to miss my DC's first day of reception for a work opportunity abroad?

[deliverdaniel]

An opportunity has come up for me to give a presentation at a conference in another country. It is very prestigious and would be brilliant for my career prospects and it has given me a real confidence boost to be asked. It's the kind of opportunity that really doesn't come up often.
But it would mean being away on the day that my DD starts school for the first time (reception) and the two days after that (it's all or nothing- can't do part of it.) Her dad is amazing and would take her and do all the things that I would do if I was there. But if I'm honest I think she would be disappointed if I wasn't there too. What do people think? Would you do it, or stay home to be with her for this milestone in her life?

Please be kind! Thank you

Go on trip, can't remember first day for any of mine , only a big deal if you make it a big deal.Surely you and Dad are interchangeable ? Not as if you are sending her with a neighbour or something like that.

I missed my daughters first days at school (very long story) and she doesn't remember. I made sure I was there for other firsts and for the big events, and made sure my mum took loads of photos on the day.

Go to the conference, and maybe a few days before you go get her al dressed in her uniform to make sure it fits, and take some photos, so you will be part of that first.

Good luck in which ever you choose xx

I've just asked my kids who took them to school on their first days. DS is in reception still and he just shrugged his shoulders. He has no idea. I think it was just me but it may have been just DH.

DD is in Y4. She thinks it was both of us. I know it was just me because DH was working overseas.

Go on the trip. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter and I'm sure as long as you don't make a big deal out of it she'll be fine.

Go to your conference. You're being an excellent role model for your daughter. She'll be fine and there'll be plenty of opportunities for you to do school stuff later on. Unmumsnetty hug in advance though because you'll still feel bad on the day. I had to miss DDS birthday once due to a conference abroad and I felt much worse than she did.

Go to your conference. Be an amazing, confident female role model. Enjoy!

Sorry I've only read the first few posts so if I repeat anything already suggested... I'd definitely go and grab this career opportunity if your DH is able to be there with your DD for her first day. Get him to take a picture of her in her uniform before she starts. Would you be able to telephone her in the morning to wish her luck and/or Skype with her at the end of her day to find out how things went? Sorry, don't know where you're going with regard to possible time differences etc. Bring her back a present to mark the occasion and do something special the following weekend. As the mother of three DC, all now in their 20s with only the youngest to finish her full time education, I can say that, though the day seems of enormous importance right now, and it is important, not saying it isn't, there are going to be so very many milestones in the coming 15 -20 years that the chances of both you and your DH being there for all of them is really very slim indeed. Don't beat yourself up too much. Hope your presentation goes really well and that your DD has a positive experience on her first day.

Both DH and I missed oldest DS's first day at secondary as our youngest DS decided he wanted to be born that day. So his grandma took him and he got to meet his baby brother after school. Life events happen as well as work commitments and it is good for our children to share special occasions with other people who love them.

thanks everyone for these lovely supportive messages. Must admit, I don't really get the idea of asking the teacher to change her first day! that really would be selfish to my mind and making it all about me rather than her. I think I will go to the conference and she will go on the first day and will be great with her dad.

thanks so much for all the support and kind words!

You should go. Imagine when she can just tell you all about it, it'll probably seem even better then if you dropped her off, which is all you do it's not as if you stay with them. Also you'll have a 'first' when you get back and drop her off. You could call her as well and talk about it. One of my neighbours has just never been to her kids schools for no reason, just can't be arsed! Never ever! It is a bit rough round here though 😉

DS2 is finishing primary next week. It's an emotional time and I'm racking my brains to think back and remember his first days. Although it was a big deal at the time I really can't remember much about them, and when I asked him, neither can he! As a working mother there will undoubtedly be a number of scenarios when you can't always be there. Sports days, assemblies etc. Do what you can and don't feel guilty about what you can't.. You are still important too in your own right.
Go to the conference.

Dh couldn't take ds2 to school on his first day, because it was also his first day in his new school! Neither of them minded.

Your work thing sounds like a massive opportunity and I'd definitely go were I in your position. She's got her dad, it's not like she's letting herself out of the house and walking by herself!

Go and do the conference and let Dad enjoy this 'first' as his special thing. My husband was away when my daughter took her first step just by random bad luck but there are so many things he's been there for that I've missed. Maybe she can dress in her uniform and have photos taken by you before you go? You could also call or Skype on the morning if possible time difference wise, even if it means getting up early for either of you and she'd be so excited about her special call or video chat with you where you can wish good luck and maybe see her.

