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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want other people's children at my party?

142 replies

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 03/07/2016 13:25

I am organising a party for my birthday, I'm planning for it to be a fairly adult, boozey event held in the evening (8pm+).

Aibu to be a bit annoyed that at least 2 friends who have been invited are planning to bring their young kids, without asking me? I only found out that they were planning to do so recently when we were talking about the party and they mentioned that they would be bringing the kids! I have not invited children or 'families', just individuals.

There won't really be anything for the kids to do if they do come so they'll just be sitting around bored and potentially making a mess after I've just spent hours trying to clean up the place

Fwiw the last time a friend unexpectedly brought her kids round I ended up babysitting them inside, fetching them drinks and snacks and putting movies on TV for them while their mother sat outside in the garden chatting to her boyfriend! I really don't want a repeat of this at my birthday party Sad

OP posts:
whois · 03/07/2016 19:24

Up your assertive levels - why on earth didn't you just say at the time "oh, sorry - it's adults only, thought that was clear from the time. Do hopes you can get a babysitter and still come"

netflix · 03/07/2016 19:47

I think you must have inadvertently given out the "I don't mind kids, I'm easy about anything" vibe in the past

Just send a text saying as suggested "just to clarify I'm intending to get bladdered so not having a child friendly do this time, hope this allows you time to find childcare, would love you to be there if possible but will understand if you can't organise childcare obviously X)

Or something like that

kali110 · 03/07/2016 20:02

Just text them, yanbu.

MitzyLeFrouf · 03/07/2016 20:10

I wouldn't occur to me that I'd need to specify 'no kids' for a party that was starting at 8pm!

Filosofikal · 03/07/2016 20:49

But, but, but ........why on earth didn't you just tell them when they mentioned the kids. Shock

I'm baffled at the number of posters on Mumsnet who have friends that they can't just talk to normally. Confused. Being able to be honest and straightforward with friends seems to be a bit of a luxury for some people.

Original poster
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 03/07/2016 21:04

I do tend to put up with a lot because I want people to like me. DP says I try too hard Sad

The reason I do it though it that I don't have many friends and I am somewhat desperate to hang on to the ones I do have so I do things that I'm unhappy with because I don't want them to stop being my friend!

OP posts:
mamalovesmojitos · 03/07/2016 21:08

YANBU. Just send a polite, breezy message to clarify. I'd never bring dc to an 8pm party.

Mycraneisfixed · 03/07/2016 21:12

I was thinking the same thing about the party start time. 8pm is grown up party time. Send the breezy but clear text asap.

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 03/07/2016 21:18

I think if you had the space then it would be okay to bring kids, my mum used to take me to neighbours house parties and set me up in a room with films and snacks. I was happy and no-one noticed I was there! I knew it was an adult party and shouldn't be around. But you don't have the room for that so I would probably send a friendly text confirming no kids. It's your party and you're not being awful, it's pretty normal to have assumed no-one would bring kids at that time.

TheNaze73 · 03/07/2016 22:14

YANBU at all, it's your party.

Shizzlestix · 03/07/2016 22:25

Rather than a 'sorry, no kids' text, how about a 'glad you've all managed to find babysitters, can't wait for a late boozy one' or words to that effect? So everyone assumes that this was the original plan, they've been mistaken?

BeenThereTooSEL · 03/07/2016 22:30

No way would I bring my child to an adult party. But I have a friend who does that and we now have to put no kids on invites/texts etc

Filosofikal · 03/07/2016 22:37

OP The reason I do it though it that I don't have many friends and I am somewhat desperate to hang on to the ones I do have so I do things that I'm unhappy with because I don't want them to stop being my friend!

If they are friends worth having then they would hate to think that you are doing things you are unhappy with. Sad. How would you feel if someone was afraid to be honest and straightforward with you?

BTW you can be honest and straightforward AND polite and kind.

Boysnme · 03/07/2016 22:58

We were recently invited to a no kids birthday party, normally would not have been a problem but our usual babysitters were all on holiday. We took no offence at not being able to take them, it was the hosts choice and we respected that but it did mean we couldn't go. You should just be straight with them and say sorry, you don't want kids there.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 03/07/2016 23:06

I think if you had the space then it would be okay to bring kids

It is an adult party, children do not have to be welcome everywhere. Adults should be able to enjoy themselves without having to moderate their language/behaviour/conversations because there are children around.

serin · 03/07/2016 23:12

This happened to us once. A couple turned up with their 3 DC in tow, we didn't even have DC at the time so the house wasn't remotely suitable (large unfenced pond, huge fire pit, fireworks, no safety gates etc) Parents proceeded to drink themselves to oblivion and everyone else ended up minding their children. It was a nightmare which ended with the three DC fast asleep sprawled out across our sofas, whilst the parents couldn't drive them home (no delegated driver!) and couldn't get a taxi as one child needed an adapted vehicle.

Since then I have always made sure that people only bring DC to kids or family parties.

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 03/07/2016 23:46

Allpizzas Think you need to read my post again... I said if there is space to put them in another room.

suit2845321oie · 03/07/2016 23:56

Amazing that anyone assumes kids are invited to an evening party. I'd be seriously narked if someone turned up with their children

whatamockerywemake · 04/07/2016 00:02

I always warn I will get sweary and will not moderate (and my friends know I do love an expletive!)

I think it's FINE to say "sorry - no space to offer a zone for children (would love to, but can't) , so it's adults only. Find some childcare and lets all have FUN!"

maninawomansworld01 · 04/07/2016 00:06

Just be upfront and say 'sorry if it wasn't clear but it's no children'.

That's it, that's all you need to do.

BackforGood · 04/07/2016 00:09

YANBU to not want dc at your party.
You certainly shouldn't have to specifically put that on any invitation.
Your friends are very rude to try to bring their dc with them
However, when you found out, you need to just say - oh - the invitation is only for you / you2, there's no dc at the party. whatever you do, don't start accommodating them.

bloodyteenagers · 04/07/2016 00:20

Fuck creating a kids zone.

Text/email- looking forward to seeing all my wonderful friends on xx. loads of booze. Loads of laughs. And without the kids there maybe a stripper lol

DoreenLethal · 04/07/2016 06:50

I only found out that they were planning to do so recently when we were talking about the party and they mentioned that they would be bringing the kids!

So you said at the time - 'ha ha - no it's an adult only party silly!'?

Isetan · 04/07/2016 07:55

Hoping people will 'get it', especially after a precedent has been set is just plain silly. Is not enjoying your party the price you want to pay for not appearing to be rude? If not, say something and in future save yourself from stress by making it clear.

Andbabymakesthree · 04/07/2016 08:08

Oh dear time to get more assertive and get some boundaries in your relationships. Too eager to please and worried about coming across as rude.....yet they aren't! You're their babysitter !

Text them. Make it clear no kids.