Hotel etiquette

[trinity0097]

AIBU to think that if you are in the lobby/bar of a 'naice' hotel you don't let your 5 year old run around and around screaming around the their guests who are trying to have a quiet pre/post dinner drink without doing some parenting to get him to behave more appropriately? E.g. Distracting him with something else or taking him outside to run around?!

I too am generally very sympathetic at, er, difficult behaviour by young children in hotel/restaurant settings, in a 'been there, done that' sort of way.
BUT, having been there, we dealt with it when DC had tantrums, usually by simply taking them out, up to their room or similar.
(Dc now grownup, seem to be doing Ok. I am saying this not to boast but to show that I am getting on a bit. Just a bit...).
But what I have observed in the last 10-15 years or so is an increase in parents who are disinclined to deal with this behaviour at all. I regularly see dads totally disengaged with their DCs in public, looking at their phones throughout a meal for example and leaving all the parenting to their harassed-looking DWs. And the kids are often literally crying out for their Dads' attention.
I also see threads on here by women complaining that their DPs/DHs do little if anything at all with the kids, preferring to play on games machines. .
And not Mum-bashing when I say I have also observed both men women who can't or won't control their DCs because they don't want their kids to dislike them -- they want to be their friends. Exactly that. Which seems weird to me, the DCs will have plenty of friends , what they need is parents.

I'm glad/relieved to hear that most people think that this type of behaviour is wrong and that they actively seek to teach their children when certain types of behaviour are off limits/do something about their children if they do start having a rampage.

This was a vast difference between other children who were passing through the lobby who were happily skipping alongside their parents, or who were chatting excitedly - that sort of thing doesn't bother me at all and is to be expected when you are at a hotel that allows children.

I normally wouldn't let my children run around screaming indoors, especially in the lobby of a hotel. But I was once those parents, when, with two 4 year olds in tow, we arrived after a night flight to find the hotel did not have the rooms we had booked, prepaid for and paid extra to have available when we arrived. They told us they would be ready at 10 so we went off and came back at 10, but still no joy, and noone seemed to be able to tell us why they hadn't delivered on their promise. So DH and I ordered coffee and sugary snacks and let the kids run around. Partly in the hope it would encourage the hotel to provide what we had paid for and partly because we had nowhere to take them and no energy to cope with trying to entertain/distract them.

Addtobasket "Bonnie do you have children"

And the crown for mrs annoying I know it all passive aggressive special mention goes to you.

Listen carefully missy. I dont have children. I have manners, a brain and 15 years of experience Working with children.

You dont have to be a mum to have an opinion and you have absolutely NO IDEA if the person you are asking has lost the only child they got, is infertile, has had 3 miscarriages or just does not want any.

Next time I go to the doctor and they advice me on using a new cream I might ask him or sorry sir, have you had dermatitis?

My midwife doesnt have children.

What kind of %+{%{* asks a question like that to completely invalidate someone's opinion?

"Do you have children" ffs I dont but I HAVE BEEN A CHILD myself so there.

Ahhhh and addtobasket "where are some actual parents"
I believe lots of them commented here but apparently you are looking for your kind of parent

Deep breaths

I was never allowed to scream in public

addtobasket

I'm a parent of 2 DCs, luckily NT.

There is no way I would have allowed either of them to behave like that in a hotel lobby. They were brought up to know how to behave in public. If they showed signs of misbehaving they were reminded of what is acceptable behaviour and if they didn't behave they were remved from the situation.

We certainly didn't ignore bad behaviour that was inconveniencing others. Very poor parenting.

Being a parent is completely different to working with children.

Empathy for parents in hotels, and an understanding of why parents are 'letting their DC run around' are absolutely things that come as part of knowing that the best behaved children will have their moments and the best parents will sign out/be distracted/oblivious. On threads like these it is often easy to pick out the people who don't have children because they tend to speak in absolutes.

As an aside, saying 'listen missy' to another poster perhaps suggests that you don't know the limits of what can and can't be achieved by bossing people about. Parents definitely do know this - you cannot boss a child out of a tantrum.

Tantrums happen with toddlers. Not 5yr + who go to school and know how to behave

Few mins yes. 20mins no

The parents should have been looking after their children and if need be taking them outside and talking to them

Staff of a hotel shouldn't have to intervene / but sometimes they should / esp if they see their other paying guests are getting disturbed by it

Agree a drunken noisey adult would be asked to leave so why shouldn't a noisey child

Well addtobasket
Yes I agree being a parent is different to working with children.

But that doesn't mean that you can ask someone "do you have children?" to imply their opinion is invalid.

