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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you call your MIL 'Mum' ?

218 replies

thewavesofthesea · 02/07/2016 21:19

Just that really. I have noticed that my own mum and MIL called their MILs 'Mum' but I never have, and neither does my brother in law's wife. I kinda feel like I would like to; I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for 8, and she is very lovely, supportive and does a lot for us; I love her to bits. But I would not want to offend my own mum, who also does a lot for us etc. and don't want MIL to think I'm odd after all this time! Maybe I'm overthinking it......Wink

OP posts:
toconclude · 02/07/2016 23:31

No, I called her Sheila (she's passed away some years ago), but then so did DH and his siblings.

headinhands · 02/07/2016 23:33

I do. It feels natural as everyone else (dh's siblings and their spouses) calls her mum.

MitzyLeFrouf · 02/07/2016 23:37

Ew. No.

I find it a bit odd to be honest.

LadyB49 · 02/07/2016 23:38

No, by Christian name.
Called my ex in-laws Mr X and Mrs X, as did their other dil.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 02/07/2016 23:55

No, but sometimes call my FIL dad. My DM is my definition of mother and the word would never work with anyone else , but my FIL often does really corny dad things and the word just slips out then.

Cockadoodledooo · 02/07/2016 23:56

No. I may have once or twice in 20 years but certainly not habitually. They refer to themselves as mum and dad on my birthday cards etc though.

I remember my own parents referring to inlaws as mum and dad, and for the life of me couldn't work out how they knew which set of parents the other was referring to!

YolandiFuckinVisser · 03/07/2016 00:02

Fuck no! I call her mummy if I'm talking about her with DH and she isn't there, mostly in the spirit of taking the piss out of him for calling her mummy at the age of 49. In person I call her by her given name.

However, ds calls her grandma Cornwall (to distinguish from grandma Leeds) although she isn't his biological grandma. She doesn't seem to mind, even though she instructed him to call her by her given name on meeting him for the first time.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 03/07/2016 00:03

Sorry no. Me and DP couldn't both call her mum. That's rather sick if you ask me.
I'd feel like i was shagging my brother.

normastits5 · 03/07/2016 00:32

No she's not my mum she's DH mum. DH started to call mine mum but it seriously weirded me out

TowerRavenSeven · 03/07/2016 00:36

Nope. I avoided calling her anything before ds was born, then when he was she was automatically Nannie. Now I call her nan. If she was motherly towards me maybe but...

DontDeadOpenInside · 03/07/2016 00:37

I do. So do all the other sister/brother in laws. FIL is dad too. My mum doesn't mind a bit she asks me how mum is meaning MIL. DH calls my parents by their names though.

thepothasboiledover · 03/07/2016 00:38

Nope. I call her nothing because we went NC with her a while Ago. I would never have called her mum though, she is and always will be a self centred sanctimonious old dragon Grin

coldcanary · 03/07/2016 00:46

No. I love her to bits but I call her by her first name. Her mum wanted us (her grand dils) to call her grandma but mil told us years ago to ignore her on that one.

Seren85 · 03/07/2016 00:50

No. I adore her but she's not my Mum. It'd get very complicated here anyway as DH has essentially got three families so it would be odd if I called his Mum "Mum" and his stepdad by his first name as DH does. I've noticed for years that my paternal grandparents put from "mum and dad" on cards and presents to my own mum but she never refers to them that way.

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2016 00:53

Mine asked me whether I wanted to. Dp and I aren't married so I looked on it as a sign of acceptance, but I said no- my own mum was still alive at the time- and she was fine about it. Her other dil does though.

It!s sweet to read her convoluted attempts to respect my wishes when she sends us joint cards- she has to be three different people. Grin

mammmamia · 03/07/2016 00:56

Yes I do and so does DH! I think it's lovely

Caterina99 · 03/07/2016 02:35

No I call my (lovely) PIL by their first names. Or granny and grandad in front of DS. DH is the same with my parents. I did call DHs DG "grandma" when she was still alive, but I didn't have a grandma at the time, and all his family called her that or Mrs A, which felt really formal to me (she was lovely too). DH calls my grandad by his first name, but that's what my dad calls him.

waitingforsomething · 03/07/2016 03:09

No! Dh and I call each other's mums by their names. I only have one mum ...

Juanbablo · 03/07/2016 07:43

I call my MIL by her name. My mum died when I was 15 but I still don't feel the need to call anyone else mum.

StrictlyMumDancing · 03/07/2016 07:47

No. My dm called her MIL mum though. My MIL called her MIL nanny (as that what the kids did) and I've kind of picked up on that too, so if she's not her name then she's nanny.

Skittlesss · 03/07/2016 07:54

No, I use her name. DH uses names for my parents.

My brothers girlfriend refers to my parents as mum and dad when talking about them though and I find it confusing - she says "I was at mums earlier and she said..." and I have figure out whether she means my mum or her mum!

Belager · 03/07/2016 08:00

I just discussed this with my DP, he pointed out that my own mum has always called her in laws mum and dad. This is dispite having been divorced from the sperm donor my dad for 20 years. I would have no prob calling in laws mum and dad but atm prob bit too soon (4 years)

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/07/2016 08:02

Yes,sometimes.

LittleCandle · 03/07/2016 08:07

I did, but only when my own mum wasn't present, as that would have been confusing. XH did the same, although he always called my dad by his given name, which was perfectly understandable, given my dad's attitude to him (until the bastard left, when he was suddenly the salt of the earth! Angry). I think it is personal choice how you feel about doing that. No rights or wrongs in this situation.

CPtart · 03/07/2016 08:09

No. I don't put my name on her Mother's Day card either. Don't get that at all.
And I like my MIL.

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