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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you call your MIL 'Mum' ?

218 replies

thewavesofthesea · 02/07/2016 21:19

Just that really. I have noticed that my own mum and MIL called their MILs 'Mum' but I never have, and neither does my brother in law's wife. I kinda feel like I would like to; I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for 8, and she is very lovely, supportive and does a lot for us; I love her to bits. But I would not want to offend my own mum, who also does a lot for us etc. and don't want MIL to think I'm odd after all this time! Maybe I'm overthinking it......Wink

OP posts:
Kwirrell · 02/07/2016 21:44

I called mine mum because it was respectful in my day. My SiL calls me Mum but my DiLs call me by my first name.

I really thought calling InLaws Mum and Dad has died out now, but I love the my SiL uses it.

MadisonAvenue · 02/07/2016 21:45

Christ no!

There's an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond which is about this!

freetrampolineforall · 02/07/2016 21:46

No, of course not. Her first name or Nana or "your Mum". Why on earth would I call her Mum.

OopsThereGoMyTrousers · 02/07/2016 21:46

My MIL is great, but I call her by her name.
She's not my Mum.

We have a good relationship but it's not mother /daughter.
She didn't know me as a child, has always treated me as an adult which is why it would be odd to call her mum

Cluesue · 02/07/2016 21:48

My BIL calls my mum 'mam'' but only because his died when he was a teen and she wasn't very nice by all accounts

Finola1step · 02/07/2016 21:48

No, I have my own Mum.

When my Dad and Nan were alive (so his MIL), he would often call her "Mum" in her presence.

But when not in her presence (and just as a little in joke with my sisters and I) it was The Duchess. It was a very suitable nn as Nan really did think she was a cut above. Think Hyacinth Bucket. Still makes me smile.

MadisonAvenue · 02/07/2016 21:48

I should've mentioned that I can't even write "To Mom" on any cards for her, it feels too weird.

ClaireVoyante · 02/07/2016 21:48

No! Why would I? She's not my mum!

Weird....

SendARavenToRiverrun · 02/07/2016 21:49

I do Smile. I lost my mum last year but I've always called MIL mum-Paula I don't know how it started. She signs cards from Mum-Paula too. I find it nice. She says she always did with her Irish MIL as a sign of respect.

I also call DH 'daddy' or refer to him as this ( obviously only to the kids!). It annoys me but I can't seem to give over with it !

Original poster
thewavesofthesea · 02/07/2016 21:50

Lots of responses! I'm glad I'm not unusual in calling my MIL by her first name though; I was starting to worry that she would be offended that I didn't call her Mum when she called her MIL that.

I do actually call her Granny now too though, in front of the kids. I do write cards etc to her from all of us to 'Mum' but I think that's correct given it's from her son too.

Good to know. Thanks all!

OP posts:
Unicorntrainer · 02/07/2016 21:50

My FSIL calls me grandma! I point out that did has gone to bed and then he doesn't call me anything! I don't care what he calls me as long as the family are happy.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 02/07/2016 21:50

I call my mil by her name but she always refers to me and my partner aged nearly 40 as 'the kids' even though we actually have our own kids!
My mum would think it really weird if my partner called her Mum. I have a friend who calls her mil Mum and I often wonder what her actual mum thinks of it.

Batteriesallgone · 02/07/2016 21:50

No.

Although MIL calls FIL, GFIL & and GGFIL (short generations Grin ) all 'dad'. Which can get pretty confusing in conversation. Well, it would, but they are a massive, v close family so I kind of think of them all of one homogenous mass anyway. In the nicest possible way!

Lucienandjean · 02/07/2016 21:51

No, no, no.

My MIL wanted me to call her mum, but I just couldn't. I have one mum, and that's not her. My two SILs call her mum, but both their mums have died, I don't know if that made a difference or not.

In fact, it took me most of a decade to call my MIL by her first name. I don't know why, it just felt weird. I tried to avoid calling her anything, and when I talked about her to someone else, I always said dh's mum, or dc's grandma.

I found her frighteningly fierce, and she didn't like me much. We were civil to each other but that's about all. Over the years we've got on better, and I managed her first name occasionally. Now she has dementia and doesn't know who I am (or anyone else), and when we visit I call her by her first name with no problems.

But I could never call her mum.

clarka · 02/07/2016 21:51

No, I'm pretty sure she'd find it weird if I did!

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 02/07/2016 21:52

Hehe Madison I remember that....Debra is really forcing the word out of her mouth with disdain written all over her face!!!

That show was the funniest.

mum2Bomg · 02/07/2016 21:52

Yep, all the time. I probably wouldn't in front on my own Mum, or on Facebook, but in person I do it all the time!

SendARavenToRiverrun · 02/07/2016 21:53

I'm very much in the minority then! I've never really thought much of it. It just flows naturally.
Occasionally she's just Paula but mostly mum-Paula.

oldbirdy · 02/07/2016 21:53

No, but then again she and I have at best mutual tolerance for each other, 25 years in...

Fomalhaut · 02/07/2016 21:53

Nope. I like her but she's not my mum. I call her by her name or grandma when the kids are around

Lucienandjean · 02/07/2016 21:53

And now I'm a MIL myself (eek!), I would find it odd if my son in law called me mum.

BoGrainger · 02/07/2016 21:53

God, no flipping way! I've never called her anything. If she calls and I answer the phone she says 'It's dp's mum here'. If I call out to her e.g. 'Do you want a cup of tea? ' I just have to hope she knows it's directed at her. After 30+ years it wouldn't be right to start calling her anything now! My ex-mil I call by her first name, always have done.
Dp calls my mum by her first name. My dad called his mil 'mum' and my mum called her mil 'Mrs M' (no love lost there).
My dds' boyfriends call us by our first names.

TheLongRains · 02/07/2016 21:54

This is an ongoing issue in our family...

My in-laws want me to call them Mum and Dad, but I really can't bring myself to, as it just sounds weird to me! I barely know them, as we live in different countries. Before we were married I had to call them Mr and Mrs Surname (right up until the wedding day), so I've never been allowed to use their first names.

I have spent years avoiding using names for them at all. I just make sure I have eye contact and then start speaking, so as to avoid having to use any form of name!

Thank goodness we now have "granny" and "grandpa" as an option.

Notagainmun · 02/07/2016 21:56

Nope. Called her by her name until DC arrived then I always called her Mamgu. My Dad called his PIL Mam and Dad. My my Mum called her PIL Mr and Mrs Smith until my siblings and I were born then they were Grandma and Grandad.

Arborea · 02/07/2016 21:57

I think mine would probably like it if I did it, but I would find it weird.