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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go back to this playgroup...

207 replies

Biscuitbrixit · 20/07/2016 20:29

...after seeing a parent smack their 3yr old?

He was throwiing toys, she told him not to, he threw them again, she told him again, he threw them again, blah blah blah, went on for ages just remove him from situation ffs
She got all shouty & eventually, after about half an hour of him throwing toys and hurting kids she went over, picked him up by the arm, smacked his bum, yelled at him and sat him on a chair, then walked away, back to her friends. She's with a group of parents who tend to all sit together in a corner and let their kids roam free, no one really paying attention until someone gets hurt.

I was kind of sitting with my friend, thinking wtf!

OP posts:
ailith · 21/07/2016 18:14

Satsuki:

Well said. I wholeheartedly agree.

UmbongoUnchained · 21/07/2016 18:15

Our children are very different too. Her child only responds to that kind of thing where as mine doesn't ever really need telling off. Scream was the wrong word too I meant shout.

WaitrosePigeon · 21/07/2016 18:17

no one ever died of smacked arse

Comment of the day Grin

Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:26

I'm with satsuki I do judge when I see a child being smacked, or have physical force put upon them i.e. Being dragged the road along at adult pace, picked up forcefully.

I don't get all the 'stop being judgy' posts. EVERYONE judges at some point. Just people to choose to judge different things. I choose to judge a parent who uses physical violence upon their child to prove a point or discipline (hate that word!)

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 21/07/2016 18:29

Smacking is still perfectly legal in the uk , there is no need for hysteria.

Dutchcourage · 21/07/2016 18:34

Well op how many times have you intervened when you have seen this? If you feel that strongly about it how many times did you say 'stop'?

Justmeagain78 · 21/07/2016 18:35

It can be quite upsetting to see a small child yelled at and hit whatever the context. She should have just taken him home. I was never a fan of playgroups personally but if you're otherwise enjoying this one then I wouldn't stop going if it's an isolated incident. Was probably just a mum reaching the end of her tether - I'm always amazed we don't see more of it to be honest, parenting amd discipline is incredibly difficult.

Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:36

I also agree with soeverybody The friend I was sitting with has a 3yr old who is going through a hitting phase, which my ds who's now 7 went through at that age. She's struggling with dealing with it, and then he witnesses a parent, at playgroup smacking a child, in his eye just like he does. How is it okay for her to do it and not him?

OP posts:
Zame · 21/07/2016 18:37

I wouldn't describe a smacked bum as violence, get a hold of yourself. I had a smacked bum when I was little. It never ever hurt.

Zame · 21/07/2016 18:37

Also, has not in any way affected my relationship with my parents

Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:39

dutch this is the 1st time I've seen a child being smacked at any playgroup I've been going to in 7yrs

OP posts:
Dutchcourage · 21/07/2016 18:39

So op once again - how many times have you intervened?

Because if I felt a child was being abused I would do. How many times have you said 'stop'?

Or just sat there slack jawed gagging to run on here and start a judgey thread

Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:40

jistmeagain this is how my friend deals with her ds hitting. If he carries on they go home and she sticks to it. I have done this in the past with my ds when he went through the hitting stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:41

Remove from the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:42

dutch you can probably tell from my op that I didn't intervene Hmm

OP posts:
swelchphr · 21/07/2016 18:44

Wouldn't put me off. Don't be a judgey judge. If you saw her repeatedly or forcefully spank them multiple times, that's one thing, but it isn't going to scar the child having received a pat on the bum to correct their behavior. She made several attempt to have them stop prior to that.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 21/07/2016 18:44

I don't think light smacking is wrong. For really really naughty things.

Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:46

I can't ever imagine intervening tbh in this situation. As op's have said, it is legal in this country so there's not much I could say, which is sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 18:47

And judging by this thread I'd come across as a loon, as it seems like it is completely normal Confused

OP posts:
29redshoes · 21/07/2016 18:59

I think I'd be more bothered that she allowed him to stay there throwing toys and hurting other children for so long, than I would by the smack.

Dutchcourage · 21/07/2016 19:01

So it can't be that bad because if it was instinct would she over and I'm assuming your would intervene.

Your just judging because it's not how you parent.

29 yes me too. I have a nephew who is allowed to get to this point. It's major biting lip time.

Dutchcourage · 21/07/2016 19:02

Instinct would take over **

Shallishanti · 21/07/2016 19:03

OP, you wouldn't seem like a loon to me- although perhaps a bit misguided as I wouldn't expect anything good to come of intervening, as you probably think too since you didn't say anything.
My dcs are all adult now but I can't recall seeing a child hit at a playgroup. It would make me feel very uncomfortable to see that, and so if it happened often I wouldn't return. I'd also have to deal with dcs asking 'why is that woman hitting that little boy' - hard to answer honestly when small children see everything in black and white.

Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 20:03

It's bad enough to me dutch to consider not taking my dd to the playgroup again. I understand that people parent in different ways, it is not my place to intervene if it's something I don't approve with. Just like in this case, it is not my place to intervene. Instinct has nothing to do with it. As pp have said, it is a normal/common way to parent Confused.. Goodness knows why! But it is.
The situation made ME feel uncomfortable, which is why I'm asking if I am bu to not go back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Biscuitbrixit · 21/07/2016 20:06

I am judging. I'm sure people judge me on some of my parenting... My 7yr old still co sleeps for example. But I don't care, it works for us. I'm sure this girl at playgroup doesn't care that I judge, as it seems to work for her. But it still makes me uncomfortable to watch a 3yr old get smacked, when it would have been more sensible to just remove him, either by sitting him on mum's knee, taking him outside or taking him home.

OP posts: