To not want other people's children at my party?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

I am organising a party for my birthday, I'm planning for it to be a fairly adult, boozey event held in the evening (8pm+).

Aibu to be a bit annoyed that at least 2 friends who have been invited are planning to bring their young kids, without asking me? I only found out that they were planning to do so recently when we were talking about the party and they mentioned that they would be bringing the kids! I have not invited children or 'families', just individuals.

There won't really be anything for the kids to do if they do come so they'll just be sitting around bored and potentially making a mess after I've just spent hours trying to clean up the place

Fwiw the last time a friend unexpectedly brought her kids round I ended up babysitting them inside, fetching them drinks and snacks and putting movies on TV for them while their mother sat outside in the garden chatting to her boyfriend! I really don't want a repeat of this at my birthday party

An adult birthday party at 8pm err no you are not being unreasonable! Unless specifically stated 'you and kids/family are invited' parents should assume no kids or if in the day time double check!

MrsDoylesTeaParty think we were saying the same thing, IF op wanted to accommodate kids and had space then creating a kids zone is relatively easy but equally IF you really did not want kids there then that's good too. giving both sides really. the consensus seems to be that op does not want kids there so great, just tell everyone that they are not invited. Or be passive, suck it up and damage limitation measures such as a kid zone should be employed.

I agree with Hearts comment completely - who takes kids to an adult only boozy party anyway - time and place etc.

.......you could text everybody on the pretext that one person asked you to clarify if kids were coming and you wanted to assure them this was an adult only event. ( or you could just tell the 'offenders' directly.

You shouldn't have to write "no kids" on the invite if you just put individual names in the invites that's ridiculous!

I think you just say that it's an adult party, lots of booze so want them to realise that its not going to be a suitable environment for children.

Depends on your groups of friends, and what you usually do I think?

When DC were younger, friends and I would have lots of BBQ gathering/ party type things, starting any time from mid afternoon to early evening and going on til, when they finished. Usually plenty of food and drink involved. Everyone brought their DC who played with hosts DC. It worked well, I don't remember anyone asking to bring DC to mine or me asking them, it was just assumed.

More recently when lots of us turned 40 a few years ago, there were various parties/ celebrations - most again were family based, but some friends arranged more formal nights out/ dinner's which were adult only, which wasn't a problem as it was clear from the outset.

Personally I wouldn't exclude children from a house party, but that's my choice. Generally I'd say whatever you do, you just need to make it clear from the outset that children are or aren't invited.

Quite frankly if I was throwing an adult only party I wouldn't want kids there even if there was another room to stick them in.

OP YANBU Have you text them yet?

Organise something for the kids to do (a DVD in another room) with some snacks, then completely ignore them and leave their parents to deal with them.

Tell them you've booked a stripper. That should do the trick.

Agree with MarySunshine

Text everybody on the pretext that you were asked if kids would be present and you wanted to make sure everyone was aware this was an adults only event so all the adults felt comfortable letting their hair down

I think the fact that the party starts at 8pm is a CRYSTAL CLEAR indication that kids are not allowed to attend. I think it's ridiculous that they would even think about bringing their kids along!

YANBU. I have young kids. I wouldn't take them to an adult party at night unless it was a family NE party or similar.

Maybe give them a txt and say you heard the mention their kids but just wanted to let them know it wouldn't really be suitable with enough time so hopefully they can get a babysitter

Do not set up a dvd or anything for the kids. The party starts at night. Not in the middle of the day. That time parents should ask for clarification and no assume.

If you accommodated their children last time you had a party then I guess they assumed this would be the same (especially if you did so with grace last time so they didn't realise you were bothered). You do need to specifically tell them that this is a no children party.

If you have your own children will they be at the party or will they be in bed/elsewhere for the party? If they will not be attending maybe throw in that your own children won't even be going.

I don't think YABU, for us it was Slightly different, all our friends had kids a similar age, so get togethers usually involved the kids, they would go off to a bedroom with an XBox or Disney video and amuse themselves whilst we got moderately drunk and raucous downstairs.

It was expected, we have always invited the children, even though they are now their twenties, however there would have been no ill feeling had we decided to have an adults only party, just made it clear at the beginning on an invite. For example most meals out were adults only, unless celebrating a birthday on a Sunday afternoon.

My own children will not be attending as they are with gp's for the night

I didn't intend to host the children before but as she turned up with them unannounced then disappeared to talk to her bf I felt like I had to do something with them :/

So have you texted her yet? Nearly everyone has said this is ridiculous. Just say "sorry for any confusion, this is an adults only party"

I agree, who takes kids to what is clearly an adult party. I'd just email or text everyone saying that the gps have offered to take your kids so you are jumping at the opportunity to make it a child free zone. Don't even give people the option just say your kids won't be there so it's an adult only party. Sometimes I think people are so selfish but then I think maybe they are just thoughtless. Either way it's your party so do it right! Have a great time :)

That's totally weird. If I was invited to a dinner at 8pm there's no way I'd assume it was ok to bring my kids. Equally i'd be flabbergasted if my friends turned up with theirs. Sounds like you've kind of missed the chance to say no kids though as you may have implied from your response or lack of it that it's ok, so I'd say you should send text saying if people are unable to find babysitters, they can bring kids but there'll be nothing laid on for them. If they turn up with them, you should make it abundantly clear you're not going to run around after them. Sounds like last parry set a bit of a precedent maybe. Good luck and happy birthday!

Even for a daytime/afternoon do to celebrate an adult's birthday I would never assume that it was ok to bring my kids. I would always ask if they're welcome. An 8pm start makes it pretty obvious (imo) that it's an adult only party.

Send a message confirming no kids. Don't leave it. I'd say something like:

'Thanks for all your replies. I'm really sorry but I can't remember if I actually specified on the original invite - but to clarify we're looking forward to a great party and letting our hair down without kids for a change! DC's are off to GPs the weekend. Hope you've managed to get babysitters sorted too. See you soon!'

It's your party, your friends. If there's specific friends who you think would get pissed off then maybe call them first or send a friendly apologetic message directly to them. Don't let it piss you off, just do something about it!

Good luck and have a great party!

Ok, I've spoken to the relevent people, one set is still trying to sort a babysitter but if not then it's been agreed that they will be the sole responsibility of the parents/people bringing them and I will not be roped into any kind of childcare! I won't be making any kind of provision for them either. Everyone seems ok with this and accept that they may just have to come early and leave early if the kids start getting cranky!

You need to politely explain that your party is not aimed at children and will be very much adults only. Be apologetic that they did not realise this and that they will need to get a sitter.