To not want other people's children at my party?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I am organising a party for my birthday, I'm planning for it to be a fairly adult, boozey event held in the evening (8pm+).

Aibu to be a bit annoyed that at least 2 friends who have been invited are planning to bring their young kids, without asking me? I only found out that they were planning to do so recently when we were talking about the party and they mentioned that they would be bringing the kids! I have not invited children or 'families', just individuals.

There won't really be anything for the kids to do if they do come so they'll just be sitting around bored and potentially making a mess after I've just spent hours trying to clean up the place

Fwiw the last time a friend unexpectedly brought her kids round I ended up babysitting them inside, fetching them drinks and snacks and putting movies on TV for them while their mother sat outside in the garden chatting to her boyfriend! I really don't want a repeat of this at my birthday party

But there are lots of ways to convey it is an adult-only party without being rude or saying I don't want the kids there! Why on earth didn't you just say
*- Oh this is a grown up party, I thought that was clear from the time of day and type of party

• I'm afraid it's adults only this time. I'm sure you have enough time to find a babysitter.*

Those come across as rude and patronising

I think telling people it is not for dc, so most get a sitter, but saying others can then bring their dc is a sure route to annoying people.
I've been to family parties and I've been to adult only parties - either / both can be great, but what is really annoying is to arrange and pay for a babysitter to find other people's dc there.

Everyone seems ok with this

Please do come back and tell us whether they really did make sure you were not inconvenienced.

I bet they'd try harder to find a babysitter if no babysitter = no party.

Anyone who thinks that an 8pm party is a children's party does not sound like a considerate and responsible bringer-of-children to me.

I don't think anyone else that is coming either has kids or needs a babysitter so it shouldn't be an issue with others being annoyed - I'm just slightly concerned that since no one will be expecting kids to be there that they will feel uncomfortable if there are some there :/ Hopefully the relevant people will be able to get sitters before then and it won't be an issue!

Then you need to tell the people with kids to get a babysitter or there is no party.
Its not fair to put your other guests out because of the other people having no cop on.Really you need to get a backbone.

It shouldn't be an issue? Sorry but I would be quite annoyed to turn up to a party and find kids there. It changes the dynamic completely and I feel you can't really just let your hair down, then you have to watch what you say and discuss.

My friends have nights in drinking and sometimes they let their children stay up and they are constantly in and out and bothering us. It really annoys me. I'm there to have some child free fun and some adult time, not have to watch what I say because of children.

I'd send an email saying, Sorry if I didn't make this clear in my invitation but this is to be a fun child free party and I've made arrangements for my DC to stay over with family. Been looking forward to this for ages.

I would find it a problem. If I arrange a sitter I would be bothered to go to somewhere to find other people's kids.

You may end up with some VERY irritated friends if someone brings their kids when someone else went to the effort of organizing a sitter.

I think you need to make it 100% clear NO kids. If you can't arrange a sitter unfortunately you can't come. It sucks but it's only fair to everyone else who wants a kid-free night.

Op, grow a pair and tell them no kids. You'll probably find you'll have more friends (or at least better ones) too if you start standing up for yourself.

I do think you've rather caught yourself between a rock and a hard place.

You don't want to piss the clueless friends off, who want their kids to tag along.

But in not pissing them off, you'll piss everyone else off when they turn up and realise there's kids there. Kids at an adult party changes the dynamic and definitely puts a dampener on it.

Nobody will say anything, but the party won't be what it could've been due to the presence of kids.

I think your friends are being quite selfishly dense, and ruining this a little bit for you.

I'd follow up with the invited party guest who is trying to find a babysitter and see how they're getting on.

Having kids at an adult party isn't fun. Not fun for the kid who is brought along (whether they want to be there or not) and most definitely not fun for the other adults.

Just say "I'm sorry, it's just not possible to have little Amy/Ben at the party this time. I hope you understand" and leave it at that.

I can't believe this angst is still going on.

Since when is it not acceptable to just say to your friends "really sorry but my kids won't even be there - it's an adult only party. Hope you can get a sitter!"

Why the hand wringing, just call them and tell them FGS!

Meh, I'm just going to cancel the whole thing. Everyone is cancelling on me, don't know why I bother to try, had the same thing last year

That's a shame, but possibly a result of the dithering.
Next time, choose what you are doing, be decisive and enjoy it with those who want to do tnat thing. When you try to please everyone, you generally end up compromising and pleasing no-one.

Everybody is cancelling because they have heard there will be kids at the party.Next time just put on the invites adults only.

How many friends have you invited?

That's a pity Fedup - do you think they are cancelling on you because you said that kids weren't invited and they were going to bring their kids anyway?
I'm afraid I couldn't let it happen without saying something to the invited guests about how disappointed you are that for the second year in a row you've had to cancel an adult only party and you're just gutted about the plans that are not going to happen now.

Good idea to cancel and then next time make it clear who is invited and who is not.

You should have made it clear no kids from the beginning

No point saying get a babysitter - but if you can't ,then bring them and you (the parents) will look after them

It will piss you off and any adults who come expecting a child free night

sorry people have cancelled. Go out with dp instead :)

This is why i hate organising parties and cancelled one costing dh 100 quid due to lost deposit. I wont organise anything now too much hassle xx

Next time - be clear it's adult only.
I suspect people are cancelling because of the dithering.
Those that have organised childcare will be fucked off because other peoples kids will be there. So cancelling because they wanted kid free time. I don't blame them. I would also cancel and go elsewhere because no way am I forking out cash to be surrounded by kids anyway.

People who don't have kids looking forward to spending time with friends without their kids there. For them the dynamic has changed and kids will be talked about whereas they aren't interested.

People who cannot find childcare and don't want to spoil it for others because they realise it's adult only and it changes the dynamics.

The brass balls, who I suspect haven't cancelled yet because why should they? They don't care about dynamics or that it was an adult only thing. You either invite the whole family along or no-one because children should never, ever be excluded from anything.

Yep, no one showed up in the end. Literally no one. I had spent so much money on alcohol and food and put in so much time and effort tidying and decorating the place and not a single person showed up (except dsis and DP). Nothing to do with kids/no kids at all. Everything to do with the fact that no one could really be bothered or got a better offer. There were only 2 people invited in the first place who had kids, they both decided not to come, then everyone else cancelled on the day. Definitely not organising anything next year, just a waste of time and money and will leave me disappointed again

What shitty friends you have. I would let them know when conversation permits that no-one turned up and the expense, I wouldn't bother next time, stuff them. I only celebrate big birthdays, 50 is the next one and that will be going out for a meal.

Wow, that's shit. Did they all cancel because the ones with kids spoke to them?