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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel etiquette

217 replies

trinity0097 · 17/07/2016 18:10

AIBU to think that if you are in the lobby/bar of a 'naice' hotel you don't let your 5 year old run around and around screaming around the their guests who are trying to have a quiet pre/post dinner drink without doing some parenting to get him to behave more appropriately? E.g. Distracting him with something else or taking him outside to run around?!

OP posts:
Idiotxit · 17/07/2016 23:00

My reply is for idiotixit

so your response is IDEAL if someone lives on a desert island

Confused

To which comment? What response?

And I think the OP said around 20 minutes, not an entire meal or evening. That would be completely different.

Mooingcow · 17/07/2016 23:04

OP, you weren't BU in the slightest.

A hotel lobby where people are having a drink is a place DC should understand they are privileged to be. That only nicely behaved children are welcome. That appropriate behaviour involves sitting quietly and learning that there are times, especially during the cocktail hour, when their presence is tolerated not celebrated.

If that's too harsh, find a different holiday.

Mine all got it sharpish. Thank god.

honkinghaddock · 17/07/2016 23:12

Redactio- My son 'can't behave' but I'm not keeping him at home away from public places because of it.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2016 23:49

Idiot
This comment I was responding to:
Of course it's not great to have a 5 year old running around screaming. BUt I've seen and heard enough to know that you never know what's going on in people's lives and I'll be buggered if I'm going to judge someone on the basis of a few minutes parenting.
*
I couldn't live my life at this pitch. It would mildly irritate me. It would not 'ruin my night' or prevent me from enjoying a drink. I would just ignore it and be vaguely grateful that it wasn't my situation to deal with.*

A few minutes parenting is fine, an entire meal is not. As the op outlined,
I'm vaguely sympathetic that you're vaguely grateful this is not your situation.
As a parent of a child with SN, who cannot tolerate restaurants, I'm agog at your lack of insight. Let's hope it improves with experience. And age.

kali110 · 17/07/2016 23:50

Yanbu.
Just because it's the school holidays or the kids holiday too does not mean that they get to run amok.
Running screaming around guests is not kids being on holiday Confused
Not a chance would i have been allowed to behave like this.
Chatting, laughing yes but running screaming around other dinners not a chance!
Not appropriate.
I feel sorry for the staff.
Imagine if something happened to the one of the kids?
Who would get the blame then?
I used to work in a cafe and the amount of times some (def not all) parents would let their kids run around shocked me.
I was terrified of scolding one of them. (and those trainers with rollers on so you could roll scared the hell out of me! Not appropriate to wear in a cafe!)

kali110 · 17/07/2016 23:53

But it's not 5 minutes, the op said it was 20 minutes. That's not a short time.
It's not just that it could ruin other diners drinks/meals but one of those kids could have had an accident.

Idiotxit · 18/07/2016 00:07

I'm vaguely sympathetic that you're vaguely grateful this is not your situation. As a parent of a child with SN, who cannot tolerate restaurants, I'm agog at your lack of insight. Let's hope it improves with experience. And age

What? I am stunned at your assumptions. You know literally nothing about my family or experiences.

Why on earth - out of the all the comments on this thread - am I drawing your fire for not being outraged about a child running around?

My view on this whole thing is one of tolerance and sympathy and patience.

Please explain to me how simply being vaguely grateful for not being the parent on duty at that time, instead of judging them or calling them shit parents, in the situation as described by the OP is anything to do with any form of intolerance?

I'm all bloody ears frankly.

durezz · 18/07/2016 00:08

We have 3 children under 8. They are usually well behaved I have to say. As for the toddler, she gets annoyed sometimes which is understandable as her level of patience is almost nonexistent.
If our children act up I feel mortified and like everyone is watching me. I sometimes hate feeling like this but our parents taught us consideration of others from a young age and that's how it should be. Why should someone else have to put up with unruly behaviour unless it's behaviour a parent is obviously trying their best to avoid and control.
By far the worst experience I had was on a flight en route to US. Absolutely horrendous and has put me off going again. All I could do was turn around to the people behind us (we were at the front) and sincerely apologise for the screaming and crying during take off. But it has stayed with me and I feel even more aware to not let my children be a nuisance to anyone.
I sympathise OP and hope you've managed to calm down and forget about it.

