Hotel etiquette

[trinity0097]

AIBU to think that if you are in the lobby/bar of a 'naice' hotel you don't let your 5 year old run around and around screaming around the their guests who are trying to have a quiet pre/post dinner drink without doing some parenting to get him to behave more appropriately? E.g. Distracting him with something else or taking him outside to run around?!

I saw something on Facebook about a business somewhere that had a sign saying something along the lines of: "Please keep your children with you at your table and don't allow them to run around the restaurant. Any unaccompanied children will be given Coffee and a Puppy."

I have a young child and when he's at toddling age, I won't be allowing him to scream and run around restaurants and hotels. There is a time and a place (mainly garden/playground etc).

I was always brought up to be polite and to say please and thank you. I don't recall running round in public places screaming my head off as a child. I know if I had tried this, my mum would have put a stop to it pretty quickly.

I've had young children. I'm still a mother of a teen. No, it's not unreasonable. But not just in a hotel lobby. My gripe is with parents of ALL children MOST the time...

Wild kids in the supermarket who look like they've been left to play there all day. Kids on scooters (watch your flippin' ankles as they fly by), kids who are just allowed to scream and even groups of under 10s wandering about shopping centres un-chaperoned by anyone 'responsible' who have no idea of people etiquette (queuing, moving aside for someone else...)

We live in a virtually parentless society! Poor kids...

It's hard to know if you're being unreasonable or not without knowing more about the child or the family. I have a couple of friends with autistic children who find it hard to control themselves. My sister has a learning disability and we caused some 'interesting' noises and scenarios as a family - in supermarkets and caravan parks! Not that I don't find it annoying when kids are noisy, but I tend to try and remember that there might be reasons for it that I don't know about and hold off the judgements.

What happened to good manners?! There are so many people nowadays that do what the hell they want and have no consideration for others. There is a time and place for kids to behave like that, and a hotel lobby is not it. No way would I let my child behave like that.

Absolutely no excuse for that sort of behaviour except lazy parenting. My DS has ASD and he was never allowed to behave like that in a hotel or restaurant and he has been to many in his childhood. He was taught how to behave appropriately and given the attention by us that was required to teach him.

I am loving the suggestions that everyone who thinks it is out of order should go to an adults only hotel.
How about just controlling your kids, and stop being so self absorbed,the world doesnt revolve around them or you!

This evening the parents were sat on the terrace having drinks whilst the boy ran amok inside falling over and hurting himself. They didn't realise and a jet2 rep had to help him up.

Why not bring something for him to do if you are going to sit for hours drinking/smoking. We have had pre dinner drinks, dinner and are now on post dinner drinks and the poor boy is bored out of his mind, no screeching tonight but instead onto attention seeking behaviour like gyrating in the Windows!!! They were here before we went down, so he has had about 2hrs so far of nothing to do! That is crap parenting IMHO.

Those saying its the childs holiday too, yes you are right but quiet time in a hotel lobby is reasonable take your child somewhere child friendly where they can run wild, dont be so lazy get up and take them somewhere or at least tell them to sit down and behave.

What dorisdog says.

I'm a teacher and I try to install in both my class and my own children the importance of manners and standard behaviour. On a recent class trip I laid very strict ground rules about behaviour in the theatre which several decided to forget. So they spent the rest of the trip by me. They lost play the next day.

However, I'm also acutely aware that when a child has additional needs it can be different. On the same trip was an asd child whose mum accompanied them. It was enormously helpful.

I know this because my ds is currently in the process of being diagnosed with asd. His doctor, family worker, teacher and school nurse all agree. Just waiting on the second peadeatrician. I was that parent over the half term. A trip to a hotel for a weekend away was going pretty well until we couldn't get the same table for dinner as we'd had for breakfast because someone else was on it.

Ds started being resistant and refused to move and was heading for a big shouty explosion. Everyone was looking, wondering why a big nine year old was going mad. Tutting. Dd started moaning. I felt like a terrible parent.

Then the gorgeous lovely waitress pointed out the table opposite was symmetrical and the same. I could have kissed her. She was superb, had a younger brother with asd and had noticed that ds was knuckle cracking. She was brilliant with him and saved the evening. Without her I would have had to leave.

It's not always kids being bad. Just be kind and take a second look before you judge.

(I wrote to the hotel commending the waitress. And left a large tip!)

Bus, ds has also been taught manners, but still has the odd freak out. He is charming and polite but has ocd tendencies which really can't always be catered for. We should presumably still be allowed out and about though? I do try to cater for it, but it really hadn't occurred to me to prep him for a table change. Things happen. It was easier when he was small, at nearly a big ten, it's less so.

Manners cost nothing and some parents have their head up their arses when it comes to actual parenting.
It's the kids you feel sorry for, it can't be easy having antisocial parents who don't know how to behave.
My child has adhd, we believe and another has aspergers.
I wouldn't let them behave like this and if it meant me and dh having to eat separately in order to accommodate the child's needs, then we would.
I certainly wouldn't expect others to put up with my dc challenging behaviour, how selfish that would be.

I have 4 boys, youngest (5) can be a real handful when we are out(&win) due to ongoing behavioural issues which I'm working on strategies to overcome - it's hard work and sometimes I'm exhausted & just want to ignore it and pretend he's someone else's.

