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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you call your MIL 'Mum' ?

218 replies

thewavesofthesea · 02/07/2016 21:19

Just that really. I have noticed that my own mum and MIL called their MILs 'Mum' but I never have, and neither does my brother in law's wife. I kinda feel like I would like to; I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for 8, and she is very lovely, supportive and does a lot for us; I love her to bits. But I would not want to offend my own mum, who also does a lot for us etc. and don't want MIL to think I'm odd after all this time! Maybe I'm overthinking it......Wink

OP posts:
Ragwort · 03/07/2016 08:09

My parents are sticklers for the correct etiquette so when sending card to all of us (ie: me, DH and DS) they actually sign it - 'Mum and Dad, First name and First name, grandma and grandpa' Grin. Must take them ages to write out the card. Grin. So I do the same if sending them a card from all of us !

CuppaSarah · 03/07/2016 08:12

I do, but my mil is more of a mum to me than my mother so it feels natural. I also turn into a child around her and require lots of hugs because her hugs are the best. Basically best mil ever!

MyBreadIsEggy · 03/07/2016 08:17

I cal my MIL Mæ which is the Thai word for "mum" - usually only used by a woman's own children and their spouses

LarrytheCucumber · 03/07/2016 08:18

Ragwort my MiL always did that. I sometimes do, or sites write the childhood names DS had for us as they are not Mum and Dad, so am not presuming DDiL will ever call us by those names.
My mother now 90 did not call her in laws anything as far as I remember. Certainly not Mother and Daddy, which is what DF called them. I called mine by their first names.

Purplehonesty · 03/07/2016 08:20

Yes I do.

It felt a bit weird - I was the only one calling her by her name

So ten years in and I said do you mind if I call you mum as well?

She is lovely tho and I probably like her more than my own mum

KayTee87 · 03/07/2016 08:24

No and my parents didn't call their in-laws mum and dad either. If I'm writing cards to mil from my DH and me then they will be addressed to mum but if the card is just from me I will use her name.

Rosae · 03/07/2016 08:25

I don't call my MIL mum but I did call my MIL gran. I think I just slipped into it one day and it stuck. I'd known her since 16 and because everyone just called her gran I was always worried about getting her name wrong so I avoided it at first them just slipped into gran....

PunkrockerGirl · 03/07/2016 08:28

No, she's not my mum. I call her by her first name.

Hamsolo · 03/07/2016 08:29

I think it was old fashioned even when my parents did it, back in the 70s. I don't know anyone who does it now.

FruitOwl · 03/07/2016 08:31

No, I don't, just use her name. However I do call DH's grandmother 'Nan' (as he does) as it would feel a bit odd to do otherwise, really not sure why though! Just how it's worked out.

Shosha1 · 03/07/2016 08:35

I call my MIL by her first name, but then she's only ten years older than me.

My Mum called her MIL Mum, they married in the 50's and I think that was the done thing then.

My DIL calls me Mum, she is SA, and I think it may be the done thing there

I don't mind either way, I love her to bits.

GooodMythicalMorning · 03/07/2016 08:39

Dh calls my gran Gran. I call them nana and grandad in front of the kids and their names otherwise. They're really nice though.

DinosaurFarmer · 03/07/2016 08:55

No, I call her by her first name, we care a lot about her and she has done a lot for us but I just don't think of her in that way. DH calls my parents mom and dad though and I quite like it. We live close to them and see a lot of them and I like that he thinks of them that way, especially my dad as his own dad died when was quite young.

IslaSinga · 03/07/2016 08:57

No!!!
Mil calls her mil mum though!

TheNaze73 · 03/07/2016 08:57

No, she's not my Mum. Why would you??? Never heard of that before

wheresthel1ght · 03/07/2016 09:00

My mum always called my dads mum mum and he still calls hers mum.

My exh parents had both died before we got together but my dp's mum asked me to call her mum in the weeks before she died. I had no objection to it and had she lived I probably would as it meant a lot to her that we all felt part of the family.

I do think it is uncommon nowadays though

CarrotVan · 03/07/2016 09:06

I call my MIL by her first name (as does my husband - he's never called her Mum) and he calls my parents by their first names.

I think calling your in laws Mum and Dad is quite old fashioned and comes from a time when you might have addressed all older people as Ma and Dad in the same way that some cultures use Auntie and Uncle as a respectful title. If you read fiction from the first half of the Twentieth Century then it's quite common for strangers to address older people as Ma or Dad

Inertia · 03/07/2016 09:19

No, DH and I refer to one another's parents by their names. If the children are around we call them Nanny Name or Grandad Name.

MrsMillions · 03/07/2016 09:47

DH and I don't do this but like many PPs my parents both did - even though DM's relationship with her MIL was not the best (my DGM was a strange lady).

DH's Nan will always refer to herself as Nan to me on the phone or in my birthday cards. I use "your nan" when talking to him but if I had to call her by a name in person, I guess I would follow her lead and use Nan. Both my DGMs were Grandma so no issues there.

Always get DH to write cards and gift tags to his family so they say "Mum and Dad" without me having written it.

Huldra · 03/07/2016 09:51

No, I use her first name.

OutsiderInTheGarden · 03/07/2016 09:55

Hell no! But then my MIL is a crazy bat. Even is she wasn't, and we had a great relationship, I still don't think I would call her mum. She's not my mum, I'll only ever have or need one of those.

HarpyFishwifeTwat · 03/07/2016 09:59

Nope. I get on fine with ILs but they aren't my mum and dad. I call them by their first names.

MIL left a voicemail for me the other day saying "It's mum" and DH was a bit Hmm about it. She probably just forgot which one of us she phoned.

On cards/presents I will write "To mum and dad" but that's because they will come from us both. If there was anything just from me (can't imagine what those circumstances would be) it would be named.

ForalltheSaints · 03/07/2016 10:01

No. I call her by her first name.

Horsemad · 03/07/2016 10:20

When DH & I got married, it was just before Xmas and my MIL wrote 'To my new Daughter, love Mum' on my presents.

I was horrified, as I didn't think of her in that way and could not call her Mum. She'd always called her MIL 'Mum' and thought I'd follow suit.. Hmm

Now she sends birthday cards to me from [her name & Step FIL's name] and I much prefer it! Grin

DH calls my mum & StepF by their names.

bloodynoris · 03/07/2016 10:23

I don't to their face but if I ring up and Fil answers the phone or I'm asking about her in their house I say mum.