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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hotel etiquette

217 replies

trinity0097 · 17/07/2016 18:10

AIBU to think that if you are in the lobby/bar of a 'naice' hotel you don't let your 5 year old run around and around screaming around the their guests who are trying to have a quiet pre/post dinner drink without doing some parenting to get him to behave more appropriately? E.g. Distracting him with something else or taking him outside to run around?!

OP posts:
blankmind · 17/07/2016 20:45

I think running around is not desirable but pretty inevitable if restaurants don't serve quickly. It's all a balance

There's a fine balance between keeping a child safe and letting them get in the way of waitstaff who are carrying very hot food often on hot plates which, if spilled on a child who runs into them will cause a serious burn/scald. Waitstaff often have plates in both hands and their field of vision and attention is often at table height, not at knee height looking for unruly kids.

Children should not be left to run around anywhere that's not a safe area for them, restaurants fit that criteria.

Madbengalmum · 17/07/2016 20:46

I do think that the attitude that all venues are appropriate for children also needs to be addressed. Nowdays everybody seems to drag their children to all manner of venues, some wholly innappropriate for children and they play up because they are bored etc. Maybe refraining from taking children to certain venues in the first place is the answer until they are sufficiently mature.

foreverandalways · 17/07/2016 20:50

Possibly book a hotel for adults next time!

Bonniethewestie123 · 17/07/2016 20:53

Right. This is my first post on Mumsnet!
YANBU.
Deffo not.
Seriously, I'm lovin' the previous poster's reference to children being seen but not heard....
This would just push my buttons.
And, if it was somebody (adult, child, or, animal!)making noise and disrupting my nice break away in a hotel, I would also be very annoyed.
I am a big believer of not interfering with other people and being mindful of everyones space and distressing right to a nice time out in public without hassle

AddToBasket · 17/07/2016 20:55

Bonnie, do you have children?

Lorelei76 · 17/07/2016 21:00

Mad, yes totally. I've seen a lot of crying tired kids being dragged round places they aren't ready for. Not excusing running around, just an observation.

Redactio · 17/07/2016 21:01

Bonnie, I'm with you.
If people know their children can't behave in hotels and other public places, they shouldn't take them there.
Mainly we have to tolerate this sort of crap because some parents lack the knowledge or willpower to discipline their offspring.

Lorelei76 · 17/07/2016 21:01

I reckon a drunk adult would be told to shut up if the staff felt they were being loud.

yorkstonepatio · 17/07/2016 21:03

Sometimes there are two sides to the story. Last week DH and I took dd (age 3) to a local pub for lunch as her nursery broke up for the summer at lunch time. A couple on nearby table kept shooting us daggers and the man muttered loudly enough for me to hear ' we didn't come out for a nice meal to have it ruined by a child'. I was so upset I wanted to leave but DH wouldn't let me. DD wasn't shouting or running about, or kicking off, or crying. She was sitting at the table laughing and chatting. To be honest it ruined our meal and I probably won't go there again for fear of offending people. The worst part, as we left dd said 'I walked that way not the other way as I mustn't annoy people'. I guess she'd picked up on what was being said.

Some people just don't like dcs and declare them to be causing a nuisance when they really aren't.

NataliaOsipova · 17/07/2016 21:03

One of the things I say the most to my DCs is "There are other people here...". They are generally very well behaved but can get over excited sometimes - and I'm always quick to point out that not everyone else wants to hear them singing on the train or playing a noisy game over dinner. This sort of parenting just shows a complete lack of respect for other people, I'm afraid - and I don't understand why so many places tolerate it. Yes, the kiosk chap on the thread mentioned earlier went too far by grabbing hold of the child, but why in a hotel lobby doesn't the manager come and politely ask that the child be removed? I think far more people would appreciate that than would vow never to darken his door again.

Groovee · 17/07/2016 21:04

BlushBlushBlush numerous...

We didn't take Ds out to dinner until he was about 3 as he screamed all through the meal. He was ok at lunch!

Idiotxit · 17/07/2016 21:04

NIce to know that so many are keen to judge on a snapshot of someone's life.

Of course it's not great to have a 5 year old running around screaming. BUt I've seen and heard enough to know that you never know what's going on in people's lives and I'll be buggered if I'm going to judge someone on the basis of a few minutes parenting.

I couldn't live my life at this pitch. It would mildly irritate me. It would not 'ruin my night' or prevent me from enjoying a drink. I would just ignore it and be vaguely grateful that it wasn't my situation to deal with.

NataliaOsipova · 17/07/2016 21:08

NIce to know that so many are keen to judge on a snapshot of someone's life.