Only one of us will be doing drop off and pick up for DS in reception and as I have the second day off as my regular day off, DH will take the first day off while I go to work, then I'll do the second day. It will keep it more normal for him we think.
I think it will be fine and I agree men would feel less guilty (my DH would feel a bit guilty but wouldn't change plans I don't think).

I took my DS1 to school on his first day, he clung to my leg crying (totally uncharacteristic and not what I was expecting) he had to be prised off by the teacher. I ended up outside the school gates in tears. I only remember it as it was so horrible. DS2 I shoved him into the classroom and did a runner before he realised I was going, much better. Think I made much too much of a fuss about the DS1 and it made it worse for him in the end. So I think go to the conference!

I had to give a paper at a conference earlier this year, DD is 3+ and DS is 1. I wasn't a keynote speaker, just another paper in a panel. It was one night away but as I had never been away I felt really guilty. My department had suggested to go three days (2 nights) but I felt so bad I said I'd only do two days and be back on the second by my DC's bedtime. I really was over-worried. My DC were very happy to see me back but there was no drama the night I was away. I took a calendar and drew a picture of a present on the day I was coming back and a smiley face saying "mum" on the day I was leaving. For a few days prior to leaving, I'd tell my DD at night times that I had to go to work on that day (smiley face) and I was coming back on that other day and bringing her a present. I asked what she wanted (to which she replied "Frozen" and "Paw Patrol") so I got her a Paw Patrol ball and a Frozen lunch bag before going, I put it in my suitcase on the day I left and gave it to her when I was back. It meant the trip wasn't about the absence but she focused on the present part. A friend gave me the idea and said I was at first making it about mummy not being there, hence increasing the anxiety, and that I should turn it into something positive and to look forward to, the present in this case. I'd tell her you are away but that you'll bring her back [x] and you'll take her to [favourite place] that weekend. Then Skype her on the day when you are in the hotel, so she can tell you anything exciting and you can reassure her. My DD never speaks over the phone but when I called she couldn't stop telling me everything about nursery!!

You'll be fine, she'll definitely be fine, your DH will enjoy 1:1 time with her and your job / career prospects will improve. Don't feel bad about it :)

Go to your conference, you are a great role model for your little girl! Don't make a big thing of it when you tell her, present it very pragmatically like 'dad will be taking you to school for the first few days because Mum's going away for work'. Don't imply that it's an upsetting situation 'oh I'm so sorry, I'm so sad I'll miss your big day'. Have you travelled for work before, is it something she's used to? I mistakenly arranged a work trip on my dD's 4th birthday ( nothing very career enhancing, I just forgot it was her Bday......). I was a bit devastated but I don't think she was! And a couple of years on it is not something that either of us particularly remember. Keeping the start of school low key is probably helpful anyway, I think all the 'big day, big school' hype builds up a lot of stress for kids.

I missed my DD's first day at school even though I was a SAHM at the time, because the car wouldn't start and I had to ask a friend to take her! She doesn't remember or care.

My daughter went to her first big music festival with her best friend and family, I was gutted. I took out a large overdraft as she saved and worked hard herself to help and said "Bye have a great time" through gritted teeth so I feel your pain. Stop the kids going or show any angst you will be the wicked witch of the west and they'll miss out on an oppertunity so pack the sunscreen with a big grin and then as soon as they go take out your anger on the gym.

Kids are different from us, mine hate heat, my son likes routine so many kids enjoy British holidays more anyway, we've had great British holidays, they're so bad in the heat I've only been abroad with them in the winter. Some of the kids happiest in the park round the corner having a water fight.

Like most of the other mums I just can't remember it. TBH couldn't tell you the teacher's name either. If your child is accustomed to the routine of nursery and being away from you, as she is, it won't be a huge deal to her and she won't remember either. The most important message she will get is that she is "a big girl now" and that you are both proud of her.
Good luck with the presentation!

Part of the reason I do my job (I'm a childminder) is becasue my husbands job wouldn't generally allow for taking a day off to cover things like this. So I am always available to do school stuff. My children do not care which one of us is there as long as one of us is there though. If her father is taking her I think that's great. There will be lots of children going to their first day at school being taken by grandparents, childminders, before and after school clubs, nannies etc, etc. If that's the way it has to be, so be it.

The child I currently look after wouldn't bat an eyelid if I had taken her on her first day at school, in fact, becasue I have picked her up every day since her first day, she probably thinks I did take her.

She is being taken and collected by someone who loves her. It doesn't matter if it is you or someone else that's doing it. Enjoy your conference.