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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you call your MIL 'Mum' ?

218 replies

thewavesofthesea · 02/07/2016 21:19

Just that really. I have noticed that my own mum and MIL called their MILs 'Mum' but I never have, and neither does my brother in law's wife. I kinda feel like I would like to; I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for 8, and she is very lovely, supportive and does a lot for us; I love her to bits. But I would not want to offend my own mum, who also does a lot for us etc. and don't want MIL to think I'm odd after all this time! Maybe I'm overthinking it......Wink

OP posts:
ThoraGruntwhistle · 03/07/2016 15:56

My MIL said I could call her and FIL Mum and Dad, but I felt rather weird about it, so I said I'd prefer to stick to using their first names. I thought it was a very sweet offer, but I think I would've felt embarrassed every time I said it.

ElaineVintage · 03/07/2016 16:23

No, that would be weird.

I do however call my BIL 'Bro' affectionately sometimes, mainly as he started calling me Sis.

SeaEagleFeather · 03/07/2016 16:59

Mine calls herself 'little mother' in the local language and it feels perfect. She's not my mum, but we have a lovely warm relationship and a lot of trust. It's not nice if we don't see her every week, feels like something is missing. "little mother" seems perfect

FreshHorizons · 03/07/2016 17:09

Just a first name, anything else seems weird. I am a MIL and am just called by my name, but then everyone does from toddler up. Even getting nephews and nieces to drop the 'Aunty' now they are adults.

thatsn0tmyname · 03/07/2016 17:15

My partner and I aren't married so my 'MIL' is my common law mother in law CLMIL. I call her by her first name as we aren't kissy/ huggy when together and I think we're both happy with that.

Vickyyyy · 03/07/2016 17:20

No, would feel weird.

WallisSimpson11 · 03/07/2016 17:55

I used to and now I regret it immensely. Blush

suesue89 · 03/07/2016 18:01

I probably would but I hate my Inlaws loool. But my DH calls my mum MUM and my dad DAD. Sometimes it's annoying because he will be like "going to mums for dinner" and here is me thinking he is at his mum only to find out his with my family looool.

AdoraBell · 03/07/2016 18:04

No, because I was told that I must call her "mum" after she referred to me as "that girl"

Kinda set the tone, that.

anyoldname76 · 03/07/2016 18:07

no i dont( shes my dh nan but bought him up) , but i do love her and i have told her that

MarklahMarklah · 03/07/2016 18:08

No. My mum was my mum, my MIL is my MIL. We have a great relationship and I call her by her name. She was very supportive (as was FIL) when I lost both parents.

I wonder if it is a possible generational thing? My Dad used to call his MIL 'mum' but then again, she showed far more motherly affection than his own did.

MrsPear · 03/07/2016 18:10

In h's culture is the done thing and seen as respectable. My Gil thanked my dad for his new daughter. But that is how it is seen over there - I have left my family and joined another. It does feel strange occasionally but after nine years I have pretty much use to it. My parents are ok too

calamityjam · 03/07/2016 18:14

I call her Debbie..........to her face.

Houseconfusion · 03/07/2016 18:28

No. And I don't call my mum "mum" either. I call MIL by name and call my mother - nothing.

ecuse · 03/07/2016 18:31

No, but my parents did to their PILs. Must be a generational thing.

Fibbertigibbet · 03/07/2016 18:31

No, and I don't think I ever will. I just don't really see her that way.

Funnily enough, my mum sometimes calls her MIL mum, but I think would be quite hurt if I called my MIL mum.

dementedma · 03/07/2016 18:33

Never! Horrible old witch. She's dead now anyway so I don't have to call her anything.

RaspberryOverload · 03/07/2016 20:26

I got on well enough with my late MIL, but I could never call her Mum.

As and when my DCs get partners, I want to be called by my name. Everyone calls me the short form and as I'm partly deaf, using the short form of my name works best anyway Grin

NotCitrus · 03/07/2016 20:43

I do, sometimes.
I grew up calling my parents by their names, so the name 'mum' wasn't already taken, and MIL has been a fantastic mum to me for over 20 years. I usually use the Mum-based nickname that her children use, though.

One of the kindest things she ever did was telling me she would be a mum for me if I wanted, "because let's face it, your mum's a bit crap really". My mother at the time was being particularly batshit nasty.

embarrasseddoesntcutit · 03/07/2016 20:51

No. Though to be honest, I'm struggling to recall what I do call her. I can only think I've actually addressed her by name lto her ess than half a dozen times. And I've known her 10 years.

TheVeryHungryPreggo · 03/07/2016 21:33

I do sometimes. I actually call her "mum in law" to her face/phone/texts and occasionally just shorten that to mum. I've been with DH since I was 19 and she does treat us both as her children so even though I feel self conscious saying it in front of my SIL I don't feel self conscious saying it in front of MIL or DH.

purplefizz26 · 03/07/2016 21:34

Very old fashioned. My MIL (age mid fifties) calls her PIL mum and dad, i find it very odd.

BertrandRussell · 03/07/2016 21:36

"Very old fashioned. My MIL (age mid fifties) calls her PIL mum and dad, i find it very odd."

Grin I'm mid 50s. I don't!

Susieqt · 03/07/2016 22:02

I wouldn't, but my mum used to call my grandparents mum and dad.. When I was very little I honestly thought my mum and dad were brother and sister!
(Both my mums parents passed away before I was born so I'd only ever heard her call my dads parents mum/dad)

Flossiesmummy · 03/07/2016 22:22

Never. She's not my mum.

It's a special term for a special person. Not that my MIL isn't great, but she's DH's mum, not mine.