My "listen missy" was my way of showing you what "do you have any children" can make you feel.
It makes the other person feel like all power has been removed from them and their opinion doesn't matter. I wanted you to understand how it felt and I am glad it caused exactly the impact I suspected it would.

Won't go into the being bossy bit.

I will tell you this however.

You imply that only parents understand why some children might be let to run around.

I have no idea of how many children you have or how they are. I do not need to know as this is personal.

I will tell you this. I don't have children yet, I have and might still be struggling with un ovulation, endometriosis and PCOS so thanks for making me feel like a second class citizen. I am however pregnant at the moment.

I will tell you about my experience though. I spend 5 days a week with children for 8 hours a day and also overnight shifts, from 9am to 10 am the day after.

On a regular day I educate and support 120 children, 20 of whom will have learning difficulties, 5 physical ones, around 22 attention disorder, 13 will be somewhere in the spectrum with 5 being severely autistic.

I take care of them in groups of 30, not 3.

I know how to address behaviours, alert other parents of these behaviours so people can show more empathy.

I also know that not all children need special allowances, not all children I will take to the sensory room because they can't cope with being over stimulated for example.

I know that some children just NEED to be shown boundaries by parents and educators.

What I am trying to say to you is that I might not be a parent yet and maybe Bonnie is or she isn't, but that does not mean you know better than us just because you are a mum.

My point is that "do you have children"
Or "are there any actual parents here" are comments that come from those believes which are not right.

If having children was a necessary condition to understand children behaviour I wouldn't be teaching would I?

Also "on threads like this is easy to pick up people without children"

Addtobasket is this a witch hunt?
Do you think that us childless people are trying to deceive?????

I would never in a million years let my 3 year old behave like that. At worst during dinner she will say "I want to go for a little walk" so I take her for a walk around the restaurant for 2-3 minutes holding my hand then return her back to our table. I use my phone and YouTube and put Peppa pig on extremely quietly if I get desperate but not had to do that since she was 2! She can sometimes talk a bit loudly but I can't really control the volume of her voice at this age.

Anyway, OP YANBU.

And addtobasket there are plenty of parents here saying OP was NBU, maybe you won't dismiss their opinions?**

Evergreen, some peoples comments throughout this thread just go to show why the have unruly kids. Their attitude stinks, thats why this behaviour is excused and allowed by the minority. They are the most ignorant and selfish in society.

'Goes to show why people have unruly kids' - this is what I am talking about when I say absolutes.

It is entirely possible/likely that this could be about an otherwise well behaved child, or beyond reproach attentive parents, having an off half hour. That is family life, that is parenthood, it happens. And it will happen in parks or in smart hotels.

These aren't necessarily 'unruly kids'. They are probably just 'kids'. A counsel of perfection is unrealistic and intolerant.

Let's face it the parents were probably getting drunk and happy that the kid was doing his own thing. In that situation I would have asked bar tender to have a word with the parents if the child was disturbing me and other guests, rather than sit there seething and then posting on MN about it.

No YANBU

Yes it is an absolute, so what.
I absolutely abhore it and would always take my child out of the situation. All children play up,but you have to deal with it for the sake of others. Well some of us do anyway!

(disclaimer: I am not discussing special needs here).

In my own case, I agree that I had a different views of things before I had children and since I become a parent. I was a lot more understanding towards unruly children - and deliberately avoided any family friendly place. Now I realise that in most cases it's just done to bad parenting, laziness and selfishness.

Yanbu - inconsiderate parents that think the world thinks their unruly child/brood is adorable (or someone else's problem) do my head in!!

I'd be the same as original poster....very annoyed. I've got 2 kids who can be loud as kids tend to be, but they've been taught there's a time and a place.... Hotel reception area is not appropriate for that behaviour. Mine would be told off and punished if they continued doing this after being told.

For me, it's one of those situations where I'd have to be there to know whether my instinct was YABU cos it depends on severity/how intrusive. I personally get my little sons to sit and draw pics or similar when we go out to eat but they are quite calm kids. Some kids are quite hard work! For instance one of the SEN kids in older son's nursery can be a bit wild but I would hardly begrudge his mum the odd drink out while he runs about. However I do think this situation is why it makes sense to have 'no kids' hours in certain bars and restaurants.

Book an adult only hotel next time. I'm doing that as soon as DD turns 18

Love your comment addtobasket abd agree that based on the majority of posts here the main message is don't book a nice hotel if you have children? Sorry but you've booked into a family friendly hotel, there are adult only hotels out there that you could have booked if it bothers you that much.

YANBU! Feck's sake. People should keep their kids under control. It's a hotel lobby, not a playground.