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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to miss my DC's first day of reception for a work opportunity abroad?

220 replies

deliverdaniel · 11/07/2016 22:36

An opportunity has come up for me to give a presentation at a conference in another country. It is very prestigious and would be brilliant for my career prospects and it has given me a real confidence boost to be asked. It's the kind of opportunity that really doesn't come up often.
But it would mean being away on the day that my DD starts school for the first time (reception) and the two days after that (it's all or nothing- can't do part of it.) Her dad is amazing and would take her and do all the things that I would do if I was there. But if I'm honest I think she would be disappointed if I wasn't there too. What do people think? Would you do it, or stay home to be with her for this milestone in her life?

Please be kind! Thank you

OP posts:
2nds · 12/07/2016 10:30

I took pics of my daughter outside at the house in her uniform and I took pics outside the school.

My OH was supposed to come but couldn't make it in the end and he regretted that. So he says he wants to be there for her first day in Sept and for our youngest's first day at nursery next year.

I'd consider asking her school if she can start a few days later and bring her to school with your OH or I'd refuse to do the conference, I just say this because my OH does really regret it.

Fanfeck · 12/07/2016 10:48

Absolutely go!

The only people I know in real life who wouldn't, are the drippy types with little else going on in their lives and who can't bare their children having a life outside of them.

"Oh I knoww you'll miss mummy so much, but I'll be right there at pick up for lots of cuddles darling"

When really the child couldn't give two hoots!

As for the poster who said she's gone hungry to have the stay at home life Shock my goodness, that's not admirable at all.

BikeRunSki · 12/07/2016 11:29

Also, your daughter's first day at school will happen anyway. The opportunities and recognition arising from the conference won't.

A father in a 2 parent family wouldn't even think to ask the question, he'd just go. OP, you count too!!! After 8 years of motherhood, it's just begun to dawn on me that my wants and needs are as valuable and valid as anyone else's.

Thurlow · 12/07/2016 11:32

I'd do it. I'm not doing DD's first day at school - when I started the conversation with OH about it, he'd assumed that he would get to do it Grin

It would be nice to see it, but that's all. Go on the conference. Just make sure you don't let your DD get caught up in any sense of sadness you are not there - she's going to do this fantastic thing with daddy, after all.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 12/07/2016 11:38

I'd go. I probably will miss my DS3's first day of school, but DH will take him so he won't miss anything.

And I agree if the situations were reversed I don't think a dad would give it a second thought.

motherinferior · 12/07/2016 11:43

Congratulations on the conference. Go, build your career, and enjoy it.

stealthsquiggle · 12/07/2016 14:09

Go. Please go. You will so regret it if you don't. There will be plenty more firsts for your DD. Some you will be there for, some you won't. It's fine, really. She will grow up learning that the balance of career and family is important for both her parents.

Ghodavies · 12/07/2016 14:34

She won't remember

carameljane · 12/07/2016 14:35

Please go to the conference. Her dad will do a great job and she will still have a special day with him - ti will be good for their relationship and you will still be her special mum. You will have many many more special significant events which you will make other (but lesser) work sacrifices to attend.
I understand what it is to have a big work thing like this, and also my husband would be offended if I made out only I could do this
Have a good time at the conference!

Underparmummy · 12/07/2016 14:36

Its her dad taking her, she'll be fine. I reckon they'll both enjoy that as a bonding moment.

I understand you feel torn, I really do but I think you should go to the conference.

Underparmummy · 12/07/2016 14:37

DH and I take school things in turn by the way, it cant always be me and we can never both make it. As long as the dc have one of us there with them they are happy!

SausageDogGeorge · 12/07/2016 14:37

Definitely go on the work trip! Your DD won't notice and tbh, i don't even remember my 2 DC's first day at school - I have photos but i don't actually remember the day!

Hiddenaspie1973 · 12/07/2016 14:38

I would do the conference. Plenty of time at school lies ahead. She probably won't remember in the future. As long as you present it in a positive way, "daddy will take you on your first day" etc she will be fine.

You'll be thankful for the career when she doesn't need you so much.

100paperclips · 12/07/2016 14:40

I'd go. Your child won't remember, she'll be at school all day and you could always Skype/ Facetime in after school.

KatharinaRosalie · 12/07/2016 14:41

Please go. Your career advancement will be much more important for your DD in the long term, than being or not being there for the first day at reception.

chaplin1409 · 12/07/2016 14:43

I would go for it. I was talking to my son who is 14 about his first day at school and he can't even remember it so I am sure all will be fine especially if her dad will be with her.

MilicentKing · 12/07/2016 14:46

Do it! Your DD benefits from her Mum improving her career prospects.

sparklewater · 12/07/2016 14:46

My daughter is only in Y1 and I already can't remember her first day in reception, I very much doubt she can!

maxeffort0satisfaction · 12/07/2016 14:49

you can make it up to her. maybe skype in the morning or have her a present and a pre recorded video and let the husband take pics.

look if it was a man nobody would bat an eyelid..they're doing this guilt shit because you're the mum. go for it, its not the only milestone or important moment in her life. you doing well and succeeding in your career is a great role model.

user1468330875 · 12/07/2016 14:50

You need to get over yourself a bit and stop making such a big deal of nothing much. Parents make so much out of their children's first day at school yet the kids aren't all that bothered.

Planty18 · 12/07/2016 14:50

Totally agree with most other posters, her dad will do a great job, have a lovely day out together the day before, Skype her, it will add to the excitement. You won't regret it, I am a sahm to four kids and I honestly can't really remember my daughters' first days in any detail but they didn't particularly need me and I have much more significant memories - assemblies, plays etc - which you will be able to be there for in the future. Parenting is always made up of guilt about something Smile

Randomer234 · 12/07/2016 14:50

I personally wouldn't want to miss my D's first day however I've not been offered a fantastic opportunity... I'd say go to your conference Skype dd in the morning while she's getting ready and again when she gets home. Go and enjoy 😃

steppemum · 12/07/2016 14:55

I missed dd1's first day at school, as I was in hospital with dd2.
Kids were staying with my Mum, dh was overseas and phoning me everyday, I didn't even have all her uniform ready. Mum had to go and get her sweatshirt on first day from the school.
ds was also starting at the school for the first time.

They were both fine. Mum made a fuss and took lots of pictures, she was so excited to tell me all about it when I saw her.

It is only a thing if you make it a thing.

couple of years later dd2 waltzed in without a backwards glance, she had been at the nursery and visited the school often and couldn't care less.

Go to your conference.

mrsmortis · 12/07/2016 14:57

Go. Get your DP to take some photos and send them to you. Talk to her when you get in from school.

I work away and my DH is the SAHP. He's done every first day. I think that, by fluke, I may actually be in the right country for DD2s first day in YR in Sept and I'll definitely go with them, just because I can, but if it wasn't the case it wouldn't matter.

Helloitsme88 · 12/07/2016 15:02

Yes go for it. Holly willoughby missed her daughters first day due to work

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