Hotel etiquette

[trinity0097]

AIBU to think that if you are in the lobby/bar of a 'naice' hotel you don't let your 5 year old run around and around screaming around the their guests who are trying to have a quiet pre/post dinner drink without doing some parenting to get him to behave more appropriately? E.g. Distracting him with something else or taking him outside to run around?!

'It's their holiday as well.'

Do people actually say this?

It's your holiday, child, from consideration for others, respect for adults and strangers and ability to quietly entertain yourself without demanding universal attention?

Is that what holiday means for children?

Why not just let them roam naked and feral around the nearest contained wasteland? For the love of God, don't allow them near civilised people.

Can anyone honestly think their children can benefit from learning how to be uncivilised and disliked in public?

This is mumsnet not b@&£h net. Good old day when children were seen not heard?? This kind of thinking gets us nowhere. I would simply go and talk to parents that's all. If you were bothered by it you should deal with it. Simple. Next time go to adult only hotel or holidays or stay at home away from the world. Lobby is a public area not just for adults so yes you are being really bloody unreasonable.

Is everybody else dying to know what b@&£h net was supposed to say?

Oh. Just me, then.

Why does it matter whether is was a "nice" hotel. Children need to be taught to behave wherever they are. I say this as the mother of two under 3. It is bloody hard sometimes but I will leave a place with the children or give the two year old a good talking to outside rather than let them spoil things for others. And it isn't the job of hotel staff to ask children to behave or distract them (although they have every right to do so). That is what parents are for.

YANBU - our DD is just over 2.5yrs and there is no way we would allow her to run around shouting in a "naice" hotel without intervening to make her stop or taking her outside. I hate entitled parenting - it's selfish and arrogant.

Saying that, I was on a night flight home from NYC recently on my own with DD in business seats and after she had finished watching Finding Nemo I thought I'd try and get her down to sleep as she was rubbing her eyes but knowing full well that a melt down might occur if I turned the TV off but I thought I'd try anyway. Sure enough she starts doing that fake wailing which is sooooo annoying and I try to reason with. Within 5 minutes the stewardess is over saying a gentleman has complained. I explained that I was trying to get her to sleep is he for real (I was feeling stressed) she is just 2.5yrs and it's only been 5 minutes can he be patient. She said I know and left. I tried for a minute more "the lady wants you to be quiet and sleep etc." knew I was beaten and started to turn the TV back on and select another film when said "gentleman" storms over and starts shouting at me! He said that I was rude and arrogant. That I wasn't a nice person. That I should have taken her to that area near the toilets till she stopped. That I was a bad mother and he'd had 3 children and knows what he's talking about. I was so gobsmacked I didn't say anything back. He left and she has stopped as the film has started by now. I wanted to cry. In total she wasn't crying for more than 10 minutes and I had been trying to get her to stop. He had said that she'd been crying from the moment she got on so perhaps there was another little one crying and he got us confused but I didn't hear anything so I think he was nuts and just lied. I get so angry when I remember and even more annoyed that I didn't just tell him to fuck off but I was so shocked that anyone would speak to anyone like that and I was occupied with DD. I really doubt he would have spoken to me like that if my husband had been there but just thought he could as I was on my own.

Sorry for that little (ever so tenuous) rant!

I feel there is a real difference though between unavoidable situations i.e. transport, where there's a real limit to how you can calm a DC down and completely avoidable ones like restaurants or bars.

When DS was younger we would have one course meals, or one of us (usually me) would take him out for a bit once we'd ordered food. When away recently with two other families and DCs we realised we'd pushed our luck slightly on a leisurely 3 course dinner so we got out colouring books for the younger ones and a pack of cards for the older ones.

With a plane trip it's a lot different as there isn't anywhere you can effectively remove your DC to, plus some people have unreasonable expectations and effectively expect DCs to be invisible for many hours.

My four year old attempted a shrieking tantrum on a campsite recently. It lasted approximately 14.5 seconds as I came out of the tent and gave her the 'look.' In a hotel? Not bloody likely. No way would I tolerate that.

Dd2 kicked off in a restaurant on holiday. As soon as she did I took her outside. A sharp conversation about a lack of ice cream ensued and we came back in. She's 2.

I am by no means a perfect parent but mine know how to behave in public even if the last two points belie that fact

Sorry haven't read full thread, so apologies if I now repeat something said by someone else. Are you sure that the parents weren't preoccupied with another issue at check in? Agree it's not nice to have your drink disturbed, but in the wider scheme of things, was your minor annoyance really that big an issue? Do you know if the child had learning difficulties? Are you sure that there wasn't something else going on? Or if actually the child annoying you was actually a little boisterous and the parents were unaware that entertaining themselves had crossed the line?