No judgement - other than the fact that it's basic manners to remove your child if they are disturbing other people. I'd feel the same way about someone who sat and talked on a mobile phone through a theatre or concert performace. They may be stressed and busy, but there's no excuse for not taking it outside.

tobee · 17/07/2016 21:19

Ok, hands up who likes to vent on mumsnet after an event like this? Hands up who would do this because they didn't have a word with parents in question because in the back of their minds they worried they might have been punched or worse? Maybe just me. But I'd rather a written ding dong battle on mumsnet then anything physical happening, to any of us.

Idiotxit · 17/07/2016 21:23

There's no way I'd let my kids do this, but I wouldn't be particularly bothered if someone else did. I wouldn't be thrilled, but I wouldn't be 'appalled.' I know that people have shit days and their parenting is less than stellar.

There are some spectacularly judgemental comments on this thread, because people do tend to roll up for a bit of parent bashing.

Ironically, they're probably also all up in arms on the kiosk-lady thread saying how outrageous she is.

AddToBasket · 17/07/2016 21:29

If people know their children can't behave in hotels and other public places, they shouldn't take them there.

Hahaha. Because having children is so predictable and parents should just stay home if their children might be excited to be on holiday. Hahaha.

Where are some actual parents?! Children are just normal children. That will encompass a broad spectrum of behaviour depending on how long they've been on the airplane/train/in the car by the time they get to the hotel.

Nanny0gg · 17/07/2016 21:34

*South Kiosk at Martello Park Felixstowe out this status up on Facebook earlier today:

Just had a look on there.

There are numerous posters doing their damndest, from what I can see, to try to destroy a business.

And I can only see the owners objecting to badly behaved children and threatening to tell them off if their parents won't. Unless I've missed something...

Idiotxit · 17/07/2016 21:39

And I can only see the owners objecting to badly behaved children and threatening to tell them off if their parents won't. Unless I've missed something…

It's fairly obvious that you've missed rather a lot then?

Nanny0gg · 17/07/2016 21:41

What?
Did they actually physically discipline or move a child?

rookiemere · 17/07/2016 21:42

Lambzig - I would try to ignore the i-pad comments. We've always taken DS to nice restaurants ( although by nice they also need to serve plain food so not Michelin starred) .

I believe that our job as parents is to ensure that a) he knows how to behave appropriately and b) he doesn't disturb other diners. I really can't see the big issue in allowing a young child to play quietly on their i-pad for a bit whilst adults eat their dinner, but I know there are others on Mumsnet with different views.

I remember when we were at one of our favourite restaurants in tenerife. After the meal an older couple came over and said that their hearts sunk when they saw DS but he was such a delight as so quiet. Cue cat bum face when I showed her the i-pad.

DoloresVanCartier · 17/07/2016 21:49

YANBU! This behaviour gets my bloody goat!! Worse, defending this behaviour and parenting makes me want to crush a lightbulb into my gullet!!

My DS is far from perfect, in fact sometimes I could gladly lock myself in the toilet for the entire day to avoid him when he's being a real pain in the buttocks but he is 12 now.

I have taken DS on holiday abroad from when he was a baby and into restaurants in the uk. DS was told from a very young age that there is a particular restaurant behaviour which included staying in his seat and never ever running and keeping the volume at a table talking level. Most of this I explained to him was a safety issue in case he was injured or burned but the other rules were because people had paid to be there and absolutely did not want to hear him shouting or squealing. As a result of constantly reinforcing this, we were told on hundreds of occasions what a well mannered and well behaved child we had.
In most holiday resorts there are areas specifically for families and /or children, let them scream and run there. I would never ever dream of allowing my child to run riot in a place where other people had paid to enjoy themselves in a primarily adult area. It's not allowing them to express themselves or explore, it's bloody bad behaviour and it's down right flipping rude!
AND whilst I'm on my high horse Winkthis pish about "it's the summer holidays they need a break too" is a load of bollocks, don't for one minute think that behaviour like this and the enabling by the parents is a one off, that's just naive, and it is the summer holidays and the rest of the holiday makers have paid for it and their break too!!!!

And.... Relax...

Foolscapped · 17/07/2016 22:02

Tbh, if the bar was actually in the hotel lobby which also had the reception desks, porter, concierge etc, and the whole thing measured 30 m x 15m and featured staff busy enough with other customers to intervene, it all sounds a bit cramped and busy to be a particularly relaxing place for a drink, with or without a noisy child.

Idiotxit · 17/07/2016 22:43

don't for one minute think that behaviour like this and the enabling by the parents is a one off, that's just naive

Oh right then.

we were told on hundreds of occasions what a well mannered and well behaved child we had

Gosh, hundreds? That is a lot.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2016 22:52

An entire meal/evening is a bit more than a snapshot and in my parenting experience is usually quite a accurate indicator of the reactions of parents to the behaviour of their children, so your response is IDEAL if someone lives on a desert island.
Otherwise, no. People exist in social situations, we are all trying to minimise the friction and socialise our children, entitlement doesn't help the situation.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2016 22:53

My reply is for idiotixit