To not want other people's children at my party?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I am organising a party for my birthday, I'm planning for it to be a fairly adult, boozey event held in the evening (8pm+).

Aibu to be a bit annoyed that at least 2 friends who have been invited are planning to bring their young kids, without asking me? I only found out that they were planning to do so recently when we were talking about the party and they mentioned that they would be bringing the kids! I have not invited children or 'families', just individuals.

There won't really be anything for the kids to do if they do come so they'll just be sitting around bored and potentially making a mess after I've just spent hours trying to clean up the place

Fwiw the last time a friend unexpectedly brought her kids round I ended up babysitting them inside, fetching them drinks and snacks and putting movies on TV for them while their mother sat outside in the garden chatting to her boyfriend! I really don't want a repeat of this at my birthday party

Yanbu, but what did you say when they said about bringing the kids?

Do they know what type of event your planning? And did you specify no kids with invite? If not maybe a call/email politely explaining the situation and that you dont want/think its suitable for young kids to be there, tho be prepared that they may not be able to come if they cant find sitters

I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to seem rude by blurting out 'but I don't want the kids there!'. Thought I might offend them if I said that and thought maybe I should find a way to work around it :/

Yanbu. That does seem a bit of a strange thing to want to do and a bit rude not to ask you. I would tell them nicely that it's an adult party and that there won't be anything for the children. Maybe they just can't find childcare, in which case maybe you could set up a children's room with games / movies? If you're feeling accommodating and you really want the parents there that is.

I didn't specifically exclude kids on the invite but I did make it obvious what kind of event it would be and its not exactly child friendly - if I was in a similar position with my children I wouldn't have wanted to take them because I wouldn't think it suitable for them.

Why would you take a child to what is obviously an adult party? Is that the done thing now?

Just let them know that bringing children isn't an option. If they can't get a baby sitter they can't come.

I feel your pain OP as I have the same thing. It's only one friend bringing her DC but I was planning to send my own DS (8) home early from the party with a relative, as he'd be the only child and so I could get on with partying, but now that will seem unfair to him as the other DC will probably be there till quite late.

Yanbu! You should have mentioned it with the initial invitation I reckon. However, I think you should tell everyone the score...I'd send a breezy text/email saying...

"Sorry guys, should have mentioned it's adults only as it's gonna be a boozey one! Hopefully we can all get together with the kids on another date"

Well that's the other thing thumb is that if they do bring the kids they'll either leave early to put the kids to bed or, (as happened last time) they'll stay so late the kids will be knackered and whingy.

Let them know you won't be providing any food or entertainment for children and you are letting them know now to give them time to find a babysitter. Or they can bring their own food and ipads etc.

I always end up cooking pizza and running around getting (kids) food and drinks while their parents chat with a drink and it pisses me off.

Don't worry about offending them as they have just done this to you!!

Just tell them!

That is exactly what happened last time China! I ended up looking after the kids while she went off and had a good time, not my idea of a great birthday party

Tell them. formerbabe's text suggestion is good.

Sounds like a communication problem.

You should have specified no kids really but as you didn't, you need to tell them now that it's adult only.

Mind you, if you're worried about mess, should you be having a party at all?

Just send formerbabe's response - it's perfect.

YANBU at all - they are, and that suggested response ^^ is in no way rude. So if they decide to take umbrage, that's entirely up to you. You know how annoying the presence of children will be at your party, so you have to say something.

Oh Lord from your last post, definitely tell them and don't worry about offending them or them not being able to come. They sound quite rude and inconsiderate actually.

*entirely up to them!

I think you should have said at the time, but if I were you I'd send a breezy text saying that it's an adult only party and you are unable to accommodate children. Otherwise you will just resent it.

If you're happy to have the kids there as long as you don't have to do anything you need to say something different if you are adamant you don't want them in the house.

YANBU! I'm amazed that people do this. I was once on a BF group where someone was due to go on a hen party but didn't want to leave her DD, who was around 5mo old, at home.

Cue 50 weirdos posters telling her just to take the baby, people will love it and someone actually said "I couldn't think of a better hen do guest than a gorgeous little girl"

I was the only person who said "maybe just go for the meal and express" to which I got asked if this group was for me

So you laid on special things for the kids at your last party and have set up an expectation that is normal for your parties ?

Definitely time for a breezy text reminding guests you won't be having facilities for kids this time .........and if they turn up with them ...let their parents look after them ......even down to when child asks you for a drink send them to mum and dad to get it.

I didn't say anything at the time because I didn't want to seem rude by blurting out 'but I don't want the kids there!'.

But there are lots of ways to convey it is an adult-only party without being rude or saying I don't want the kids there!

Why on earth didn't you just say

• Oh this is a grown up party, I thought that was clear from the time of day and type of party
• I'm afraid it's adults only this time. I'm sure you have enough time to find a babysitter.
• No kids at this one! I want to get roaring drunk on my birthday!

Or any of 100 non-rude comments that convey the no-kids nature of the get together!

I am afraid that by saying nothing at the time when the kids' attendance was first brought up you have now made it more difficult for yourself to backtrack to the no-kids rule.

I would leave them to it, let them bring theyre kids and let them get bored.