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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel etiquette

217 replies

trinity0097 · 17/07/2016 18:10

AIBU to think that if you are in the lobby/bar of a 'naice' hotel you don't let your 5 year old run around and around screaming around the their guests who are trying to have a quiet pre/post dinner drink without doing some parenting to get him to behave more appropriately? E.g. Distracting him with something else or taking him outside to run around?!

OP posts:
Hereforthebeer · 17/07/2016 20:18

We stay in hotels fairly regularly with our young children, they are now 5 & 6 but we have stayed all their lives.
They have basic manners, they sit at the table for the entire meal, say 'please may i get down' and say 'please and thank you' when asking for food and if they are rude, we quietly address it.
They have fun, we chat/laugh at meal times and talk about what we want to do the next day etc They play, explore etc everything you are meant to do, but don't run loudly shouting or screaming through communal areas.
As with all chldren occasionally there's been an incident/trantrum, but we move them away from everyone and are just generally considerate..
We are always absolutely amazed at how the hotel staff, wherever we stay, always go on about how well behaved they are. I genuinely don't think this is a reflection on our children, but just how bad some other children are allowed to be... As we are always also amazed about the total lack of parenting by about half the family's at any given hotel - which is up to the parents - unless it impacts other people, which in communal spaces it does.

Recently we were in a 5* hotel and there were about 5 children from two family's (prob between about 5 up to 10) running through the restaurant round to the bar, playing chase, again and again (where the parentsgrown ups were having a few drinks), they were so entitled they would have known but they didn't care. There was also other guests including an older couple who were celebrating their 40th anniversary, who were also trying to eat It totally ruined our meals. Then our children started playing up as they wanted to run around too! (because the others were).
It takes a me a while to complain - in this case i did after 15 mins, as you don't want the conflict, and you are there to have a nice time, then once you have complained the staff take a while to work out how to deal with it. Meanwhile - your meal is nearly over.
The hotel staff had to tell the parents that they children weren't allowed to run through the dining room. They did and it stopped for a bit but then started again.. it was as OP says entitled parenting. It was also very inconsiderate, poor parenting. If you are on holiday its about you but it is also about spending time with your family and being considerate to others and these parents clearly just wanted to get smashed with their mates. No one else in that hotel was happy for the period of time they were in the bar.

Roussette · 17/07/2016 20:18

But really... what are the parents going through? It's quite simple - if mine had tantrums, I took them elsewhere. If they got over excited (which they all do), I worked to quieten them down and if the excitement built up to intolerable levels for others there, again I would take them out.

A 5 year old is perfectly capable of understanding when a parent means business, to leave them careering round for 20 minutes is not on.

eggsontoast07 · 17/07/2016 20:19

I also agree with PiSeas on the drunken adult issue!

Unicornsarelovely · 17/07/2016 20:20

Why do people think children abroad are do well behaved? We've just had dinner in a restaurant in France where a toddler howled throughout and then fell asleep and a group of 3-7 year olds from a family party were charging up and down the room. Entitled parents aren't just a British problem.

LockedOutOfMN · 17/07/2016 20:20

As Nanny0gg said, "I like children. I like them playing in play areas. I don't like them screaming and running around in places that are supposed to be calm places where people generally sit in quiet conversation. It's not safe and it's not fair."

Skrewt · 17/07/2016 20:22

and this from another current thread:

*South Kiosk at Martello Park Felixstowe out this status up on Facebook earlier today:

"Can we make ourselves perfectly clear to all parents who are too scared to disipline their children about tantrum screaming. We will give you five lenient minutes to ask the child to stop screaming and then we will ask the child ourselves. If that means you too having a tantrum about our having to speak to your child and hurling threats about not returning – that's really okay with us. We have a duty of care to the rest of our customers."

Cue hundreds of people flaming them on Facebook and 1 reviewing the business

FWIW I am firmly on the side of trinity but this thread goes to show that there are all sorts!!

Armi · 17/07/2016 20:22

I bloody hate this. My friend is a 'wet lettuce' parent - kids rampaging everywhere (including running into restaurant kitchens) while she sits there murmuring, 'Gosh, darling, you are being creative and explorative.'

My five year old sits there and looks at me sideways as if I'm the meanest mummy ever.

Madbengalmum · 17/07/2016 20:22

It truly seems to be the difference between people who parent and people who really shouldn't have children. Why the hell should everybody else have to put up with it. Deal with it and if you cant, remove the child from the area FGS!

Lorelei76 · 17/07/2016 20:24

YANBU
I don't understand why anyone thinks this is okay
I do think hotel and restaurant staff are in a tough spot because the non parenting parents will have a massive go at them if they try to intervene.

Madbengalmum · 17/07/2016 20:27

It is sadly world wide though, not just uk. Some of the worst behaviour i have seen was in the UAE. Many times.

