To not go back to this playgroup...

[Biscuitbrixit]

...after seeing a parent smack their 3yr old?

He was throwiing toys, she told him not to, he threw them again, she told him again, he threw them again, blah blah blah, went on for ages just remove him from situation ffs
She got all shouty & eventually, after about half an hour of him throwing toys and hurting kids she went over, picked him up by the arm, smacked his bum, yelled at him and sat him on a chair, then walked away, back to her friends. She's with a group of parents who tend to all sit together in a corner and let their kids roam free, no one really paying attention until someone gets hurt.

I was kind of sitting with my friend, thinking wtf!

spot on Salmotrutta

Biscuit:

I know what you mean but we need to be brave about these things. Sorry - don't mean to be patronising... To see a child being struck by any adult is horrible as is to hear a parent/adult shout at or berate a child. If it happens in public, I often think, what might be going on in private?

Dutch etc:
Why the sarcasm. Do you think it's ok to hit a child? Do tell.

Correction:
Why the sarcasm?

Tbh I shout/scold/berate/tell off my kids more in public than I do at home. At home I walk away, tell them to catch themselves on, take myself off into a different room, deal with it in a different way but when I'm out I tend to lose my temper/scold slightly quicker. In my case if you see me telling my child off in public that's as shouty as it gets, so I'm afraid you'd get short shrift if you decided to challenge me.

OP - when your child starts school it will mix with loads of kids whose parents do things differently to you - use of devices, playing out, what kind of tv shows/films their own children can watch and at what age - you can't just whip your child out of school/ extra activities because it's not something you agree with.

Oh my. The parent did nothing illegal. You may disagree with it but it would be rude at best to challenge. No one should have to justify their parenting choices to a stranger. It would be no less rude than berating a woman who was bottle feeding. We all make choices. She chose to parent differently than you do.

I wouldn't challenge someone who gave their child a smack on the bottom after repeatedly telling them not to do something - just as described in the OP.

I would do something if a parent was repeatedly whacking, slapping or dragging a child and/or screaming abuse in their face.

Because they are two very different scenarios.

Wow OP you should right the first Perfect Parenting book! Myleene Klass and you could be besties!!
Stop being so judgemental.

Give it another go. This might have been a one off.

Why would you not go back? Why would you be so shocked at what you saw?
Some people do smack their kids, you must know that?
I wouldn't and never have.
It would not stop me going to the playgroup. Much better to keep going and let them see how you would handle your child if he/she misbehaves, although I doubt it would make the slightest difference to a smacker.

If you are so appalled, say something!

I'm not being funny here but all of you saying how horrid parents must be smacking their children.
I have smacked my child's bum when she's been incredibly naughty but do not do this on a regular occurrence, it's very rare. however I think judging someone for their parenting choices pisses me off.

Don't go to the play group if it's affected you that much, I'm sure the child is fine and probably won't be throwing toys left right and centre whilst ignoring his mum (who by the way sounds like she did try to ask him to stop SEVERAL times).

I shout/scold my kids in public, but that's because the environment outside of the home has a lot of dangers to small kids. It's precisely because they don't hear me like that normally that they will stop whatever they are doing and behave and stop putting themselves in danger. Think running off in car parks, messing about near hot drinks etc. The only other time I do this is if they hurt another person/child by being naughty and not following an instruction. I've got 3 little ones and there is no time to try and negotiate politely for them to stop what they are doing and please be good. But at the same time if all you do is shout because you're having a bad day then the kids will just pick up on this and run rings around you.

Whenever my kids see a different parenting style ,"mummy, why is that boy allowed to climb all over the bus seat with his shoes on?" Etc I say that's up to his parent and it doesn't mean that they are allowed to do it because another child is. Same with smacking, "why is that child being smacked?" Because that's what that child's parent does when they've been naughty but it's not what we do.

there really are worst things than smacking you know. I know its a hugely emotive topic on here (there are so many!).

Dutchcourage

Parenting style is a choice. Not up to you to choose for another parent. After seeing the so called feral children on this morning yesterday that are all over the papers, I have to admit I wanted the children to be at least told off but it's not for me to judge.

We all have opinions on parenting and we all judge. The difference is some people state their opinion and others don't.
Doesn't mean you don't judge if you are not vocalising it.

I was completely at the lotus birth and carrying the decomposing placenta about for days. But still not my child, not my choice.

True but I suppose but I wouldn't not go to a playgroup or confront someone if I didn't like their parenting style.

The child in question was hurting other children - is a smack really that terrible if all else has failed? I'm not saying it should be a first resort, but a mild physical rebuke isn't completely disproportionate if the child is being physical, and surely it's worse to allow the child to continue hurting other children? I'd be pretty horrified if a parent did nothing while their child was hitting mine, so while I might not agree with how it was dealt with, at least it was dealt with eventually! She was probably embarrassed and at the end of her tether and didn't know what else to do.

If the staff smacked a child then that would be a different matter.

if it happens in public, I often think, what might be going on in private?

Was thinking exactly this^^. Surely you should be able to keep your cool a bit more than this at playgroup.

Hitting another person is wrong. That's what I teach my child. Excuse it all you like, use minimising language if you like, call it a 'parenting style' if you want - it's wrong, and Britian is definitely out of kilter as many countries including most of Europe have made it illegal. And yes, I have hit my child. No excuses, no 'it was 'just' a 'smack'', I hit her and it was wrong, I apologised and I try my damndest to ensure it won't happen again. I doubt those who grew up in a culture where hitting children simply wasn't on the cards grow up to be hitters. DH was never hit, and he would no more hit DD than fly in the air. Me, on the other hand... .

My best friend smacks her kids and screams at them sometimes. I'm not going to suddenly stop being her friend because we parent differently. I don't see how this is an issue.

Hysterical parenting klaxon

For goodness sake, a mother was giving her child a smacked bum. Maybe your world stopped turning at that point, but I'm sure he will survive.
When did we become so judgemental and sanctimonious that the sight of this caused a fit of the vapours and caused you to rinthink your choice of groups because all the parents did not come up to your high standards.
You may or may not smack your child - who cares but you? To suggest you should intervene and share your obviously superior childcare skills is breathtaking arrogance.

Smacking is the one area where I don't mind saying that yes, I think my parenting is superior because I choose not to use physical violence against someone smaller than me.

I am not perfect, my children can be challenging, I can lose my cool and make mistakes. But hitting is hitting and it doesn't happen in my family.

As a one off, in a stressful situation, I wouldn't judge that person, mistakes are made by everyone and no one is immune. However, someone who thinks it's just a different parenting style and would actually argue for it's being ok as an option, yes I do. They should read a book, ask for help and choose something different. It's not ok.

I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who regularly hit their children any more than I would be friends with man who slapped his wife about.

Well said satsuki.