of disapline, you may dislike it, but that's no reason for you to refuse to attend the setting because if this one incident.

A lot of you in this thread against smacking have said you'd rather your children weren't exposed to that but how long do you expect to shelter them from the more unpleasant side of things?

Now, don't take this out of context. I'm in no way suggesting that exposing children to excessive violence etc is at all the right thing to do. But the world is sometimes not nice at all. There are much worse things out there than a disciplinary smack. I think you need some perspective.

Alas, and you completely don't connect the violence between your siblings to the violence from your parents?

No dutch

Well said! I hate hate hate seeing kids being smacked, I wish it would be outlawed!

The thing that upsets me most is seeing kids getting smacked because they've smacked someone else. They're just doing what you've taught them to do and then punishing them for it!

Alas, I get that it's normalized for you, but hitting another person is violence. Hitting with a shoe, definitely so. Clearly it worked really poorly for your parents as you were in your own words "genuinely naughty" and from your description out of control and violent.
Just stop a sec and have a think about cause and effect here.

The thing is that this smack as described by the OP was not "a last resort", it was ineffectual and non engaged parenting with a lot of "stop", "don't do it" and no explanation or distraction given.

I would have pulled DS away not said "no don't do that dear" increasingly loudly while not really engaging with him.

They smack other children because they've been taught that that's what you do if someone does something they don't like.

you know not all parents who used smacking as discipline end up with violent kids
I've never hit anybody in my life and neither has my dh.
None of my friends neither...

Do as I say don't do as I do? Or hitting is only okay if you're bigger and stronger than the other person? I can't see any way it's sending an acceptable message.