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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report her if she does it again?

239 replies

Amy214 · 09/07/2016 23:25

Last weekend SIL had a big night out with friends (normal for her) she was really drunk and threw up. She popped round to our house the next day with the 2 children (under 5) after approximately 6-8 hours sleep, she still seemed pretty out of it (basically passed out on the sofa at one point) she complained that she still felt sick and dizzy. After 2 hours she finally left with her 2 children and drove home, i was sick with worry but they were ok. After a long discussion with dm i knew i should have reported her at the time. I have tried to discuss this with db but he doesn't seem to care (i did tell him that its not only her kids in the car with her its the innocent family going about their daily life that she may seriously injure) i was told that i was being stupid and that i should mind my own business Confused i live in scotland the drink driving laws have changed and are different from the rest of the uk, she would've still been way over the limit the next day. Would it be U to report her? Not only to the police but social services aswell? I don't want them to lose their children but i think she needs some help.

OP posts:
Ivorbig1 · 09/07/2016 23:33

I'd keep well away from this.

hownottofuckup · 09/07/2016 23:35

I'd report to police but not SS.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 09/07/2016 23:37

If you know (or strongly suspect) that someone is over the limit then yes, you should report to the police when they get behind the wheel.

I think SS is overkill though. If the police think a referral is needed then that's up to them.

apple1992 · 09/07/2016 23:40

You'd be better off speaking to her directly, or through a family member. If that doesn't work, then yes I'd report her if I though she was getting in the car over the limit.

Crunchymum · 09/07/2016 23:44

You say the night out was 'normal for her' but does she normally drive the next day?

LilQueenie · 09/07/2016 23:52

if you report to police ss will get involved anyway as children were present.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 09/07/2016 23:53

Report it to the police when she gets in a car clearly over the limit. I have no time for people who do this or who minimises it as well. SS is overkill, I can't imagine they will do anything.

Original poster
Amy214 · 09/07/2016 23:54

The night out is normal for her, she goes out almost every weekend but no she never drives the next day. I've already tried speaking to db but he tells me to keep out of it and he said its not even a big deal. I know she was definitely over the limit she is a big drinker (sometime when i visit there is empty bottles of wine, vodka, whiskey and beer left lying out from the night before) this is whilst the children are in the house, the children go to bed early at 6.30pm. I did tell her if she needs any help then all she has to do is ask, there is no shame. Which is why i sometimes have dnephew overnight (whilst looking after my own dd) but i think she see's this as an excuse to go out and get drunk and not some rest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amy214 · 09/07/2016 23:57

I'm not trying to say i am the perfect parent, i too have a glass of wine once dd is in bed at the weekend but i know my limits. And would never forgive myself if something happened to dd whilst i was off my face.

OP posts:
Rainbow · 10/07/2016 00:03

I would definitely report it to the police. Drink driving costs lives x

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/07/2016 00:06

Did you make any attempt to stop her?

Choceeclair123 · 10/07/2016 00:10

I would talk to her first and let her know you'll be reporting her if she carries on.

Original poster
Amy214 · 10/07/2016 00:11

I hoped my db would have said something, i did follow her out to the car 'to help sort out the children' and i asked if she was sure she was ok to drive and she said it was fine and 'its only 5 minutes' i know if she is in that mess again i will take the car keys off her or report her once she gets in that car. I know the route she would have to take to get home and the speed limit is 60mph which they never seem to stick to either.

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 10/07/2016 00:14

Can you not talk to her about it? I agree that drink driving is stupidly irresponsible but you imply this was an isolated incident. Reporting her to the police is pretty drastic and may have all sorts of consequences you didn't intend.

purplefox · 10/07/2016 00:21

Report her.

Original poster
Amy214 · 10/07/2016 00:47

I'll try talking to her and db tomorrow

OP posts:
JackieAndHyde4eva · 10/07/2016 01:07

As someone who buried their cousin and watched his 4 children and now permanently disabled wife say their final goodbyes at his grave due to a drunk driver i say report.

marie200 · 10/07/2016 01:15

How about next time you don't let her drive and you drive her instead? Have a conversation with her rather than just go report a member of your family to the police. If it's not something that's happened before, u can't be sure that she would do it again anyway. You can buy mini breathalysers if u r that concerned it'll happen again, test her before she leaves.

Idiotxit · 10/07/2016 01:27

I'd keep well away from this

Someone driving with kids in the car while over the limit?

Bloody baffling attitude.

Dontyoulovecalpol · 10/07/2016 01:42

I don't really understand posts like this. She already did it and you didn't report- why make such a thing into what you'll do maybe if it happens again? And ask MN to pat you on the back for this idea

TallGreenLamp · 10/07/2016 01:52

I wouldn't let it get as far as needing to report her, if possible you should have stopped her from driving and should do so in the future.

It doesn't matter that other people think it's fine or not a big deal, she is driving whilst over the limit and endangering herself, her children and other road users.

Gothgirl78 · 10/07/2016 03:09

Is she definitely still over the limit. Surely after 8 hours sleep then the time to get the kids ready nine or so hours would have passed. That's enough time to have metobalised a bottle of wine.

Thelyingbitchandthewardrobe · 10/07/2016 05:44

Amy why would you report her rather than talk to her at the time?

My SILS and I don't like each other but even we could handle this!

Talk to her. Get your DH to talk to her.

Sure you might have to report her but you should tell her what you are going to do.

cansu · 10/07/2016 06:43

Fgs this is your brothers wife. Next time she turns up and you suspects her of being over the limit. You can say that to her. You can offer to drive her home. You can tell her that you will report her to the police if she attempts to drive home. What you should not do is this pathetic anonymous reporting to the police and soc services as this makes you look like a loon and will cause untold damage to your family relationships.

maxeffort0satisfaction · 10/07/2016 07:07

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