But I live in the real world and his behaviours impact on my other children and myself let alone anyone in the vicinity so no way would I allow him to run round a lobby/restaurant screaming and carrying on without removing him and sorting the situation before resuming checking in or whatever we are doing.
I have packed everyone up and left due to his behaviour before but he's definitely much better than he was and being removed works. I wouldn't want to be that parent everyone is staring at and judging for doing nothing - not to mention ruining their experience of wherever we are.

But I can only control my own children's behaviour, not someone else's. I could complain about it or vent on here I guess but there will always be that kid or that family that just drives everyone loopy by allowing their kids to run riot or just not parenting as they would - and most of those parents think that's normal acceptable behaviour and they don't care what anyone else thinks, not sure I want to be that judgy pants mum either but sad if you've paid money for something which is riined by someone else's thoughtless behaviour So I get on and worry about my own tribe :-) they're a handful

Oh, it's probably just my asd child who is sometimes awkward then. I must be a shit parent. Here's to a Summer indoors away from other people in case he ruins it for them.

Well said nannt0gg

YANBU OP. We choose adult only holidays as we can't be arsed with the lazy parenting we have witnessed in the past. Before we flew we'd booked in an airport lounge where there's a quiet area and there were signs clearly stating no children were permitted in the quiet area. There were children in the other area whose parents decided they'd come in sit in the quiet area with the kids. I lasted 20 minutes watching a child of approx 4 and his brother approx 7 jumping on chairs and chasing each other around before I pointed out the signs to the mother. With a grump and a huff she and her partner went back to the other area muttering something about "fucking crabby oldies." I'm 48 😂😂. They caused havoc! The poor bar staff and food staff told those children off numerous times for running/shouting/poking fingers at food/trying to take drinks without asking while the parents sat drinking and completely oblivious to the looks and comments from other passengers.

For those saying it's the child's holiday too, it may be child's holiday but it certainly doesn't give them the right to disturb other holiday makers! You'd all have plenty to say if an adult was acting outrageously!

YANBU, the entitlement does my head in

There's a diff between having a child who has special needs and one who is left to run riot whilst parents drink and enjoy themselves totally ignoring that kid
I know with my son I have to plan and strategise every outing and holiday for things which might set him off etc it's exhausting but I don't not do it
I go I deal with whatever it is and learn from the expeirence even if someone thinks we are the family from hell I can't change that I can only do what I can to make it fun but manageable and I've got thick skin now but no one wants to be stared or tutted at - which they have even when I've dealt with it and removed him it's exhausting constantly thinking ahead etc thinking on the spot what to do when something goes wrong

phleb

No, mine were terrible when younger and as got older were just a bloody pain for us, not others.
My point was that if they were at a stage when they were likely to upset others or a situation where their needs couldn't be met without annoying others we had to do things differently.
I was only talking from our experience, situations and of course when they were little.
They are all different whether sn or nt, only the parent knows what is acceptable for the child and society in general.

For instance, someone would just tell the child it's rude to be screaming and escort them back to the parent - or if they had a distraction, try for that while getting the parent's attention.

I do this I haven't been attacked by any parents so far, but I guess it's always a possibility. The two times I literally saved a child's life by interfering, the parents were really bloody rude. I put it down to shock, it was easier that way.

I agree there are places & situations where children's ebullience is inappropriate - adults deserve their space too! Most kids can occupy themselves fairly unobtrusively. Those that can't need taking to places where their activity levels are more in keeping.

I just find it so knackering. And people so judgey. This weekend we went to a park where there were instructions by the big slide. This meant that ds felt compelled to remind everyone of the safety rules. So after the 5th time of him telling every child how to go down the slide I want to get him. He thinks he is being helpful. He is trying to make sure people are safe, but the looks and comments we got! I am just getting to the stage where I don't care take him out. He's not naughty or rude, just very rule conscious and has routines.

I can't keep his sister in though. She's very protective of him with only a 15 month difference but the judginess sometimes makes me want to just be away from other people.

Anyway, I've derailed slightly. This has got to me because it's the holidays coming and there will be a lot of such encounters to handle if I want to give dd and as the break that and I want.

OP, you are right - your recent post suggests that the parents are self-absorbed and the kid is an appendage to be ignored whenever possible. 😕

Reminds me of the kid we saw on holiday recently who had to sit on her own and watch her parents play tennis on a court for 2hrs!!

Unfortunately there are a great many people who seem to be of the opinion that the rights of small children to do as they like take precedence over everyone else's rights.

Ho yus. See also "rampaging up and down corridors in hotels"; "running around restaurants when bored"; "SCOOTING around pubs and restaurants and hotel foyers when bored"; being screamed at by hysterical parents when you express your displeasure and asked "HAVE YOU GOT KIDS, EH ? EH ?".

yanbu..... My children annoy me when they don't behave appropriately in public never mind other people's children - I'll resort to putting netflix on my phone for them if necessary rather than let them be irritating.
I will also explain semi-loudly "all these people are here to enjoy their meal and don't want to be disturbed by them" so that other diners ect know I'm handling it!!

YANBU OP.

Entitled parents are the bane of modern life.

They and their children cannot be challenged on their bad behaviour by anyone. That needs to change.

I and many others seem to be able to travel, shop, eat out etc. with our children without imposing ourselves on others why can't they?

Lazy plain lazy.