Discobabe · 17/07/2016 20:29

Perhaps all the drunken adults are the last generation of children with wet lettuce parents who never taught them how to behave appropriately? I fail to see how it's relevant anyway, both should learn some respect, it's not like drunken adults are any better or worse than rampaging kids.

Hereforthebeer · 17/07/2016 20:29

skrewt I didn't comment on that one.. but that one ill-thought out outburst from the owner probably after years of observation of poor parenting could have ruined their business.. However, it wasn't the right way to approach it either...

AddToBasket · 17/07/2016 20:30

Mmmmm. I'm on the fence here.

I can think of plenty of intolerant non-parents who believe children should be seen and not heard. I think running around is not desirable but pretty inevitable if restaurants don't serve quickly. It's all a balance.

VanillaSugar · 17/07/2016 20:31

Yabu

They paid to be here, they deserve to express themselves. Children should be children.

Said no one ever.

YaNBU... but you should have stuck out a leg for them to fall over.

MilesHuntsWig · 17/07/2016 20:33

YANBU I would be mortified if my 4 yo behaved like this.

Shizzlestix · 17/07/2016 20:34

Running round restaurants is unacceptable, as is rampaging around the reception area. I don't understand why parents allow their DCs to do this. It ruins the place/meal etc for everyone.

Hereforthebeer · 17/07/2016 20:34

armi I feel your pain - one of my best friends 3 year olds eats standing up on a chair, wherever we are... she doesn't tell him to sit down. I think she's great, but avoid spending time with her sometimes as it causing so much conflict with my children - who after an afternoon with them hate me for not letting them have everything they want - or i end up compromising, as i also believe in fairness so don't think they should watch other children e.g. having a toy for absolutely not reason other than we walked past a shop with toys in it if they don't...

Madbengalmum · 17/07/2016 20:37

Stunned, at the children should be children comments.
This is not a playground,it is a nice hotel with other paying guests should not have to be subjected to such disturbance. End of. Just plain thought and considereation for others. Sadly selfishness is rife.

tobee · 17/07/2016 20:38

I think it's part of a whole culture of "we paid for it, we can do what we like!" Which people seem to think makes them assertive rather than rude or lazy. To me it's like the concept of calling passengers on trains customers. With the underlying threat that if staff or others complain we can sue.

Madbengalmum · 17/07/2016 20:40

Tobee,absolutely agree.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2016 20:40

This behaviour is entitled, rude and exasperating. Who died and made these parents Gods of the world and their children Lords and Ladies?
I've eaten in restaurants with a difficult PEG fed baby, successfully, (he was fed, we ate, no screaming). With other siblings. All managed without screaming, running around or disrupting other diners. If trouble arose (as it usually did with peg child) one parent left with our child and rest stayed to finish meal.
It was an amazing hotel, the staff could not have done more to help us, but our children were our responsibility at the end of the day.
End of.

Lambzig · 17/07/2016 20:42

Hmm, I think sometimes parents can't win though.

DD is brilliantly behaved, always great manners in restaurants and we have taken her to Michelin star places and she has never misbehaved and always enjoyed it. DS is a total nightmare. We don't eat out much with him any more as it isn't much fun - he just won't sit for a meal or behave no matter how we try (and we do, we never ignore it). Recently we have had some success now he is 3 with letting him have the iPad and headphones while waiting for the food or when he has finished only yesterday to be berated by another diner in the restaurant as a "terrible mother for letting him have that at the table - you should be teaching him manners". Made me cry and I think we will just give them a miss until he is 18.

Agree that parents should try their best to calm it down or take them out though.

AddToBasket · 17/07/2016 20:44

Are there parents on this thread?!

Nice hotels are for families too. Parents aren't 'letting their children run around' - they are usually busy at reception or paying for coffe or whatever. Children aren't 'used' to hotels - they are learning too. Holidays are exciting. Your sophisticated city break and my family weekend away will just have to tolerate each other. Yours doesn't trump mine. I'll do my best at getting my children to be mellow - and you can do your best to be mellow too.

BackforGood · 17/07/2016 20:45

I agree with the majority. Everyone should be brought up to understand that they should consider other peoole, and where possible, avoid disturbing them.
There are places for runnning and screaming and shouting, and there are places for calm, quieter,, mlre restrained behaviour. A hotel falls into the later category

Lorelei76 · 17/07/2016 20:45

I probably shared this already but it seems relevant...a mutual friend told my god daughters father he was too harsh and "stifling their creativity' because he clamped down on this shit within seconds, when they were tiny tots.

She was quite serious and got upset when we rolled eyes at her.

Within a few weeks of having her own child, she was saying "actually I'm noticing so many badly behaved kids, you were right to clamp down when the kids were so little".

We refrained from saying "we told you so" but we do still laugh about it now (me and the GD Dad I mean).