To ask if you call your MIL 'Mum' ?

[thewavesofthesea]

Just that really. I have noticed that my own mum and MIL called their MILs 'Mum' but I never have, and neither does my brother in law's wife. I kinda feel like I would like to; I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for 8, and she is very lovely, supportive and does a lot for us; I love her to bits. But I would not want to offend my own mum, who also does a lot for us etc. and don't want MIL to think I'm odd after all this time! Maybe I'm overthinking it......

It's a control thing with my in laws, nothing to do with age or generation.

If I'm relating a message / story I'll just say dad or mum about my in-laws but never to their face. I'm not even sure why I do, other than saving myself from saying 'your' all the time. My FIL would love it if I called him dad but I think MIL would think I'd gone rogue. She still writes their first names in brackets in any card addressed to us both. Although if I recall I think she worries I won't know it's not from my parents!

My BIL calls my parents mum and dad though; he is from somewhere where it is a mark of respect and I do love it ... But think I'd be weirded out if my DH started to!

However, we do both call each other's grandparents their chosen grandparental moniker and always have done.

Very old fashioned. My MIL (age mid fifties) calls her PIL mum and dad, i find it very odd.

Really??
You seem to be forgetting many, many MNers are mid fifties or older, and - as you'll see from this thread 99% of us think it quite odd to call anyone other than your Mum, Mum.

My parents would be well into their 80s if still alive, and didn't do this, nor did my PiLs to their parents / PiLs who would be pushing 100 now if still alive. So it's not an age / generation thing. Maybe regional ? I don't know, but now heard of round hear (well, I've met one person, and he's quite odd in a lot of ways).

Hell no.
I call her her name to her face and 'that woman' to everyone else

I live with my in laws and have always called them mum/dad. But I think this is more out of respect and due to indian culture! Calling her by her name would be the ultimate insult.
she's always referred to as MIL when I mention her to anyone else though.

No, apart from a couple of times I've mistakenly referred to her as "mum" when talking about her to DH. I'm fond of MIL, and help pick presents for her etc but I don't think I know of any of my peers calling MILs "mum" when talking to or about them.

Having said that, DH and I sign mother's/father's day cards for both sets of parents and when we get joint Xmas cards they're signed " mum and dad A" and "mum and dad C".

No! She asked me to once but I couldn't bring myself to. I have a wonderful mum and no one else compares. I call her by her name or grandma in front of the kids.

I only called my PIl's Mum and Dad after my own parents had both died, DH however used to call my parents Mum and Dad, not feeling comfortable calling them by their actual names.
My DIL calls me by my name and Ds's girlfriend (who lives with us calls me both Mum and by my name, I don't mind either whatever they feel comfortable calling me.

I don't and wouldn't but my MIL calls her MIL mum, maybe it's that generation?

God, my MIL sends me cards saying 'to my daughter' from mum and dad. She's probably jizzing in her pants now cos BIL just got engaged and his fiancée is always in Facebook like, 'out for afternoon tea with my mums' and 'dress shopping with both my mums'. argh

Nope. My MIL calls her MIL "Mum", but I think it's totally creepy. She refers to herself as Mum as well, when writing me cards or texts.

She's not my mum. My mother is the only person I will call Mum.

I'm not married to my dp but have been with him for longer than some of his married siblings who call their pils "mum and dad" as they were asked to do. They've never asked me to. I wonder if they would ask if dp and I got married but I can't imagine they would.

No but my MIL is not called Mum because she's not English. I don't think I would call her what my husband calls her, it seems odd. I do love her to bits and she is amazing, but she's not my mum. I call my husband's grandparents granny and grandad (equivilent) though and I don't find that odd.

My friend does. In her culture (Indian) that's what is done, and she doesn't mind. Yes it is odd, but I suppose it's a term of endearment.

Coming from Newcastle I can assure you the word is 'Mam' not Mum

No I called her by her first name, My DDIL calls me by my first name and my DS calls his DMIL by her first name.

I always found it harder with my FIL though - I never knew what to call him - he didn't encourage either use of his first name so I used Dad - but I could tell he wasn't keen on me using that either, He'd probably have preferred it if I'd called him Mr Kurri'sFIL. I never worked out if he was grumpy/stand-offish or desperately shy - but all encounters were awkward.

I do. In their (indian) culture it would be highly disrespectful if i didn't. It was a bit weird to start with, but I'm over it and she's lovely anyway

I don't.
Although were kind-of-ish getting on now she's been vile in the past. For the first 4/5 years of mine and DPs relationship I didn't call her anything, which made for some difficult times and now I just call her by her first name.

DP tried to call my mum, 'mum' once and she was horrified! Now he calls her by her first name too.