I have two children and mostly I am very 'on it', but I am away right now and we are struggling with our children's unusually bad behaviour. The heat, teething and tiredness have caused many a meltdown and sometimes we are little split up. I have been letting my youngest run around (safely), with supervision because chasing him or telling him off have backfired. Sometimes a minor level annoyance explodes into something huge and ugly if I attempt to stop him

Nevernic, it has continued for 3 nights, the adults expect the kids to just hang about for a couple of hours whilst they have pre-dinner drinks. The boy is utterly bored and wants attention.

There was this lovely other family the last two nights sat behind us on the terrace, a man with 3 kids, not sure if they were all his or not, but the women were still getting ready upstairs. He had made sure that they had a card game to play, and yes there were a few shrieks of delight at beating one or the other but totally within what you would call normal noise for the venue. When one of the needed the toilet he successfully navigated the lobby without feeling the need to run and shout to visit the loo, he also was about 5 or 6.

That is the type of behaviour/expectation/parenting I expect to see when on holiday in an expensive hotel.

Yes it's 'their' holiday too, but I don't see why their holiday enjoyment should be at the detriment of my holiday enjoyment. It is 'my' holiday too!

In the absence of SN, a child's behaviour reflects the amount of time and effort a parent is prepared to devote to their child. If a child knows the expectations, is taught to respect other people and is provided with appropriate materials then they will usually not behave inappropriately. A bag full of toys, books, and snacks is essential when going out. A happy and engaged child will not annoy others. Of course you do have to parent and cannot expect to spend hours amusing yourself oblivious to child's activities.
I remember an occasion in a public picnic ground when the large group of parents totally ignored their children who set about digging a large hole at the foot of a toddlers slide making it totally unusable. They were a few feet away from the adults and when I pointed out to the parents what was happening they told me they were relaxing and didn't want to know!
Pay back time is when these feral children become teenagers and parents are pulling their hair out.

Trinity -- hope you were able to relax away from the hotel. Especially frustrating when as a teacher you have to cope with noise all year. I agree with you that ordinary childish noises bounce off one but it's the screeching and running around that's disturbing and there's no excuse for it

I haven't read the full thread, but is it possible that they'd just gotten in from a long flight or car trip?

We had an 11 hour flight when DS was 4 and DD 2.3, got to our "naice" hotel about 7pm ish (there time, our time was roughly 3am) when people were sitting for cocktails in the lounge only to be told by check in that they'd lost our booking. Cue a nice long wait in the lobby while DS and DD got more and more agitated from jet lag and being kids. They started running around like hooligans. I was jet lagged and exhausted and trying to sort check in with DH. It was horrid. But shit happens doesn't it.

Thefitfatty - that must have been awful. The OP's situation is different though as it wasn't a one off situation

One family holiday in a naice hotel we encountered parents with attitudes very similar to that described by the OP.

They would turn up in the bar with 2 children under 5 and spend a good hour and a half ignoring them running riot/screeching whilst drinking cocktails before going for dinner in the restaurant.

They enjoyed a 3 course meal but ordered early for the kids. So the children had finished and started running amok again in the bar (next to the restaurant) disturbing everyone else whilst the parents ate their leisurely dinner in peace.

We witnessed the parents actually telling the kids to "play next door whilst Mummy and Daddy enjoy their dinner".

They were repeatedly asked by hotel staff to asked the kids to stop running around/screaming. There would be a cursory chat with the kids "do play nicely darlings" and quiet would reign for 10 mins before it all kicked off again.

It lasted 3 nights (the first I think people were gob smacked, the second offering meaningful stares) before another resident lost their rag on the third night and walked into the restaurant and told them if they wanted the people in the bar to continue to babysit their kids every evening then they better start paying everyone's bar tab; otherwise they needed actually do some parenting.

They did at least have the self awareness to look embarrassed and things improved from there - but it was still surprising to me that it needed to be pointed out in the first place.

. Someone tell me what naice is thoughI keep seeing the word? Is it just nice?

It is a stupid made up word that MNers use to try and emphasise that something is 'posh'
It's just now a rather over used and rather tedious word. The joke was over a few years ago but people still insist on using it.

Why should people go to adult only places??
How about the parents simply keep the kids with them?
It's not just their holiday.
Do people have any idea what it's like for the staff??
Lttle kids running around might be fun for the parents, not for the staff trying to dodge them with drinks/food/other items