On behalf of the parents who do try and keep their kids in control, sorry for what you went through! Flowers

thecook · 18/07/2016 00:10

YANBU

coolaschmoola · 18/07/2016 00:11

We're currently on holiday in a nice hotel. Dd (4) is at an independent, screeching stage and is frequently misbehaving. We're all over that shit! She has been removed, had consequences, tonight she wouldn't eat nicely so her plate was removed etc etc. Obviously she has also been lovely and funny and we're having a great time.

By dealing with her behaviour we're making sure it doesn't impact others.

coolaschmoola · 18/07/2016 00:13

Running and screaming in a hotel lobby would earn her a warning, followed by a consequence.

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 00:26

Idoitixit yes hundreds, he's 12 now. Are you suggesting I'm lying? Usually a meal out a week, sometimes 2, and 4 weeks a year where we are abroad and we eat out every night.
And I don't think it's appropriate that you try to undermine my post/opinion, that's just rude, although it would appear I'm not the only one you have offended tonight Hmm

ailith · 18/07/2016 00:28

Post of the thread@Dolores! Brilliantly funny.

ailith · 18/07/2016 00:34

Funnily enough, I read that poster's name as Idiotetc.

ailith · 18/07/2016 00:36

Wish this site had a better Reply system so that you could actually see the post you were replying to.

Sigh

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 00:38

GrinGrinGrin

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 00:39

I totally understood ailith Grin

Idiotxit · 18/07/2016 00:41

Dolores

If you've been told hundreds of times, then excellent, well done. I'm very happy to have drawn attention to your stellar parenting.

kali110 · 18/07/2016 00:52

durezz sounds as if you and i were brought up the same way!

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 00:58

Idiot your sarcasm is excellent, it's also the lowest form of wit. Are you here just to be goady? Seems like it. Go and have a cup of tea dear

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 01:01

P.S. I wouldn't call it stellar parenting, more like bringing him up to the best of my ability to be aware of his behaviour and how it impacts on others, but thanks for acknowledging I have done a good job Grin

Idiotxit · 18/07/2016 01:04

Dolores. You are greatly overreacting to a very mild comment. You are now edging in simply being unpleasant. It's rather unnecessary, and I really think this little spat has probably run it's course.

A cup of tea is an excellent idea.

PickledCauliflower · 18/07/2016 01:11

When my children were going through the horror phase of easy boredom and huge attention seeking, I was reluctant to take them to places where I knew they would try and run riot. I just found it all too stressful.
When they were toddlers, if we were eating out - I always made sure it was on the cheap. A quick in and out and keep the drama and tantrums to a minimum.
Most adults love chatting and lingering over meals in restaurants but kids hate it.
If the weather is good all the better, have a picnic and a play. If weather is rubbish - meals at home are much cheaper and less bloody stressful.

Now that my kids are in their 20s - all that worry is over, but I will be honest here. When we have family meals in a nice place, ordering wine and treating ourselves to a bit of a posh meal - we often have to listen to other people's bored kids screaming their heads off.
I hate it. I'm paying a fortune to listen to bored children crying and stressed parents putting up with it (and I have to also, it seems).
Why put yourself through the stress? I couldn't when my kids were young - it's not like three year olds really need that expensive restaurant experience...

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 01:22

Idiot I hope you are enjoying your tea. I'm not over reacting. You deliberately copied my post and made sarcastic comments and suggested I'm a liar, derailed the thread and annoyed another poster.
Whilst this is AIBU bun fight, why bother trying to upset people who have been asked for their opinion and have provided it at the request of the OP. I see many comments that give me cause for Hmm, but I would never deliberately try to wind people up. Now, I'm going for a cup of tea.

DoloresVanCartier · 18/07/2016 01:24

And having read back the comments its entirely untrue to say I'm verging on unpleasant, the same cannot be said for your comments.