Disabled/baby change

[Babyred457]

Have NC for this as I have spoken to friends about it and don't want to be outed!

DH and I are members of the gym and pool at a local hotel and take baby DS (4 months) swimming there. It's not a large pool and has small communal changing rooms for men and women and then a separate family/disabled changing room. This is the only one with a baby change table and nappy bin so it's the one we always use when we take DS. It has 4 lockers in it so obviously if you use them then you take the risk that you might have to wait for someone else to finish before you can get in and get your stuff.

Today when we were swimming there was only one other person in the pool, a woman in her late 50s/early 60s. We left the pool and went into the family changing room and had just started getting DS changed when the woman started banging on the door, shouting that we had to let her in as she was disabled and this was the disabled changing room. DH opened the door, said that it was also the family changing room and that we were changing DS but that we'd be as quick as we could. She carried on shouting that we shouldn't be using the changing room, that she was disabled and we had to let her in. She was incredibly rude and was making such a scene that I said to DH just let her go first, so we wrapped DS in a towel and waited, poor DS was kicking off but so was this woman and I tend to back down when people challenge me. DH however was fuming and went and spoke to the manager (dripping everywhere!) who agreed that it was both a family and a disabled changing room and that it's first come first served, no one has priority.

FWIW the woman no obvious physical disability (although MN has taught me that not all disabilities are obvious) and I don't think there was any reason why she couldn't have waited five minutes, she was also extremely rude. Had she approached at the same time as us I'd probably have let her go first anyway but she saw us leave the pool and go in there with DS (you can see the changing room from the pool!) so clearly then took a deliberate decision to get out herself at that moment and start banging on the door in an extremely aggressive manner.

So who was BU? It's difficult because almost all the restaurants etc I go to have the baby changing facilities in the disabled toilets. I would always happily fold a buggy or get off a bus for a wheelchair user etc but should a person with a baby have to exit a disabled loo or changing room mid-change for a disabled person? After all what would the disabled person do if another disabled person was already using the facilities?

This happened to me in a swimming pool with the same setup; disabled and baby change all in one changing cubicle. A man with a bandaged leg was bashing on the door in my case and as a single woman with a small baby, I found it a little intimidating... not too much though. I managed to sternly let him know that he would have to wait or go and use the alternative dual disabled/baby change room - at my pool there are two - and then reported his behaviour to the front desk for whatever that was worth.

Why on earth is it selfish for a family to use a family room at a swimming pool?

I'll bite.

So if there are 4 lockers in there, there could conceiveably be another disabled person in there. She would have to wait then regardless of medication / whatever was in her bag that she needed.

It's a shitty set up by the poool though.

And FWIW Inever used a baby cyhange table when I took DTs swimming.

People need to calm the fuck down!

I'm surprised I wasn't the subject of an AIBU thread last year on my camping trip, as i made my fuckedoffness clear (not shouting) with a family who came out of the disabled changing room and said "oh sorry but we wanted to shower together, we were only five minutes".

Every Single Time (bar one) on that holiday that I had wheeled over the field to that room, there was a family in it, and admitted they weren't disabled in the apologies they made when they came out to see me waiting.

You came across a rude person in public.
I'm not sure that has any relevance to baby change and disabled people having a shared changing room. There are rude people all over the place.
Most people are capable of waiting their turn when needed.
I don't understand why you would need to discuss this with friends or start a thread though, if someone was rude, they were rude.

I don't think anyone needs to calm down.
Posters who either have disabled relatives or disabilities themselves have been taking this shit on here for years.

Guess what? We've had enough.

It's a shitty set up that the pool/gym have. Instead of your husband going to rant at reception, maybe he could have suggested changing tables be put in the gents/ ladies or a separate family room be added?

The disabled changing room has to be there by law. A family one doesn't.

I can't do those new fangled emjoiis

I parked in a parent and baby space this weekend

without my kids

A man went ape shit at me. holding his wee toddler in his tired arms

I was mortified, I did not think kids would be shipping at 630pm

bad times, bad times

I dont give a flying fuck if you are a regular poster, i am sick of seeing threads like this

If it did happen, its shit like this day after day that makes disabled people angry enough to demand their facilities

Someone saying a disabled person acted like a rude person is the reason for people being demanding and rude?

I'm disabled, I'm also a human being occasionally for what ever reason I may do things that other people find breathtakingly rude this may be because I'm in a world of my own it may also be because I'm in a bad mood or have had a shit day, just like every other human being in the world.

Because surprise surprise just like people without disabilities can be fucking rude every now and again so can people with.

it's obviously a very controversial topic, I don't often post in AIBU so I haven't seen any other threads. Sorry if I've offended anyone.

There appears to be a lot of suggestion that in a scenario like this, it's the distressed disabled person who is at fault.

When distressed we aren't at our best but we're all human first trying not to be identified by any personal limitations before our humanity!

The fault here is, as OP maybe eludes to, lazy planning slotting baby change in within the 'nice big' disabled cubicle. Surely having a fold down table within the men's and women's changing rooms is an option? Like wise in all the pub's the same would be great.

If you feel impassioned enough to post the thread OP how about getting on board and supporting the disabled minority with sending a quick email/ tweet/ review to establishments each time you see this inconvenience - starting with emailing the pool about the stress their lack of planning has caused four customers today? Change our environment for the better for all and all that.

I do think yet again the lack of provision for a separate space wholly for those who need it because they're disabled TOEGTHER with adequate facilities for families is apparent.

In our teeny town we have a public toilet. As you go in there's a large dual purpose disabled facility/baby change space. Why? Because its a pay facility and you can't actually get the buggy through to the other loos. IMO it would have been far more sensible to have a swing gate entry (still charged) meaning pushchairs could get through, then the changing space could be in the ladies and gents.

Similarly the library in the same town has one loo. So it isn't only a family vs disabled space bunfight but a free for all for everyone.

I think a family should consider whether they actually have to use the family changing room.
Disabled and family changing should be separate. At my local pool you have to ask for a key to the disabled change to stop people misusing it.

Flouncy that's a good idea, I will email the gym about it and ask if baby change facilities can be put in the normal changing rooms.

Not denying we can be rude sock - some people are disabled, some people are rude, some disabled people are rude

But constantly reading threads about how entitled disabled people are does not encourage harmony!

Why do you think a woman in their 50s or 60s would be so upset and distressed at waiting that she would kick off? Are people really so ignorant they can't see beyond it just being rudeness? I despair.

I can believe the multi-usage changing room bit.

Yesterday I had to do an emergency pit stop due to DD poonami and the baby changing facilities (in the local library across from the shops I was in) were combined with the disabled loos. I tried to change DD as fast as possible in case I was delaying a disabled person using them (luckily I wasn't) but it does seem like a bad combination as changing a baby can often take longer than using the loo depending on just how far up their backs they've managed to get the poo (armpits btw!)